Grumpy Urban Slacker

GUS GUIDE: First-Time LONDON

2011-11-02T05:50:00.000-07:00

Before we start on our mini-guide for London (incidentally, my favorite part of the trip), i've noticed that most tourists tend to use the terms Great Britain, England and United Kingdom interchangeably. Whilst no harm is normally done, it is technically incorrect.

So, let us attempt to set the matter straight:

"United Kingdom" refers to the union of four separate countries, namely: England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland (the other parts of Ireland are independent).

"Great Britain" refers to only England, Wales and Scotland. (Thus, the full official name of the UK is "United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland")

"England" is the largest country in the United Kingdom, and its capital is London. So, beware! England may be part of the United Kingdom, but not everyone in Great Britain or the United Kingdom is English!

Anyway, onwards to the must-sees and must-dos in London!

1. Do enter the historic buildings.

By all means, take one of those half-day or full-day city bus sightseeing tours that promise to bring you to the House of Parliament, Westminster Abbey (where Will married Kate), St. Paul's Cathedral, Tower of London (where the Crown Jewels are kept), Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, Royal Albert Hall, etc. all in one go.

But do come back and go inside the places that actually interested or intrigued you, rather than just being content with photos of yourself with these historic buildings in the background.

2. Take a walk with London Walks.

A guided walking tour is the perfect way to get more in-depth commentary (and gossip) about your specific interests, and meeting fellow tourists.

London Walks operates tours on every day of the year (including Christmas); typically costs less than ten British pounds per person; and best of all, there's no need to reserve ahead of time. You just show up!

Their walks run the whole gamut, from movies (Harry Potter location spots) to music (Beatles Magical Mystery) to history to crime (Jack the Ripper) to haunted and hidden places in London, etc. So, if none of their walks interest you. . .well, you're probably not interesting.

3. Take a cab, just for the heck of it.

In my humble opinion, the London Underground / Metro / Tube is one of the most extensive and convenient in the world; and the bus system is pretty good, too.

So, why take a cab? Well, these black taxis really look cool in a retro sort of way. And the cab drivers have to pass a special test, called "The Knowledge" (sounds quite grand and impressive, doesn't it? :D), before they are allowed to get behind the wheel. Generally, it takes two to four years of study before one can take and pass the exam!

4. Notting Hill isn't for everyone.

If you love antiques, go ahead and visit Notting Hill on a weekday.

If you love markets and bargaining for antiques and other stuff, go on a Saturday morning and you'll enjoy the Portobello Road market.

But if you're a casual movie fan who was charmed by the movie "Notting Hill", starring Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant, be prepared to be disappointed. VERY disappointed.

Why? Well, the travel bookshop owned by Hugh Grant has been sold, and is now closed. And the house with the blue door, where he lived? It's just a door, not a real house; and the door ain't blue anymore (it has been painted black).

In short, don't bother.

5. Brush up on your English.

But the English speak English, you might protest. True, but there are differences in word usage. It's a "bin", not a trash can; a "lift", not an elevator; a "loo", not a toilet or (God forbid) CR; a "flat", instead of apartment; "fags" (!!!) instead of cigarettes, and so on.

And don't ever ever ever refer to "football" as soccer.

GUS GUIDE: First-Time AMSTERDAM

2011-10-18T00:57:00.000-07:00

Before anything else, did you know that "Holland" and "The Netherlands" are not one and the same? Surprising, huh? According to Archimon.nl (where i also got the map below), "Holland" is the former name for part of what is now known as "The Netherlands". The black part of this map is the current Holland, the rest of the map is not. Holland these days constitutes two out of a total of twelve provinces that make up The Netherlands.

Check out World Atlas for a more detailed explanation.

Of course, for tourists, it really doesn't matter so much; and we'll leave the technicalities to the locals and go our merry way.

1. Everyone speaks anglais.

You will be relieved to know that unlike the dear French, the locals in Amsterdam are all capable (and willing) of speaking English. In fact, they take pride in their ability to do so.

Knowing basic greetings in Dutch (especially if you are staying or going out with Dutch friends) is welcome, but not really essential.

2. Canal cruise is a crushing bore. Walk instead.

Most of the tourist attractions in Central Amsterdam are walking distance of each other, albeit a long walk at times.

A typical canal cruise lasts for an hour, with recorded commentary on board ("To your left is. . . .") which can be boring after the first ten minutes or so.

Whilst the house architecture is indeed lovely, it is a better use of time to walk and explore around on foot.

3. Visit the Anne Frank House. Visit the Anne Frank House. Visit the Anne Frank House.

For me, this is the one absolute must. Why? Simