Grumpy Urban Slacker

'Cool Docks' Get a Cold Reception

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 03:45:00 +0000

The 'Cool Docks', colloquially known as "Lao Ma Tou", was supposed to be the new, exciting, "in" place in Shanghai, a worthy successor and worthwhile competitor to Xintiandi, a wildly popular entertainment/resto/live band complex with restored "Shikumen"-style architecture, where thousands of locals and foreigners converge every night to eat and party and let their hair loose while in Shanghai.

Hence, yours truly braved the extreme cold and ventured forth to this night spot. Surprisingly, the staff at the hotel and the taxi driver were not familiar with the place, and it took a bit of persistent questioning before someone produced the name of the Cool Docks in Chinese characters.

Which should really have been a tip-off for me. Why?

After alighting from the cab, and entering the complex, one is greeted with absolute silence, and lack of any human crowd whatsoever.

I mentally calculated the number of people present whilst talking a walk around the complex. Let me see, maybe 20 paying customers in total? Not quite the numbers the people who conceptualized this place had in mind, that's for sure!

The array of restos is not so bad. Cuisines represented are Greek, Indian, Chinese, American (steakhouse), etc. with some coffee shops and tea houses (even Starbucks is here).

I finally settled on Mythos (Greek resto), where the staff saw fit to put me on the 3rd floor. Strange, because only one table was occupied on the 1st floor (2 persons at that!), and the 2nd floor was totally empty. So, i was the only patron on the 3rd floor!
(see below pic of Mythos interiors)

And while the food wasn't bad (expensive, though), it was a rather weird experience with 3 wait-staff hanging on to your every bite of food you eat and every sip of juice you take. :D

Oh, and that ubiquitous Starbucks branch? TOTALLY EMPTY!

You might say the Cool Docks is totally un-cool at the moment (pun intended). Which is a bit puzzling, really. Lest one thinks the people in Shanghai were opting to stay at home due to the cold weather, i went to Xintiandi the night after, and the place was packed to the rafters. Go figure.

So, if you happen to be in Shanghai, check this place out. . .before it closes down! :D

(The 'Cool Docks' is located at 505 Zhongshan Nan Lu, Shanghai, a stone's throw from the Bund)

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 16:11:00 +0000

WOULD YOU PAY TO BE ON FACEBOOK?

It's insidious. It's addictive. It's the productivity-sapping bane of offices worldwide.

On October 24, 2007, Microsoft announced that it had purchased a 1.6% share of Facebook for US$240 million, giving Facebook a total implied value of around US$15 billion. Knowing Bill Gates, Facebook must be rolling in dough, right?

Apparently not, it seems.

A. How does Facebook make money?

How many people are on Facebook? No one knows exactly, but latest estimates range from 175 million to 250 million users.

A cursory internet search showed the following: According to founder Mark Zuckerberg, revenues of US$300 - 350 million are projected for 2009 [Feb. '09].

FB is supposed to be breaking even, but they plan to spend US$200 million on servers next year, which might land them in the RED.

Sources of revenues are essentially the ff:

i. Advertising (brand ads, deal with Microsoft)

Apparently, companies pay Facebook a hefty sum of money to place their ads on the right-hand side of the screen. These ads are supposedly customized based on your stated interests in your profile, so that there is a higher likelihood they would be of interest to you.

But really, when was the last time you actually clicked on a banner ad? Enough said.

ii. Virtual goods

Facebook launched Gifts on February 8, 2007, which allowed users to send virtual gifts to their friends that appear on the recipient's profile. Gifts cost US$1.00 each to purchase, and a personalized message can be attached to each gift.

But can this be a major revenue driver in the coming years? I would think that people are more interested in answering quizzes, and tagging friends on countless party photos, and coming up with feeling-profound status updates (ex., "Chubbs thinks happiness is optional. Que sera sera."), than in giving each other virtual gifts.

Facebook's database on its users is a veritable goldmine, and there have been plans to sell the information to other companies, but these have been hindered by protests from users about invasion of privacy.

B. Alternative revenue-generating scheme for Facebook

Well, here's my suggestion: Stop making Facebook a free site, and START CHARGING USERS.

Of course, the idea of pay-as-you-go subscriptions for internet content is not entirely new. Stanley Bing, columnist of Fortune magazine, is skeptical of this approach. In his August 17th column, he barked, "How about Facebook? Would millions of lonely, homebound losers be encapsulating their lives in all their digital splendor if they had to whip out a credit card to do so?"

Hey, don't discount it entirely, Bing-O! I believe it's worth a shot.

Let us discuss the arguments then:

No. 1 : "If Facebook is going to start charging me for using its site, i'll just delete my account." (or not bother to log in anymore)

This is obviously a valid concern. How many people would be so disgusted / dejected / disappointed / that they would actually stop using Facebook?

Not everyone, I think.

In fact, I would bet that "heavy" Facebook users (i.e. people who log on everyday, post their pics - even those back in grade school, etc.) would be "sticky", and remain loyal to the site.

Let's do the math. For example, if 75 million users drop out and you collect US$5.00/year from the remaining 125 million or so users, that's easily US$625 million in revenue.

The key here is to make the payments as unobtrusive as possible, and reasonable enough so as not to make a significant dent on the individual user's wallet.

How can it possibly be done?

a) "Micropayments" on selected actions

Off the top of my mind (this is not an exhaustive list) :

Logging in to view friends' pics and profiles - FREE
Updating your status / profile - FREE
Posting comments on friends' pics and "likes"- FREE
Taking quizzes - hmm....okay, FREE

Adding friends - say, FREE for first 300 friends, and you get charged something like 1 US cent for each friend exceeding this number

Uploading pics - can be FREE for first 50 pics, and then a 2-cent charge on each pic thereafter (hey, bandwidth does cost money)

SuperPoke! - definitely 1 cent for each

Playing games - perhaps FREE at first, but if you keep on playing Yoville or Typing Maniac for hours on end, it will cost you.

The total amount you spend each month would then be charged to your credit card bill.

Of course, the general level of activity would likely slow down, as people think twice about taking certain actions, etc. You might even argue it makes it so much less fun!

b) Purchase of stored-value units

Taking off from the prepaid cellphone card industry, one can opt to buy a certain amount of units (say US$10.00) online from Facebook, which would be debited as you play games, give gifts, upload pics, etc.

This would work for users who fear they would be unable to control their "spending" on Facebook actions.

Meanwhile, Facebook management can allay advertisers' concerns, by pointing out that the members who dropped out tend to be those people who likely didn't log in too much; didn't update their profiles; only had a few friends, etc. (in general, those people who never got into the spirit of things, as it were). Hence the remaining membership are the "quality" ones, who are more receptive to ads.

Further, they can continue to beef up content and features, to prevent the drop-out rate from becoming too high. To convince non-users to sign up under the new pay-as-you-go scheme, they can make an online ad campaign that goes something like, "Facebook is where the fun is." or "Facebook: Where all your friends are talking about everything, except you."

No. 2 : "If Facebook is going to start charging me for using its site, i'll just move to other social networking sites."

Again, this is certainly a valid response. But which site(s) offer a viable alternative to Facebook?

Friendster is passe and full of scammers. Multiply and MySpace's features are lacking in comparison.

One might make the following riposte, "Well, i'm sure someone will create a new social networking site, with even better features, and everyone will go there."

True, this is very possible. But would this hypothetical new site's business plan be based on advertising revenues only? How then would it go about making a positive return on investment?

So, dear reader, what do you think? Is the above analysis actually worth contemplating about? Or is it pure hogwash?

Hence, I'm asking you (yes, you) this question: Would you pay to be on Facebook?

Hit the comment button NOW.

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Sat, 23 May 2009 12:57:00 +0000

COBRATOX cream with snake venom
(Bonus Post, Saigon-Siem Reap-Hanoi-Halong vacation)

I guess i had ended my series on Vietnam and Cambodia too soon. Given my love for weird, oddball stuff, i couldn't resist posting about this new discovery below.

While browsing at one of the numerous souvenir shops at the Cu Chi Tunnels, my interest was piqued by this product:

Yes, you had read the box correctly, "Cream with Snake Venom". It is intended to provide relief for arthritis, rheumatism and similar ailments.

While other creams / ointments / liniments such as Bengay (from USA), Salonpas (from Japan), White Flower (from HK), Counterpain (from Thailand), Omega (from Phils.) and Tiger Balm (from Singapore) are basically combinations of Menthol / Methyl Salicylate (Oil of Wintergreen) / Camphor with other essential oils, Cobratox does them all one better with its unique ingredient.

It says right there on the side of the box, "Dried venom of cobra 0.0005 g".

Cobratox is produced by the formal-sounding Center for Rearing, Planting, Researching & Manufacturing Pharmaceutical Products of Military Zone IX.

I don't know about you, but what comes to my mind is a bunch of grim-faced men wearing combat fatigues slitting open the throats of writhing cobras and extracting their venom before stitching their insides back again before putting them on these big glass jars filled with water, which men are supposed to buy to increase their stamina in making . . . ahh, "Boom Boom". [A Vietnamese euphemism for . . . but let's not go there, shall we? ;D]

It was kinda cheap at 20,000 VND (around US$1.15) for a 20 gram tube, so i figured there was nothing much to lose if it didn't prove effective in relieving the pain from my tennis elbow.

The accompanying piece of paper inside the box wasn't of much help (see above pic), being in Vietnamese, but there are simple instructions to "apply to painful area with massage 2 times daily" on the box.

I am not so sure about the science behind using dried cobra venom as a painkiller ingredient; i have this vague notion that cobra venom kills you by paralyzing you, so i guess tiny quantities will just deaden your nerves a bit (thereby providing pain relief), no? :D

So, the 500,000 VND question is, is Cobratox more effective than Bengay, Tiger Balm and the like?

I've used it for a week so far, and here is how Cobratox performs based on the ff. criteria:

Heat - packs a bit of a wallop in giving that warm, burning feeling to temporarily relieve joint pain

Odor - neutral, meaning no discernable "snaky" smell, haha :D Would be nice if it had some sort of scent.

Feel - non-greasy, easy to rub into the skin. Not slimy, thank God!

Bottomline, it performs about the same as other pain relief ointments, so perhaps the REAL reason to use Cobratox is to be able to stretch the truth a bit and brag to your gymmates / sports teammates / etc. as such:

"My doctor has prescribed alternative therapy for my tennis elbow. We are applying dried cobra venom on it, which will eliminate the pain, AND as a side effect, increase my agility and quickness on the courts, AND increase my stamina to make Boom Boom. Unfortunately, the ointment is highly toxic and highly limited, so it is not available to the public."

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 11:59:00 +0000

HALONG BAY
(Conclusion, Saigon-Siem Reap-Hanoi-Halong vacation)

Halong Bay is a UNESCO World Heritage Site, located at Halong City at the northeastern part of Vietnam. Going to Halong City from Hanoi takes around 3 hours by van, on surprisingly well-paved roads.

Halong City itself is a singularly charmless place, with the usual mix of hotels, casinos and shopping places. Located just 90 minutes away from Vietnam's border with China, i'm willing to bet that most of these developments in the city were funded by Chinese investors. Some establishments seem to cater primarily to Chinese clients,
being fronted by Mandarin-speaking staff and quoting prices in RMB.

Halong Bay is also known by the more dramatic name [drumroll, please] "Bay of the Descending Dragon." Legend has it that dragons once descended from heaven and spouted streams of jade droplets that fell into the waters of Halong Bay, forming thousands of islands and islets, and helping defend Vietnam against attacking armies.

Of course, the truth is a bit more prosaic. The islands are limestone rock formations, with caves, lakes, etc. for exploring in the bigger ones.

Truth be told, this was the part of the trip i was looking forward to the most, and was quite happy as we boarded the Chinese-style "junk" for our tour. I had heard instances wherein the junks and sampans are not allowed to depart for the Halong Bay cruise, due to fog and inclement weather. Thankfully, the sky was all clear today.

The view from the upper deck of the junk was lovely. It was quite a sight to see the various shapes and sizes of the limestone karsts and isles, with the sails of the boats silhouetted against the horizon. We dropped by a cave (for some fairly rigorous spelunking), and checked out a 'typical' fishing boat as well.

Of course, the preferred (in)activity of a certain grumpy slacker i know is just to stretch back and relax, like so:

On board, we partook of an excellent seafood lunch, before turning back to return to shore.

Aside from the daytrip cruise we took, there are tour operators offering overnight and even 3D/2N Halong Bay cruises, on board junks which are fitted with cabins and other amenities.

Halong Bay is one of the candidates for the New 7 Wonders of Nature campaign. Click here if you want to check the official site and vote for it.

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 11:34:00 +0000

SCENES FROM A 'XICH LO'
(Part Four, Saigon-Siem Reap-Hanoi-Halong vacation)

Hanoi is the cultural capital of Vietnam, and one must not fail to tour around the Old Quarter area, basically a collection of narrow and bustling streets with tube houses selling all sorts of goods right on the pavement.

Hanoi's Old Quarter was originally arranged with each street selling one category of goods, so you have Silk Street, Silver Street, Paper Street and the like. But at present, this is no longer strictly followed.

We took a tour of the Old Quarter, while riding a contraption called the 'Xich Lo' (cyclo). As can be seen from the pics, it is a semi-open carriage, with the passenger seated in front, and the driver at the back.

At first, we were a bit hesitant to take the tour. J.N.'s mom thought it would be dangerous, since the cyclo did look flimsy. Nevertheless, our daredevil spirits prevailed, and J.N., R.T. and i were soon off, with our respective cyclo drivers pedalling leisurely.

The operative word here being "leisurely", as the cyclo drivers pedal at a glacial pace. It is much quicker to walk on your own! The ride becomes enjoyable once you get over the (very real) possibility that you will get hit by a motorcycle or car.

As it is, we were honked at lots of times by impatient motorcycle drivers, who were probably cursing underneath their breath at our cyclos for partially blocking their path.

Navigating the narrow streets of the Old Quarter proved to be a delightful experience. We passed by hotels, travel agencies, art galleries, restaurants, bars, music clubs, stores selling clothes, toys, groceries, fruits, etc., even one or two stores selling propaganda art posters; sidewalk cafes; rows and rows of motorcycles parked at the curbs.

One can really see and feel the hustle and bustle of Hanoi, at full blast. I realized, this tour by cyclo was actually a perfect springboard if one wanted to walk around and explore on one's own, at a later occasion.

After going around for some 30 minutes, we were dropped off by the cyclo drivers with all limbs intact, happy yet somewhat relieved.

So, my advice to people who are wary about the cyclo, go! Laugh in the face of danger and get on that cyclo!

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 13:59:00 +0000

THE 'WINDOW SILL' PHOTO SERIES AMIDST THE TEMPLES
(Part Three, Saigon-Siem Reap-Hanoi-Halong vacation)

Around a week before the trip, i was enthusiastically telling a friend about our itinerary in Siem Reap, with stops to the various temples such as Ta Prohm, Banteay Srei, Angkor Thom, and the world-famous Angkor Wat.

"That's funny, i've never thought of you as a 'temple' person," she mused.

I just laughed, and gave her remark no further thought.

My friend turned out to be quite prescient.

It was 9:30 AM, the sun was shining its warm, radiant rays cheerfully over the hordes of tourists arriving at Banteay Srei, our tour group included.

Our guide, a rather funny-looking fellow named Chay, was extremely professional and well-versed in the intricacies of ancient Khmer history. He waxed eloquently on the gods Shiva, Vishnu and Rama, amongst other things.

Unfortunately, after twenty minutes or so of standing under the sweltering heat, i was already suffering from 'temple fatigue', and wanted nothing more than to pour a cold bottle of water over my head.

So it went with our visits to the other temples. I could barely remember any of the historical tidbits narrated by Chay!

But of course, to keep myself interested, i resorted to taking my usual 'trick' camera shots and enlisted tour groupmates R.T. and J.N.

"Let's take some artsy, meticulously-arranged yet supposedly 'candid' photos, just like they do in most travel magazines," i suggested.

Hence, our visits to the temples degenerated into horsing around, making weird poses. Here are some of the 'artsy' photos we took, which i henceforth dub the "Window Sill at the Temples" series:

This one above is me, leaning against the wall while thinking despondently of my stock portfolio.

This pic above is of J.N., grinning like a cat who just devoured a whole saucer of condensed milk (instead of mixing it with his iced Vietnamese coffee ;D). He's probably thinking of his latest painting.

Due to the overwhelming, insistent clamor from my readers [i can imagine my friend, amazonic R., muttering scornfully, "yeah, right!"], i've included a face pic of myself. Haha.

Seriously now, this one was taken at Bayon Temple at Angkor Thom. I really like the contrast of this one, the dark foreground hiding the subject (me) in the shadows while the smiling image of the bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara looks down benignly on me, as he gets a suntan.

Bye for now, folks! Stay tuned for posts regarding Halong Bay and the cyclos of Hanoi.

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 13:33:00 +0000

THE GUS GUIDE TO ENJOYING A FEW DAYS IN SAIGON & HANOI, VIETNAM
((Part Two, Saigon-Siem Reap-Hanoi-Halong vacation)

Part of what makes travelling to other countries fun and not-so-fun are the different customs, beliefs and practices one encounters, which leave one either open-mouthed with amazement, or shaking one's head in disgust, or exasperated by the absurdity of the locals, or all of the above.

I've come up with a partial list of stuff to expect in Saigon and Hanoi, so future first-timers to these wonderful cities have an equally wonderful experience. Here goes:

1. Money exchange

When changing money upon arrival at the airport, some banks offer a more favourable US$-VND exchange rate, but with a 3% service charge written in the fine print.

Better choose a bank which clearly states "No service charge", even if their exchange rate is less. You will come out ahead.

2. Crossing the streets

In these cities, the motorcycles rule the streets by sheer number. It constantly amazed me that there were hardly any accidents involving these vehicles.

Crossing the main streets can be problematic. Make slow, firm steps, while putting out your hand to signal "Stop!" to the onrushing motorcycles. Under NO circumstances is it advisable to do the cha-cha ("double-double-single"), as this is a surefire way to get hit.

While the motorcycles seem like ready to run you over, just stay rooted on your spot, and they will part like the Red Sea and weave around you. Take my word for it.

3. Shopping

Bargain hard, but always with a smile. The old trick of walking away when the vendor doesn't agree to your price works surprisingly well, but do not squeeze the last VND from them. Hey, they probably need the money a lot more than you do.

The lady vendors at Ben Thanh market in Saigon are particularly aggressive, to the point of pulling at your shirt and whacking you on the shoulder if you inquire about prices, but fail to buy.

4. Language

Surprisingly, English comprehension is not that good. It is best to learn some basic phrases, such as: "Xin chao" (hello), "Cam on" (thank you), "Bao nhieu" (how much?), "Mac qua" (too expensive!), and "Co dep qua" (you're beautiful).

5. Etiquette

According to Frommers, "any show of anger is a definite no-no", as this causes the locals to lose face.

Of course, if the taxi drivers are taking the long route to your destination; or the coffee shop waitress forgets the condensed milk when you ordered the "Iced Vietnamese coffee with condensed milk"; or they tell you a can of bottled water costs 15,000 VND when it is clearly stated as costing 10,000 VND on the menu (all of which happened to us), then go ahead by all means and raise your voice a bit.

6. Food & Drink

Speaking of which, not to try the "Iced Vietnamese coffee with condensed milk" (Ca phe sua dac) even once during your visit is borderline criminal!

7. Sights

When visiting the Cu Chi tunnels in Saigon (a must-see, in my opinion), bring insect repellant.
I repeat, bring insect repellant.

8. Money matters

Be extremely careful when buying stuff and getting change, especially if you pay in US Dollars and the store will give change in VND.

The various denominations of the VND notes tend to look alike (the green-colored 10,000 VND and 100,000 VND notes are deceptively similar-looking), given that they all have Uncle Ho beaming at you, making them prone to mistakes (intentional or otherwise) on the part of the seller.

After all, one must not give up one's millionaire status by being careless, right?

(Many thanks to May Ibalio and Diederick Helder for the lovely photos)

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 14:14:00 +0000

HOW TO BECOME A MILLIONAIRE IN ONE EASY STEP
(Part One, Saigon-Siem Reap-Hanoi-Halong vacation)

Forget all those 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad' books, and their ilk.

All you have to do is board a plane and fly to Vietnam, where one US Dollar gets you the equivalent of 17,700 VND [Vietnam Dong].

So, when i exchanged US$100 at the airport upon arrival in Ho Chi Minh (also known as Saigon) city, i was handed more or less 1.7 million VND. Woohoo!

As can be seen from the pic below, the VND notes come in big denominations, most commonly 100,000, 50,000 and 10,000 VND.
The largest note is 500,000 VND [not in photo].

The smaller ones, such as the 500 VND and 1000 VND notes, also come in coins and are pretty much useless, since most prices seem to start at 10,000 VND.

Of course, it took a while to get used to seeing and hearing prices quoted at such huge amounts. And even more difficult was mentally converting prices into US dollars (and then on to PHPs).

While at the Ben Thanh market, i inquired how much a box of coffee was.

"50,000 VND," stated the rotund vendor.

"What?! Mac Qua! [Too expensive!]" i cried, only to realize a few seconds later that this amount was something like US$3.00 only. Well, it was still expensive, and we eventually bargained her to a more reasonable level.

A sampling of other typical prices include:

Paper fan at Ben Thanh market = 15,000 VND
Pho [noodle soup] at a Pho 24 outlet = 34,000 VND
N & M [local upscale brand] men's pants = 499,000 VND

Of course, the astute reader will point out that there is a catch to my millionaire status in Vietnam. After all, it is not the amount of money per se that matters, but the amount of goods and services one can purchase or exchange for it.

As my college thesis partner-turned-financial whiz MonT. will probably put it, "You may be a millionaire on paper, but you have the purchasing power of a pauper. Olats ka pa rin! [Loser!]"

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 15:40:00 +0000

COLORFUL TIBET IN SHANGHAI

It's March. Yup, the time of the year to fly again to Shanghai for work.

It was also another chance to have dinner with my friend JPL, and the friendly couple, Mary and Looi, who had chosen a Tibetan resto this time. (We had eaten at a Xinjiang resto the last time 2 years ago)

After some walking around in circles, we finally found the resto. The exteriors are nothing much to write about, and i had a huge feeling at the back of my mind that this resto would be a stinker. Tibetan cuisine wasn't exactly setting the world on fire, was it?

But once one stepped inside, everything suddenly changed. To say this resto was bursting with color was an understatement; it was breathng and exploding with vivid colors any where one looked!

And should one feel compelled to dine inside a tent, just like they do in Tibet (?), there's a colorful tent waiting:

The staff, who are dressed in colorful costumes, go around table to table, offering toasts in their native tongue.

We had absolutely no clue what they were saying. Hopefully, it wasn't in colorful language. :D

Onwards to the food.

The menu featured a one-page ad on their whole roasted sheep (complete with a ribbon tied around its head!). It looked tempting; alas, it has to be pre-ordered a day ahead.

Mary and Looi took charge of ordering, so i didn't have an opportunity to write down the exact names of the dishes. Below is a run-through of most of the dishes we ate:

First up, a dish of Alfafa sprouts, which proved to be chewy and tasty.

Second, lamb ribs. Lip-smacking good! A tad too oily, though. Nonetheless, I could have eaten another order of this all by myself.

Third, yak meat. When i tasted this dish, i asked JPL, "Why does it taste so much like eggplant?"

Well, that's because it WAS eggplant mostly. Turns out the yak meat was those little bits and pieces ground up.

Up next, the Tibetan baked macaroni. :D

It was actually a tomato stew, with cheese, potato, etc. Looked a bit yucky at first, but it was actually pretty good. The tomato was intensely sweet, but perfectly balanced by the potatoes.

Then, it got more exotic. The picture below is of the quail egg/veggies/dates/chili/hotdog/fishball soup with Tibetan ants.

Yes, you read correctly. Ants. These were supposed to be good for one's health.

With some trepidation, i scooped a bowl of the soup, turned to JPL, and solemnly stated, "I hereby appoint you as executor of my last will and testament", to everyone's hearty laughter.

Here's a close-up view of the ants:

They're pretty big and horrific-looking, but you won't really taste them at all. Everyone agreed the soup was good, and got second helpings, myself included.

Then, spinach soup, with naan bread. More like pureed spinach, sort of a goop. It tasted like, well, spinach.

Yak tea [not pictured] was also served, which in my opinion, tasted like regular tea mixed with low-fat/skim milk powder.

Throughout dinner, we watched the cultural program being performed by the staff, which consisted mainly of dancing and singing. At the end, guests were "invited" to join in a group native dance.

To our amusement, JPL was roped in to go up the stage and partake of this audience participation segment. He proceeded to do the Tibetan tap dance and Tibetan two-step shuffle with much gusto. (No pics here though, lest his reputation take a permanent beating ;-D)

There was a raffle as well, and i won a coupon entitling me to the lamb ribs dish (worth RMB 80.00) during my next visit!

Yak!! (Tibetan word for "Yes!!!", or so i think :D)

(The resto is located at the ground floor of the Shanghai Stadium)

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 10:18:00 +0000

BOHOLANO CACAO FARMER OUT TO USE THE TARSIER FOR HIS OWN NEFARIOUS ENDS
(Bohol vacation, Conclusion)

Most visitors to Bohol go to the Chocolate Hills Complex, ooh and ahh over these unique formations (there are 1,268 of them, in case you're counting), crack a few jokes about their resemblance to female mammaries and take 'trick digicam shots showing them jumping over the hills, etc.

Most are unaware that there is another side to the Chocolate Hills. I found this out quite by accident myself. Having mentioned casually to our tour guide, whom we shall call Gulliver (for that is his name), about the extremely delicious cups of hot local chocolate i had been drinking at breakfast for the last couple of days, he quickly realized he was in the presence of a fellow chocoholic.

"Did you know that cacao trees are grown at the base of the Hills in the municipality of Sagbayan?" he queried. "That's where the cocoa beans that go into our local chocolate come from."

"Really? I didn't know that at all!" i replied enthusiastically. "So REAL chocolate comes from the Chocolate Hills? How cool is that!! Do you think we could visit the farmers' plantation?"

Thus, the day after saw me and Gulliver taking a 2-hour van ride to Sagbayan, where he had arranged for an interview with Mang Bokbok, one of the 80 or so farmers active in the cultivation of the cacao tree in Bohol.

Mang Bokbok turned out to be a wiry, quiet man in his late fifties, with a weather-beaten face from too much sun exposure. He gave us a brief overview of the cultivation of the cacao tree, and the harvest, processing and production into chocolate. At present, they were growing trees at some 200 out of the 1,200+ Chocolate Hills, all in the remote parts of the municipality, so as not to spoil tourists' camera shots.

According to Mang Bokbok, the rich, fertile soil, coupled with the shade provided by the Hills, were ideal conditions for the cacao tree to flourish and bear much fruit.

Rather skeptical, i asked him, "How come the government has not promoted Bohol chocolate at all? Or your plantations as tourist spots?"

Mang Bokbok frowned slightly, and he launched into a furious tirade. Gulliver took some time to translate his words. Turned out there was a dispute between two opposite factions of the cacao farmers. It went like this:

The Bohol International Industrial Klan (BIIK), being composed of farmers whose sons and daughters were disinclined to carry on with the business, was lobbying for their farmlands to be converted into housing subdivisions.

Meanwhile, the Bohol Underground Land Owners Klan (BULOK), of which Mang Bokbok was the president, believed it was only a matter of time before the world would discover the fantastic qualities of Boholano chocolate. So, they wanted the government to give tax incentives and subsidies to their production, to make it more competitive.

With the two groups warring with each other, the Department of Tourism (DOT) was wary of promoting their cacao plantations as 'eco-nature' destinations.

Besides, to get to their location would require at least 2 hours of driving through dusty, unpaved and winding roads, not necessarily any tourist's cup of hot choco (pun intended).

Mang Bokbok had no love lost for the local government. He described the mayor as "corrupt", who hadn't yet fulfilled his campaign promise to provide the farmers with a new, automated roasting machine for their beans.

The sun was setting, and Gulliver and i were preparing to get back to Panglao.

As we thanked Mang Bokbok for his time, he slyly smiled, and confided the "secret" project he was working on right now. He had heard of the "Alamid coffee", reputedly the most expensive coffee in the world.

This is what made it unique: It is made from the beans found in the droppings (yes, we also know it as 'feces', 'poop' or 'shit') of the Philippine Civet, a cat-like nocturnal mammal closely similar to the mongoose.

The civets eat coffee berries, but the beans inside are swallowed and passed out whole (undigested) by the animal. These beans are gathered from droppings found at the farm. Then, these are filtered, dried under the sun for several days and then roasted for 7 hours.

This inspired a brain wave in Mang Bokbok. He then set about obtaining (through dubious means, i must say) three dozen tarsiers from the sanctuary in Corella, and had been force feeding cacao beans on these poor creatures. Since the tarsiers' diet was composed of crickets and other insects, they were unable to process the beans properly, and said beans go through their digestive tracts undigested.

Further, to ramp up production quickly, Mang Bokbok had installed bright compact fluourescent lights inside his tarsiers' cages, thus depriving them of sleep and raising their stress levels. This had the effect of increasing their poop production threefold.

Quite ingenious, and devious, at the same time.

I asked, "Err....how does the chocolate from the tarsiers' shit taste like?"

Mang Bokbok closed his eyes, and started waxing rhapsodically about the intense, full-bodied aroma and creamy, vanilla-like flavour with a hint of lemony after-taste of the chocolate produced from the tarsiers' droppings. He even offered us a taste, which Gulliver and i quickly declined.

Apparently, he had no qualms about exploiting an endangered animal like the tarsier at all.

"The government is shit. The DOT is full of shit," he opined. With a bemused half-smile on his lined, weary face, he added, "So why not make money from the tarsiers' shit?"

[This story is a product of my imagination, and is pure nonsense]

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 13:11:00 +0000

CHASING THE DOLPHINS
(BOHOL vacation, Part Four)

We had a very early call time today, 6:00 AM. Normally, i would revolt at waking up so early (we were on vacation, after all), but i was actually sorta pumped, even though it was all dark so early in the morning, and we had to eat a hurried breakfast.

Why? Because we were going on our dolphin-watching tour at Pamilacan Island, approximately one hour's banca ride away from Panglao.

Our guide/head boatman, Teddy, led us to our banca, called "ARCA". Fortunately, it seemed to be a sturdy boat, with adequate life jackets on board.

Before we sailed off, i asked Teddy about the numerous touts we had been encountering the past day while walking on the beach, all of them offering dolphin-watching tours at low prices. So, what was the difference between the tours offered by these touts and those offered by the tour company employing him?

He replied that these touts have not undergone the Department of Tourism (DOT) seminar/accreditation for the tours. Thus, they had no license to operate said tour. Moreover, they (and their passengers) have no insurance in the event of some misfortune at high seas. Rather reassuring, eh?

We were also introduced to our 'spotter', Arnel (above pic), who was 18 years old but didn't look a day over 12! [No wonder S. had an immediate crush on him, haha :-D]

Teddy proved to be quite a gregarious guide. We had asked if there were also whales to be seen at this time of year, but no such luck. Apparently, while dolphins can be found year-round, whales can be spotted only in the months of April, May and sometimes June.

Teddy commented that he and his co-residents at Pamilacan Island used to be whale hunters. They used to catch the dolphins, whales, sharks, manta rays, etc., and butcher them for food. But they have all seen the light, so to speak; and this practice has been banned for at least ten years.

Upon my egging, though, he described in graphic detail how they used to harpoon a dolphin, and how it easily got disoriented and dizzy from the smell of its own blood. From then on, it was easy pickings to reel it in.

Then viola! Dolphin sashimi for lunch. He described its taste "like beef".

We had expected a hot sunny morning, and had slathered on as much sunblock as we could, only to be thwarted by the overcast sky. Worse, a fairly hard drizzle came and stayed, making the boat ride towards Pamilacan Island one wet, chilly experience. Good thing, though, that the waves were fairly calm.

Fortunately, the sky cleared up during the mid-way portion of our boat ride, and the sun came out.

"The dolphins are there," Teddy pointed. Then he started clapping and whistling. This seems the standard way to catch the dolphins' attention.

"Where?" I couldn't see any, despite squinting and peering like crazy.

Oh, there they were. Initially, it was hard to pick out these creatures' dark gray fins peeking out from the dark blue waters of the sea; but after some effort, they became readily apparent.

Teddy estimated there were around 200 dolphins swimming around, behind, in front, and even underneath our banca. Yes, these creatures are aware they are being watched.

Taking good pictures of them proved quite difficult, though. The banca was rocking to and fro, the dolphins were swimming fast, and one didn't really want to stretch out too far at our vessel's bow, lest one fall off. We did see a dolphin doing a triple somersault some 30 feet in front of us.

A friend (who had previously seen the dolphins) quipped to me that this tour should be called "dolphin-chasing" instead. She did have a point. After all, unlike your typical experience at Sea World or other marine amusement parks, the dolphins are NOT going to do somersaults, or wave at you, or kiss you, on demand.

Nevertheless, seeing these lovely creatures at their natural habitat was made me real happy. Yep, i didn't even grumble at waking up at such an odd hour.

(For more info, check out the website of Pamilacan Island Dolphin and Whale Watching Tours at http://whales.bohol.ph)

(Thanks yet again to Sheila Tan for the pics, taken with her new 10.0 megapixel camera)

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 12:56:00 +0000

BOHOL BEE FARM
(BOHOL vacation, Part Three)

I had heard about Bohol Bee Farm a few years back from my close friend Sh., but didn't really pay too much attention. I had thought it was something like the Ilog Maria Bee Farm in Cavite, which wasn't anything much to see.

Until Sh. mentioned in passing that the food at the Bohol Bee Farm was pretty good. Faster than you can say "honeybee", i was Googling them and was surprised to learn it was a bee farm-resort-restaurant rolled in one. Oh, you can get a massage here, too.

So i had our countryside itinerary tweaked a bit, and our group visited the Bohol Bee Farm as our last stop before going back to Alona Beach (where we were staying). We were so charmed by the place that we ended up staying for dinner!

Amongst other things, they have a small store selling assorted farm products, such as breads, spreads, honey, teas, a small selection of soaps, and the like. I was particularly taken by their Honeyed Salabat (ginger tea).

We toured around the place a bit, peeking into the various nipa huts and hoping to see people being massaged in various stages of dishabille, haha :D

Below is a pic of the area where they do traditional Hilot massage:

We proceeded to their alfresco restaurant overlooking the sea. It looked pretty inviting, and the view was lovely, too.

Below is a pic of their Organic Garden Salad (Fresh picked assorted romaine lettuce, radish, turnips, mustard greens and indigenous flowers served with honeyed mustard salad dressing), which is supposed to be a must-try.

When it was served to our table, we all looked at it for a few seconds, then at each other, wondering "Are those flowers edible?" The whole thing looks too pretty to eat!

Other dishes we ordered were the: Yoga Salad with Cheese (Assorted organic veggies topped with fresh herbs without onions and garlic) - very good, too! ; Tomato Soup (Home-made tomato soup with tidbits of organic carrots, radish, okra and celery) - quite filling, good for two or three people ; Spareribs - the portions were really large.

Their home-made ice cream (we ordered buko, vanilla and chocolate flavors) were particularly good, too.

To sum it all up, there's good food, shopping for pasalubong, massage area and nice views to be had at Bohol Bee Farm. I was surprised this place isn't as well-known as it ought to be.

Perhaps the only real drawback is that it seems logistically difficult to go here if you are staying on the beachfront areas of Panglao Island. I think it involves renting a van or tricycle to take you back and forth.

(Bohol Bee Farm is located at Dao, Dauis, Panglao Island. For more info on their menu, rates, location, etc., please check out their website)

(Thanks to Sheila Tan again for the pics, taken with her new 9.0 megapixel camera)

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 11:42:00 +0000

YET MORE SUNBLOCK ON MY BACK, PLEASE
(BOHOL vacation, Part Two)

Continuing our tradition of road-testing sunscreen lotions for the greater good of mankind, we pooled together all the sunblocks we brought along to Bohol, as you will see from the pic below:

We had a remarkably good batch this beach outing, since all the 5 sunblocks were easy to disperse into the skin and didn't have any 'oily' feeling.

1. Hawaiian Tropic Sun Junk SPF 45 (Tropical Fusion)

The packaging was unique, to say the least. It reminded me of the odor repellant i used in my car, which sadly, did not repel any odor. Haha. I thought this sunblock was spray-on (i.e. you just point the nozzle to the body part, and start firing away); turns out this wasn't the case.

We really liked this one, though, mainly due to its fruity, appealing smell.

2. Murad Waterproof Sunblock SPF 30

It smelled quite nice as well, with its Pomegranate extract touted to have anti-aging properties. As everyone very well knows, i'm a huge sucker for these natural fruit/herb/plant extract-type of things.

A tad too pricey, though, at around PHP1,300.00 (roughly US$26.00).

3. Soltan Extreme Sport Suncare Lotion SPF 25

The bottle says it provides "extra resistancy against water, wind, sand, cold, sweat and snow." Naks!

Compared to the others, you have to make more effort to rub this sunblock into your skin, but it does stay on. The smell is a bit weird, although not really off-putting.

4. Hawaiian Tropic Ozone Sunblock SPF 70

S. was the one who brought this sunblock. She admitted that its smell was faintly reminiscent of rust and rotten leaves, but claimed that due to its being 'thick' (i.e. viscous in texture), it was therefore effective and served its purpose well.

Hmm. . .i didn't find her logic Einstein-esque, but couldn't marshal any logical arguments to the contrary. I suppose it is more of a mental thing, since its ultra-high SPF (which is really overkill, by the way) can make one more secure and protected against the sun.

5. The Face Shop Oil-Free Sun Milk SPF 38

Being in liquid form, i had thought this would be difficult to apply, but surprisingly it wasn't. It felt a bit oilier on the skin than the others, though.

So, which one won our "Annual Beach Outing Sun Block Road Test" contest?

It was none other than the Hawaiian Tropic Sun Junk!! Not only did we like its smell and performance, at the price of PHP499.00 (around US$10), it provided fantastic value for money.

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 12:08:00 +0000

TARSIER WANTS TO PHONE HOME, BUT HAS NO LOAD
(BOHOL vacation, Part One)

We spent a day touring around the popular sites in Bohol, and one of them was viewing the Philippine tarsier (Tarsius syrichta), the smallest known specie of monkey and indigenous to Bohol.

It has gray fur and a nearly naked tail. Tarsiers are named as such because of their special elongated tarsial bones, which form their ankles and enable them to leap to almost 10 feet from tree to tree. They weigh only 4 - 5 ounces, and are quite small (around 11 cm, or 4 inches only). Their diet is composed mainly of crickets.

Another interesting factoid is that tarsiers can rotate their head almost 180 degrees in each direction. Whoa!

Being classified as an endangered species, the government had stepped in and established an 'official' Tarsier sanctuary in Corella, where an approximately 134-hectare piece of land has been set aside as the Phil. Tarsier Sanctuary. Here, there are supposedly more than a hundred tarsiers living in the wild.

However, since it was not very accessible and the tarsiers were probably not keen on being disturbed, what the DENR did was to put up 4 accredited viewing sites, such as the one that we went to in Loboc.

It is essentially a small roadside shack with a few trees, each having its resident tarsier; and some souvenir stands selling all sorts of knick knacks, Peanut Kisses (it mystifies me why Hershey's has not yet sued these people in Bohol for blatant trademark infringement?!? :D), and cold drinks.

Oh, there are some strict guidelines in viewing these creatures, namely:

a) NO flash photography, as this will either scare them or damage their eyes, or both.

b) NO touching! Once stressed, they become suicidal.

c) NO, you can't buy them, and make them into household pets!

Most people i know have described these creatures as 'cute', which quite honestly, was the last word i would use to describe them!

Our guide also mentioned that these tarsiers were nocturnal creatures, which begs the obvious question: What do they do at night? After all, all tourists visit them during daytime hours, and all they ever do is hang on tree branches for dear life, with this worried, bug-eyed look.

Some questions burned in my mind:

Can the tarsiers really leap from tree to tree? I have yet to see any National Geographic or Discovery Channel documentary showing this.

What could they be doing during the 'witching' hours when they are awake? Play hopscotch? Wipe their snot on each other's eyes for fun? What?!?

Our guide, and anyone else we asked, didn't know. Hmph.

After taking pics and looking at them closely, my friend R.T. jokingly commented, "E.T. phone home."

I don't know, man, but i think they're deadringers for Gollum from LOTR! Like this one:

Fortunately, though, we also saw the lesser-known, much cuter cousin of the tarsier, as you can see below:

I'm sure you'll all agree with me that they're much more endearing, eh?

(Thanks to Sheila Tan for the pics, taken with her new 8.0 megapixel camera)

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 13:21:00 +0000

SPEED DATING : A 'TWISTED' EVENT

Around late January, i realized that wretched, over-commercialized V-Day was fast coming up, and my potential V-date had turned out to be, well, lacking in potential, after all.

So, with no viable date in the far, far horizon, yours truly decided to do the next best thing: sign up for this "Early Valentine" Speed Dating event targeted to the Filipino-Chinese community.

Days before the event, i was informed there would be a "twist" with this speed dating event. But despite badgering the vivacious organizer Candie, she steadfastly refused to spill the beans.

Speed dating normally works this way: The guys and gals sit facing each other on individual tables, and talk to each other one-on-one for an allotted number of minutes (commonly 3 or 4 minutes). Then, once a buzzer or bell signifies the end of this allotted time, the guys move over to the next table where the next girl awaits, and the process starts all over again.

Each guy and gal has a checklist in their hand, wherein they "check" those people whom they liked well enough to want to see again. So, if Guy A checks Gal Z, and she also checks him, then we have a "match".

A day or two after the event, the organizers inform each participant by email how many matches they have, along with the mobile phone numbers of the said members of the opposite sex.

On the night itself, the turnout was overwhelming. There were 31 pairs signed up (whoa!). So, i guess there were that many unattached-yet-on-the-prowl people like me! Haha :D

Candie went onstage, and announced that the game. . . err, event was about to begin. Further, she revealed that the twist was that this would be a "group" speed dating, instead of the normal one-on-one set-up.

This was how it would work:

There were a total of 6 tables, and each table would have more or less 5 guys and 5 gals. They would be given 15 minutes to mingle, chat, make jokes, stare into space, etc. before the guys move on to the next table, and so on.

To break the ice (factoid: Fil-Chis, or "Tsinoys", are amongst the coldest bunch of people on earth), there would be a game question for each round, which the speed dating participants would answer. This, hopefully, would get everyone involved, and start sharing juicy tidbits about themselves.

Candie explained the rationale for the shift from one-on-one to group: Based on their previous events, participants would get hoarse from all that talking by the midpoint (and i suspect, tired about being asked and answering the same questions regarding their age, job, school, income, etc.), and sort of not enjoying themselves anymore from then on. Clearly, a case of diminishing marginal returns at work.

Also, i thought the group format was an ingenious way for the organizer to deal with last-minute no-shows/flakers, as it eliminated the need to have the exact same number of guys and gals.

Nevertheless, i had serious reservations about this so-called "twist", in all honesty. Probably because i'm anti-social, taciturn and don't like big groups.

Besides, under the usual one-on-one set-up, i have the entire 4 minutes to monopolize the girl's attention, and hopefully charm the pants off her. [IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This is a figure of speech only; DO NOT take it literally, okay?]

Whereas under the new group set-up, i have to find a way to stand out from the other 4 guys, who are all in their own way trying a find a way to stand out and impress the girls, too! Likely result: total chaos.

While i (secretly) wished that the other 4 guys at the table were all pasty-faced schmucks, so that i come across as relatively "better", i could not afford to take things to chance. After all, one has to take one's fate into one's own hands, right? You know, "Carpe Diem!" or whatever.

Without further ado, we guys were assigned our respective tables, and the game was afoot!

Amongst the questions used as starting points were:

a) Describe yourself using words which start with each letter of your first name. [For example, Candie could describe herself as "Catty, alluring, neurotic, delicate, ingenious and elegant"]

b) "If you were marooned on a desert island, who are the 3 people (whether dead or alive, real or imaginary, etc.) whom you would bring along, and why?"

c) State 3 things about yourself, 2 of which are factual and 1 being a lie. Then the members of the opposite sex at your table will guess which one is the lie, and you tell them if they had guess correctly or not.

In fairness to Candie (and contrary to my earlier reservations), this new group speed dating format worked quite well, especially during the later stages. At first, people were sort of shy, and deferred to others to start the ball rolling. But once warmed up, most everyone was willing to share interesting tidbits about themselves.

In particular, making wild guesses regarding which "fact" was in fact a lie proved to be hilarious. Not only did this game bring out interesting revelations from each of us, it brought forth lots of good-natured 'roasting' and bantering and hooting when each person had to reveal which of his/her statements was the lie, and why exactly so.

Of course, the evening was not complete without some low points, like the girls from the wretched Table no. [x]. I do not intend to sound mean, but really, they were regrettably a trifle deficient in the personality department.

For one, they kept on pointing to the others to get the discussion started, much like guests at a Chinese dinner lauriat, who move the lazy Susan back and forth the table, urging each other to be the one to dig into the food first. Then, when finally pressed to say something substantial, they hemmed and hawwed and frowned in agonizingly deep thought, as time ticked away.

One of them proferred the oh-so-fascinating tidbit that she "didn't like cheese". Equally uninspiring was another one who professed her love for travelling. When i inquired what her favorite travel destination was, or what had been her most enjoyable trip so far, she clammed up and looked at me uncomprehendingly, as though i asked her whether cold nuclear fusion was the answer to global warming.
Tsk, tsk.

Due to the late hour, Candie was not able to tabulate the results, and instead, promised to email everyone their respective "matches" shortly.

So the waiting game begins.

(For more details on the speed dating event, please check out www.my20firstdates.com)

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 15:38:00 +0000

THE FINANCIAL METRICS OF RE-GIFTING

Having decided to play the Christmas Grinch this year, I have been searching through my closets and drawers for stuff to re-gift to the poor souls who managed to make my severely-downsized gift list.

Let me just point out once and for all that, contrary to popular opinion, people who re-gift are not cheap, lazy couch potatoes who are, well, too cheap and lazy to remember their loved ones at this time of the year and schlep over to the mall to buy the necessary gifts.

Au contraire, mon ami. We re-gifters (also known as RGs) are actually doing the world a huge, huge favor! Why? Just think of all the carbon emissions we are NOT emitting, by not driving our cars and burning fuel as our engines idle for 20 minutes while queuing at the mall parking entrance and driving around looking for that ever-elusive parking spot.

And don't get me started on all that wasteful packaging that comes with purchasing gifts. Why shirts have to be wrapped in fine Japanese paper, then into plastic and then into a carton shopping bag is beyond me.

If anything, it is the fault of those people who give us weird / inappropriate / unusable gifts ("Unwanted Gifts", or UGs) in the first place, that we RGs are forced to RG!!! :-D Gaddemit!!

Anyway, to get to the point, i've thought of some metrics to evaluate the effectiveness and efficiency of one's RG efforts:

1. Average Mental Regifting Period (AMRP)

= No. of days between the time you receive an UG, and the time you think of someone who would make a good victim, errr, recipient of the regifted unwanted gift (i.e. RUG).

For ex., if you receive a faux Seiko wallet from your creepy Uncle Leo on Dec. 12th and realized on Dec. 22nd that it would be an ideal gift for your lazy golf pro Cosmo, then your AMRP is ten (10) days.

Our rule of thumb is as follows:

<> 100 days - You're a bit of a dunce, aren't you?

2. Average Unwanted Gift Turnover (AUGT)

= 360
______________________________________________

No. of days between receipt of UG and actual re-gifting of the UG

This measures how efficiently you actually RG UGs, rather than stashing them in your closet and forgetting them till next Christmas.

Say that you get a ceramic white frog from your annoying nephew George on Dec. 9th and regifted it to your big-haired secretary Elaine via the office Kris Kringle on Dec. 24th, then your AUGT is 24. Pretty good!

3. Unwanted Gift Recipient Christmas Thrill Rating (UGRCTR)

= Recipient's satisfaction with the RUG (out of 10 points) _____________________________________________

Re-gifter's expected satisfaction from Recipient (out of 10 points)

Ergo, if your overweight postman Newman goes ballistic over the coffee mug you RG'd him (i.e. 3 out of 10), yet you actually thought he would enjoy drinking his daily cappuccino using it (i.e. 9 of 10), then the UGRCTR is a paltry 0.33.

On a chirpier note, if Newman liked the dog repellant you gave him (RG'd via your demanding boss Mr. Pitt), the corresponding UGRCTR would likely be 10 / 10 = 1.

Our aim is for this ratio to be equal to 1, meaning the recipient liked your gift as much as you had expected. In the event that the UGRCTR is greater than 1 (i.e. the recipient's delight goes beyond your wildest expectations), both RG and recipient are enjoined to hold hands and sing (all together now), "Fa la la la la, La la la la . . . ."

Merry Christmas, everyone!

(Thanks to "Cartoonful" for the tree photo)

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:29:00 +0000

G.U.S. NITPICKS!! (v. 20)

VIEUX CHALET ANTIPOLO

Five years ago. . . .

GUS : "Hey R., have you heard of this Swiss resto somewhere in Antipolo? Named Vieux Chalet?"
R. : "Yeah, i ate there once, a long time ago. It's rather out of the way, and hard to find."
GUS : "Really? Is the food good? As in, worth the trip?"
R. : "Yeah, very good. And it's pretty popular with all these middle-aged Makati executive types."
GUS : "Huh, why so?"
R. : "Coz that's where they bring their mistresses for intimate dinners. For sure, no one will catch them!"

Present-Day

After months of planning and meshing together of schedules, we (meaning charming J., amazonic R., suave XQ, with baby Moon in tow; and i) were finally off to Vieux Chalet for a reunion-cum-foodtrip.

Vieux Chalet was started by Tony Hassig of Switzerland way back in 1984 (!). It is simply amazing for a resto to last this long, especially in an industry notorious for short lifespans and given its out-of-the-way location. At present, it is his wife, Susan Hassig, who is in overall charge of the restaurant.

Vieux Chalet is essentially a house converted into a family-run restaurant. It is surprisingly small, having only 5 tables. The place can best be described as unpretentious, like dining in a family friend's house. The ambiance is very informal, and laden with rustic charm. The air was cool, birds were chirping in the background, and it was as rural and laid-back as can be.

The antique piano works, and assorted bric-a-brac is pretty to look at. I was egging amazonic R. to play "Blue Moon", but sadly, this was beyond her skills.

Corner table at Vieux Chalet, with a nice view. You can see the Makati skyline (and the overhanging cloud of smog) from afar.

The paintings on the walls are all for sale. While we were there, a kid from another table accidentally knocked a picture frame to the wooden floor, and they paid for it. At our table, we made jokes about how the artist would probably go bonkers, if he were to find out that the reason his work was selling at a brisk pace was due to accidents like this.

We duly ordered, and took some photos while waiting for our food. So far, everything was okay. I was just wondering if the food would be as good as hyped. After all, one didn't drive all the way out here to get a bad meal, right?

And our food came out, in this order:

Raclette (PHP185.00)

No one amongst us was fond of black olives, but other than that, this dish was very well-received. The cheese was tart without being cloying, and the potato had the right consistency. The portion could have been bigger, though.

Pizza de la Casa (home-cured ham, mushroom, cheese and oregano)
(PHP495.00)

Crispy crust, delightful toppings!!

Rosti (Swiss-style potatoes) (PHP185.00)

I tend to think of this dish as an oversized pancake-style hash brown. Whatever it may be, R. blurted out "Sarap!", and resolved to try making her own version at home. If we were living in the time of Robin Hood, we would have responded with, "Aye, aye! Thou speakest the truth, fair damsel." Hehe :-D

Fresh Fish Fillet in White Wine Sauce (PHP485.00)

The fish used for this dish was dory, and it was absolutely tender! And the sauce was light and delicate, and complemented the fish quite nicely, too.

Osso Buco (Veal Shank in fresh Basil and Tomato sauce)
(PHP585.00)

The meat was tender, although i personally thought the sauce was a tad too salty. But charming J. absolutely loved this. Really good.

[left] Parfait du Chocolat and [right] Butter nut Ice cream

The Parfait du Chocolat was fantabulous! Terrific! Unanimous that this was fantastique! I could have eaten a whole gallon of this, i swear! And an absolute steal, at something like PHP65.00 only. Meanwhile, the Butter nut ice cream was a bit too sweet and cloying for me, but R. liked it very much, even dunking each scoop into her coffee.

For drinks, we had all chosen the Lemongrass Cooler. It was very refreshing and had just the right amount of sweetness. Suave XQ recounted how he had tried several times making lemongrass tea/juice at home, which proved devilishly difficult as sometimes it could be too strong, and he had to add lots of pandan just to balance the taste.

I wished, though, that Vieux Chalet offered a "bottomless"/unlimited refills option of this. Funnily enough, the lemongrass cooler turned out not to be to J.'s taste, so she ordered a Coke instead. I was all too willing to swoop in and finish her lemongrass for her. Haha!

To sum it all up, the food was really great, going even beyond our expectations. The bill came around to something like PHP750.00/pax, not a bad deal.

Even before we had left, i was already scheming on a return trip to Vieux Chalet!

I'll leave you all with this pic:

(Vieux Chalet is located at Taktak Road, Antipolo City. Tel# +632 697-0396, and Mobile# +63 917 856-5175 . For complete details on directions getting there, menu, prices and reservations, check out www.vieuxchaletphilippines.blogspot.com)

**Many thanks to Irwin Cruz for the photo of Vieux Chalet's facade (topmost photo)

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 02:37:00 +0000

The GUS Guide to Surviving a Few Days in Mumbai
(Part Two of the Mumbai debacle)

Upon hearing that i was taking a trip to Mumbai, i was deluged with all sorts of well-intentioned (and ill-conceived) advice from friends. For example, someone actually told me to wear a face mask, while another friend reminded me sternly to get vaccination shots beforehand!

Rather overkill, don't ya think? If my memory serves me correctly, the only positive reaction came from my bodacious friend from the tennis courts, Nx, who remarked excitedly what an exotic place Mumbai seemed to be and how she wanted the chance to go there in the future.

I've decided to write a by-no-means complete travel guide for would-be first-time visitors to Mumbai, so they would have a clearer idea what to expect. Here goes:

1. Getting Around

As my friend JPL put it, "Be prepared to overpay for transportation. The motto is, if they can screw you, they will."

Upon arrival in Mumbai, avail of the prepaid taxi coupon service at the airport. DO NOT just go out to the arrival area, and accept offers by the numerous touts to take you to your hotel for a cheap price.

Why? To put it succinctly, tout offering cheap transpo + gullible, unprepared tourist = circuitous route taken by taxi driver + possible extortion.

Yep, i am not kidding. So, while the official black & yellow airport taxis do not inspire much confidence, being 1970s-era Fiats, they are your best bet.

In general, taxis are classified either as "regular" (no Aircon) or "special" (with Aircon). Avoid taking a "regular" taxi at all costs, unless you want to sweat like a pig from the heat, or have a wizened, bent-over beggar reach her crooked arm through the open window to wheedle some rupees from you.

Upon getting inside a taxi, immediately instruct the driver to turn on the meter. Nine times out of ten, he will refuse and try to convince you that the rates are fixed, depending on distance and destination.

Insist he use the meter. If he again refuses, make (an empty) threat that you will file a complaint against him. If he still refuses, get out of his cab and find another one (and tell him to "Go to hell!" in Hindi, while at it. Haha :D).

2. Drinking water

Most common advice given to us was, "Do not drink water from the tap!" Not even when gargling while brushing your teeth! Stick to bottled water all the time.

A friend of mine even made the following distinction: Buy bottled water only from 7-11 outlets, not from local groceries; and buy only international brands such as Vittel, Evian and Perrier, not local Indian brands.

In his case, he had made the mistake of buying a local bottled water brand, and endured 2 days of diarrhea as a result.

3. Eating

Stay at a 5-Star hotel and eat your meals there. Yes, this will be quite expensive. As JPL wryly commented, "There is a high cost to staying healthy."

It is best to avoid dairy products, raw seafood, fresh salads and the like. Much better to stick to food which has been thoroughly cooked. Hence, i think we ate all sorts of kebabs during our meals, which i liked very much.

Regarding drinks, do not pour your soda or juice or whatever to a glass full of ice! A thousand times no!

4. Shopping

Due to some rioting in the streets, we were not able to go out and do as much shopping as we had time for.

Prices are always negotiable, even in those pricey hotel souvenir shops. Bargain hard!
That old trick of pretending to walk away if you're not happy with the prices does work. Once in a while, at least.

Oh, if you ever walk into a shop selling Turkish carpets and have no intention of buying one, get out before the proprietor has taken you by the arm and snapped his fingers for his underlings to roll out various carpets on the floor and extolled their respective design, craftmanship and thread count virtues. Believe me, these people WILL exert more pressure on you than a turbo broiler!

5. Customs

A sense of humor goes a long way. Accept that things do not run like clockwork, and you're half-way towards bearing all sorts of craziness with some degree of grace.

Try not to pass things or eat using your left hand, as this hand is considered unclean. Locals do not really expect foreign tourists to be aware of this, but doing so does help build some goodwill.

So that they don't try too hard to fleece you!!!!

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 12:17:00 +0000

SPEEDING ON THE EXPRESSWAY IN BOMBAY
(Part One of the Mumbai debacle)

That old saying comes to mind: When in Mumbai, do as the Mumbainites (Mumbaiers? Mumbites? Bombay bombers??) do.

The sun was shining unbearably hot during the middle of the afternoon. Having finished the day's work, my friend JPL and i were looking for a way to get back to the cozy, airconditioned confines of our hotel, Grand Hyatt Mumbai.

Having been fleeced big-time by a taxi driver earlier that morning, who refused to use the meter and insisted on charging us a fixed rate, JPL and i paid no heed to the taxi drivers clamoring to take us back to our hotel. Heck, if i knew how to say "Go to hell!" in Hindi, i would have done so.

So we decided to take a chance on a tuktuk, basically a souped-up tricycle (see above pic).

Unfortunately, the drivers were quite tricky and wanted to charge us a fixed fee as well, instead of using their meters. After some half-hearted protestations and muttered curses underneath our breaths, JPL and i capitulated due to the searing heat and agreed to the sum of INR150 (around US$3.00).

"Well, what can we expect? They're all Indians!" I shrugged resignedly.

There was some confusion with regards to our destination. According to Samit, our driver, "There are two Hyatt hotel, the Grand Hyatt and the Hyatt Regency. One is near domestic airport, another near international airport. Which one you in?"

JPL replied, "Grand Hyatt."

With a rather diffident look on his face, he started again, "There are two Hyatts. . . ."

I cut Samit off, "We are at Grand Hyatt!"

After so more back and forth exchanges, the terrible truth dawned on us: Samit didn't know which Hyatt was near which airport!

He asked, "Can you call them [the hotel]?"

Quite annoyed by now, i retorted, "We don't know the number!"

He persisted, "Address? Is it near Sahar airport?"

JPL and i looked at each other quizzically. We didn't know our hotel's address, nor had we heard of Sahar airport! I hesitantly replied, "It's off the expressway. . ."

But this was no help at all. Fortunately, JPL was able to fish around in his pockets for the hotel key card; and finally, it became clear to Samit where he was supposed to take us.

Samit turned out to be a whirling dervish on the road, wheeling in and out of traffic as though his pants were on fire. With all the overtaking and swerving he did, we came within inches of colliding not only with other tuktuks, but also with motorcycles, taxis, trucks and even a bus or two.

Check out the pic below, showing the view from the backseat of the tuktuk:

Of course, our ride would not have been complete without the obligatory tourist chatter. Samit asked, "First time in Mumbai?"

After hearing our assent, he smiled and asked further, "You like it?"

"Hell, NO!! Your city stinks to high heavens, the roads are dusty and full of beggars and all you taxi and tuktuk drivers are nothing but a bunch of cheats and the traffic is horrible and the heat is even more horrible!!!" was what went through my mind and was at the tip of my tongue.

But playing the nice tourist for once, i merely said, through gritted teeth, "Yes, nice place." Hell, i felt my nose getting longer by the second. Grrrr!!

Samit asked, "You from Nepal?"

I wanted to give a sharp retort, "No, we're from Timbuktu!" But JPL, being the kind person that he was, set him straight as to our country of origin.

Upon JPL's inquiry, Samit informed us that his tuktuk used Compressed Natural Gas (CNG) and oil, not gasoline or diesel. Efforts to have a continued conversation were hampered by the honking horns, rumbling motors and street noise.

Which was just as well. We pressed him regarding exactly what type of oil was he using, but dropped the matter, as Samit had the disconcerting habit of taking his eyes off the road and tilting his head to the right side, so he could look at us while talking.

"Look out!" i cried, as we barely missed falling into a roadside ditch by inches.

Eventually, we arrived at the Grand Hyatt Mumbai a bit shaken, not stirred, happily with all limbs intact.

Oh, as i reached for my wallet to pay Samit the agreed-upon sum of INR150, he smiled and said, "INR200 [around US$4.00] please, due to long distance."

With our comfy hotel room beckoning, i did not even bother to argue and handed over the Rupee notes. (Sigh) Fleeced again!

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 11:27:00 +0000

G.U.S. NITPICKS!! (v. 19)

NAGOMI Japanese Resto

I had always felt that there were two types of people in this world: those who eat sushi / sashimi, and those who don't. Of course, we all know that the people in the latter category are no fun at all, right? :D

So it was, that my maldita friend KK (who absolutely adores sashimi!) and i arrived at this resto's doorsteps yesterday night. NAGOMI (meaning "Harmony" in Nihongo) has been around for many years already, but somehow i've overlooked it and this was the first time i was eating here.

Presence of a Japanese family dining at a nearby table was reassuring. The staff were uniformly friendly, even cheerful. On the downside, i detected a slight musty smell inside the resto.

NAGOMI has this thick menu with loads and loads of bright, chirpy pictures of the food. Honestly, it was actually quite hard to decide what to order, as the array of choices was simply dizzying! From sushi to teppanyaki to yoshokuya . . . it goes on and on and on! In fairness, most of the choices did look appetizing.

Check out this page of the menu, "A Variety of Attractive Sushi".

Quite vivid and attractive, isn't it?

KK and i spent no small time discussing what to order. We both felt that the pictures were very helpful, but somehow the lack of descriptions can be a hindrance, too. Like for example, what was the difference between the Dynamite Roll and the Fire Cracker Roll?

Finally, we decided on the ff: Tuna and Ika (squid) Sashimi [pictured below], miso soup, Dynamite roll, rice and Gyu Koro (beef) Teppanyaki.

The food was uniformly very good, with the sashimi firm and tasty, and the beef teppanyaki tender and juicy. Even though KK proved to have a hearty appetite (which i really, really appreciated, since i can't stand girls who are too diet-conscious), we were undone by the Dynamite roll [pictured below]. We were simply too full to finish it off.

NAGOMI, in my opinion, is not quite a fine-dining Jap resto, but i would rank it in the same tier as Sugi. A return trip (with maldita KK) is definitely in the cards.

Oh, one minor quibble though. Lest i be accused of being totally shallow and petty (which i am, anyway. Haha! ;-D), the dull salmon-pink-colored tablecloth really doesn't do it for me. A colossal eyesore! I hope the management replaces them ASAP!

(NAGOMI Japanese Restaurant is located at the El Pueblo Complex, Pasig City, right across the Podium)

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:05:00 +0000

PUCCINI'S "LA BOHEME"
(The Greatest Love Story Ever Sung)

RENT-head (or RENThead), n : someone who is obsessed with, or at least a very big fan of Jonathan Larson's rock opera RENT.

I certainly consider myself a RENT-head. It is my favorite stage musical, having watched it 4X in total, and having listened to the 2-CD original cast recording more times than i could remember ("Another Day" and "Without You" being my favorite songs).

Hence, my excitement at watching the Philippine Opera Company's first full-length opera production, La Boheme, on which RENT was loosely based on. After all, this was the original source material for RENT. . . the mother spaceship, so to speak.

For a brief synopsis of La Boheme, and comparisons between it and RENT, please check out Karla Gutierrez's (POC Artistic and Managing Director) Multiply site and this link from Our Awesome Planet. The plot is more or less the same, with the names a bit changed: Marcello is Mark, Rodolfo is Roger, Colline is Collins, Schaunard is Angel, Benoit is Benny, Musetta is Maureen, and Mimi is. . .well, Mimi.

I corralled my caustically witty friend Wd. to watch the opening night with me, although i must admit some misgivings entered in my mind. After all, who really watches opera in this country? Cultured geriatric high-society types, of course, but who else?

I guess that by staging La Boheme, the POC was trying to capture a broader and younger audience for opera. And La Boheme was the logical thing to stage, since its storyline was familiar to the numerous RENT-heads like me.

So there we were on opening night, perched on the front row of Balcony Center, looking down below and scanning to see how big the audience turnout would be.

Initial results were not encouraging. Wd. and i estimated that at the start of the opera, only 40% of the Orchestra and Balcony seats were filled. The Parterre boxes, in particular, were virtually empty.

On to the show. National Artist Bencab's presence was acknowledged; Helen Quach, the conductress of the orchestra, was introduced, and La Boheme duly began.

Unfortunately, this is where things kinda fall downhill. From our section at Balcony Center, the sound was rather weak and the actors' faces were barely recognizable. No matter, i thought, i was intimately familiar with the plot anyway, and should have no problems following along.

But try as i might, the arias sung in Italian proved to be too much. The novelty wore off after a few minutes, and my mind started drifting off to mundane matters, like whether i prefer to eat peanut butter or strawberry jam for tomorrow's breakfast, that sort of thing.

Something does really get lost in translation, in my opinion. There is something to be said for knowing the ongoing dialogue line by line.

We didn't know exactly what the actors were gesticulating about at any one moment. For example, in Act 2, Mimi was standing and embracing Rodolfo. What was she exactly singing about? Professing her undying love towards him? In what way? Or was she merely instructing him to order for her the pancit canton? WHAT?!!?

The bloggers who had attended the special preview/dress rehearsal night on Oct. 1st gave generally high marks, one of them even writing that “the fact that the show is conducted in Italian does not detract from its enjoyment. Music is the only true universal language and Italian, one of the most mellifluous, romantic, and beautiful languages in the world, certainly does not hurt the show, either.”

Sorry to rain on everyone's parade, but really?! I feel like a dunce who forgot the password to Alibaba's cave when i say this, but really?!?

I really wish the POC decided to make use of opera supertitles (i.e. simultaneous English translation of the libretto on a horizontal video screen somewhere above the stage) for La Boheme. It would have made it much easier to understand and appreciate what exactly was going on during each act.

(I had watched 'The Romance of Magno Rubio' a few years ago at CCP Little Theater, staged in Filipino, and they did have English supertitles) Granted, while supertitles make it easier for the audience to follow the storyline, they can distract from the performers, as excellently discussed in this article from the New York Times here, titled "So That's What The Fat Lady Sang".

Let me put it this way: The perfect audience for La Boheme would have been people who could understand and/or speak Italian, not people like me whose command of the language is limited to "ciao", "grazie" and "pizza quatro formaggio".

But since only a tiny minority in the audience likely understood Italian, and not everyone can relate to two hours of singing in a foreign language they cannot comprehend, the POC would have been much better served by accommodating majority of its audience through the use of supertitles.

All in all, our eager anticipation at the start of Act 1 turned into restlessness by Act 2, then to tedium in Act 3; and by Act 4, Wd. and i were flat-out bored. It just seemed like the thing wasn't simply going to end, and Mimi was taking so long to die (oops, sorry for the spoiler!)

I was already having fantasies of rapelling down from the balcony ala Tom Cruise in 'Mission Impossible', and sticking an imaginary balisong into Mimi, to put an end to her suffering AND MY misery.

Wonder of wonders though, when La Boheme ended and the lights came on, roughly 80% of the seats were filled by then.

(Check out www.philippineoperacompany.com for updates on future productions)

OVERHEARD WHILE THE SHOW WAS GOING ON:

During Act 1:

Guy seated at row behind us (in Fookien dialect, and in a lecturing tone of voice), to his female companion: "You don't come to see them [actors] act, just to listen to the singing...."

During Act 2:

Same guy seated behind us (in Fookien): "There's just one good song in this opera."
- perhaps he was referring to Musetta's Waltz?

Woman seated at row beside us, to her companion (in Fookien): "I heard that the star gets paid PHP2,000 to PHP3,000 per night." - could this be true?

During Act 3: (while Musetta and Marcello are kissing and groping each other)

Woman seated at row behind us (in Fookien, and in a shocked voice): "Is that [kissing and groping] real? Really? Hah..." (sharp intake of breath)

During Act 4:

Woman seated 2 rows behind us: "ZZZZZZZZZ" [snoring, in perfect Italian]

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 11:03:00 +0000

PARIS SANS EIFFEL
(Part Four)

THE GARGOYLES OF NOTRE DAME

After going our separate ways this morning (Newman joined the Old Marais Quarter walking tour, while i checked out Musee d' Orsay and Musee de l'Orangerie), we met up 3:00PM at the Notre Dame Cathedral, another one of the most visited tourist spots in Paris.

Except we weren't going inside the cathedral. Instead, we were in line outside, for the tour of the cathedral tower.

The Notre-Dame tower visit is a trip through all of the upper parts of the western façade, dating from the 13th century. The main attraction is the Galerie des Chimères, where the cathedral's legendary gargoyles (chimères) can be found. These were built by Viollet-le-Duc in the 19th century and the 17th century Emmanuel Bell.

It costs EURO 7.50/pax; and alarmingly, the path to the top of the South Tower takes something like 422 steps. (No, there is no elevator, obviously!)

Only around fifteen or so people are let in at any given time, so the queue can be very long. After more than 30 minutes of waiting, Newman and i were finally climbing the narrow, round stairs to the top.

Below are some pics of the gargoyles. In the spirit of fun, i've decided to make some funny [fingers crossed] captions for each pic:

"Yum! This steriod-laden, commercial chicken is much more tasty than that free-range, organic shit!"

"Oops!! Don't tell the Pope i accidentally spit on that 300lb loud American tourist wearing red and yellow plaid shorts, okay?"

"Yes, Bossing."

"This view of the Eiffel Tower is so boring. Perhaps i should invite the missus to go on a holiday to Amsterdam this summer?!"

[Sigh] "When will the equities markets ever recover? Only my APPLE stock is in the black....."

These eerie-looking (some would say "demonic") half-man, half-beast monsters are carved out of stone, and adorn the gutters of the Cathedral. The word "gargoyle" is derived from Latin, meaning gullet or drain. So that's what these creatures are, drainpipes.

Each grotesque figure has a passageway inside that carries rainwater from the roof and out through the gargoyle's mouth. But since the 16th century, when lead drainpipes were invented, the gargoyles are now only used for decorative purposes.

Of course, not everyone is satisfied with such a prosaic explanation. Superstition has it that the gargoyles are meant to ward off evil spirits.

Which doesn't really make sense, if you think about it. A Catholic cathedral needing demons to ward off evil spirits??! I don't think so.

(Check out the official website, http://www.notredamedeparis.fr, for more info)

Yet again, thanks to Newman for the pics. Click here for his post about climbing up Notre Dame Cathedral.

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 08:34:00 +0000

PARIS SANS EIFFEL
(Part Three)

ROLAND GARROS

Finally, the main reason for taking the long flight to Paris was here!

First, a brief background for non-tennis fanatics. Roland Garros is one of professional tennis' most prestigious tournaments, which comprise the "Grand Slams", the others being the Australian Open (Melbourne), Wimbledon (London), and US Open (New York).

It is played on this red clay surface (crushed brick, actually), which has a slow bounce; therefore, matches tend to be full of long baseline rallies, as players try to pound each other into submission. For mens' singles, which are best-of-five sets, it is not uncommon for matches to last beyond 3 hours each.

The tournament itself runs for two weeks, but we were watching only the first 3 days.

The French, being the French, named their home Slam after a real person, the World War I aviator and war hero Roland Garros. Click here for a brief account of his career.

Of course, no one except tennis purists cares about this; and everyone refers to the tournament as simply the "French Open". Click here for Newman's vivid account of how he got our tix, through the French Tennis Federation's website.

It was an unexpectedly smooth and easy journey via the Metro, from our hotel going to the Roland Garros complex. As we entered the tennis facility during the first day of the tournament, Newman remarked that compared to the US Open, the grounds of Roland Garros are quite compact, making it very easy to walk from the big stadiums to the smaller, outside courts.

And the prices being charged at the food concession stands were expensive, but not quite exhorbitant; unlike the US Open, which he described as shameless [with matching shake of the head].

The merchandise store was another matter, though. Imagine, 30 EURO for a cotton T-shirt with the Roland Garros logo?!

For me, it was quite an experience being able to see all these world-class tennis players live. Watching tennis on TV can be very misleading, as the ball travels so slowly on screen. But in real life, all the pros (even the willow-thin, teenage girls) hit the ball quite hard and flat and with great consistency.

Check out below photos of the grounds crew as they prepared the courts in between practices and matches:

This beefy guy looks like he could be a bouncer at the Moulin Rouge during evenings, no?

Sweeping with Gallic flair makes all the difference.

We were a bit unlucky though, as during our 3rd and last day, there was a continuous drizzle and play was mostly washed out for the entire day. Yeah, quite a bummer, with nothing to do but wait and wait for the rains to stop. . .and eat Haagen-Daz ice cream while at it. Haha....

Again, thanks to Newman for the pics. Click here to see his post regarding the crazy tennis action at Roland Garros.

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 09:32:00 +0000

PARIS SANS EIFFEL
(Part Two)

MONTMARTRE WALKING TOUR
(The Man Who Could Walk Through Walls)

Newman and i arrived at Paris within a few hours apart of each other, me from Manila and him from NJ, and met at our hotel. There was some delay in checking into our room, not least because the hotel's old-fashioned elevator was capable of carrying maximum 3 persons only; and could hardly contain the two of us and our luggage.

Our first order of business was to join a walking tour of Paris' Montmartre district. This area is a hill with the highest point in the city, and is rather bohemian in character; or at least, was. After all, this was where artists like Monet, Renoir, and Van Gogh spent parts of their lives, attracted by the cheap rents and artistic vibe.

In fact, the windmill depicted in Renoir's "Le Moulin de la Galette" (1876) still stands, albeit now converted into a restaurant.

At present, Montmartre has been gentrified a bit, with lots of sidewalk cafes (the Parisians are no. 1 in terms of people-watching!) and souvenir shops selling "J'aime Paris" T-shirts. Nonetheless, there are still plenty of interesting sites to see.

According to our guide, Michael (an American transplanted from Los Angeles), Montmartre originally wasn't part of Paris. In fact, until now, there are senior citizens who talk of "going down to Paris" for the day.

Check out the Basilique Sacre-Coeur (Basilica of the Sacred Heart) below, with its distinctive white finish. This is due to a certain type of stone used, which constantly weathers out its calcite, so that it bleaches with age to a chalky whiteness. In fact, this basilica never needs exterior cleaning!

There is also a plaza with lots of cafes, and lots of local artists selling their artwork, and some of them can paint your portrait right on the spot. I liked this artist's works the most:

But for me, the highlight of our walk was this statue, and the fascinating story behind it.

From my memory, here's how the story goes:

There was a man, who worked as a clerk in an office, doing the same things day in and day out. He was completely nondescript in every way.

Then one day, he discovered he had the ability to walk through walls. He consulted his doctor, who prescribed him two pills. He took one pill, and put the other one in his medicine cabinet, completely forgetting about it.

One day, a new boss was assigned to their office. Unfortunately, he fell out of favor with this man. Thus, the new boss demoted him to a dark broom closet, right beside his own private office.

Our protagonist was hurt, and angry, and looking for revenge. One day, he stuck his head through the wall and into his boss' office, and heckled him, calling him all sorts of names. Naturally, his boss couldn't believe what he was seeing; and thought he was having hallucinations.

This went on every day, until finally his boss went crazy, and was finally brought by ambulance for confinement into an asylum.

Our hero, pleased with himself, realized that his life up to that point had been a waste; and resolved to change. So, he turned into a life of crime, and became a notorious thief (while maintaining his day job, take note).

Pretty soon, all the newspapers were full of stories about this thief who simply could not be caught. Bursting with pride, and unable to keep his secret any longer, our hero reveals to the police that he was this thief.

Disbelief and derision greeted his revelation, much to his dismay. Resolving to finally get the much-deserved recognition and fame he felt he deserved, he deliberately arranged to get caught during one of his heists.

Of course, shortly thereafter, it was a simple matter of escaping from behind bars.

He decided to settle down to a quiet life. Then, one day, as he was walking along the street, he saw this beautiful lady, and it was love at first sight! For both of them!

Unfortunately, it turned out she was already married, to a brute who locked her in her bedroom every night while he went out carousing and drinking with his friends.

No problem for him. Every night, he sneaked into her bedroom where they made wild, passionate love.

One day, he felt a terrible headache coming on, and rummaged inside his medicine cabinet for some aspirin. Feeling better, he went to the woman's house for their nocturnal rendezvous.

As he was passing through the walls in her garden, he suddenly couldn't move further and became stuck inside the thick wall. Then he realized that he must have taken the pills prescribed by his doctor by mistake, instead of aspirin.

So there he is to this day.

Check out this site for the complete (and official) version of the story, and see how (in)accurate my memory is.

(Check out www.paris-walks.com for more detailed info on Paris Walks)

Thanks to Newman for the pics. Click here to see his post regarding our Montmartre walking tour.

grumpyurbanslacker@gmail.com (grumpyurbanslacker) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 13:28:00 +0000

PARIS SANS EIFFEL
(Part One)

(This is a series of rambling posts regarding my trip to Paris in May with Newman. Funnily enough, we were able to visit the tourist spots on our list, except for this certain popular monument named the Eiffel Tower. Hence, the title of this series)

MUSEE DU LOUVRE and LA GIOCONDA

Bonjour, everyone!

A must-see in Paris, even for people not inclined to visit museums, is the Louvre, the world's largest museum.

The Musée du Louvre has been open since 1793, and houses 35,000 works of art drawn from eight departments, displayed in over 60,000 square meters of exhibition space dedicated to the permanent collections, ranging from Egyptian antiquities, Islamic Art, sculptures, paintings and the like.

Yup, you could say it's a repository of really ancient stuff. How ancient? Well, the cut-off point for the Louvre's collection is 1848, so if you happen to have been born during this era, you should feel right at home.

Experts and hardcore enthusiasts would say that it would take one week to fully explore and appreciate the Louvre's collections. One week! Of course, 99.99% of tourists have no such inclinations, and prefer to go direct to the "star" attractions.

Check out the pic above of the Louvre's main entrance. The pyramid, completed in 1989, was by I.M. Pei; and stands about 66 feet tall and made of clear glass about 3/4" thick. Of course, it doesn't really blend it with the building's exterior architecture, but what the heck, no one's really complaining.

The management is smart enough to post signs with directions to the main attractions. Let's check out one of them, shall we?

Take a guess what all these people below are gawking and taking countless photos of:

Any guesses? Nope, its not the Venus de Milo.

Okay, okay, here it is:

Yup, it's the world-renown Mona Lisa (also known as La Gioconda), a 16th century portrait painted during the Italian Renaissance by Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci (April 15, 1452 - May 2, 1519), who was by all accounts one of the greatest men who ever lived. He was a scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, botanist, musician and writer. Whew! (Unfortunately, the present generation knows him mainly in relation to that crappy best-seller, Da Vinci Code)

Interestingly, over the years there has been huge debate on who the subject of the painting was. According to Wikipedia, women such as Isabella of Naples or Aragon, Cecilia Gallerani, Costanza d'Avalos —who was also called the "merry one" or La Gioconda, Isabella d'Este, Pacifica Brandano or Brandino, Isabela Gualanda, Caterina Sforza, and Leonardo's mother Caterina had all been named the sitter. It was even believed to be a self-portrait of Leonardo da Vinci himself!
(in drag, perhaps? hehe ;-D)

Thankfully, at present, the subject's identity is held with certainty to be Lisa del Giocondo, a member of the Gherardini family of Florence and Tuscany, and the wife of wealthy Florentine silk merchant Francesco del Giocondo. The painting was commissioned for their new home and to celebrate the birth of their second son, Andrea.

The Mona Lisa is displayed in a purpose-built, climate-controlled enclosure behind bullet-proof glass. About 6 million people view the painting at the Louvre each year.

The expression on her face has often been described as enigmatic and mysterious, and scholars have puzzled over the years about what she was smiling about or whom she was smiling at, why her smile didn't show any teeth (sore gums from too much eating, if you ask me), etc.

My good friend, R., in her visit to the Louvre some years ago, wrote on her postcard:

"I always thought she was overrated and when i saw her up close and personal, i thought, "That's it?" But then i kept looking at her and she became more beautiful every second until she became mesmerizing and my nephew had to pull me out of her gaze. Maybe it's the hype - or maybe it's what captivated millions of people before me. Dunno."

Well, yours truly was NOT one of those millions who were captivated by her, that's for sure. She's a bit. . .umm, on the plump side, don't you think? And rather mannish-looking, too. And those eyes?! Her gaze seems to follow you everywhere; it really creeps me out.

(Check out the Louvre's official website at www.louvre.fr)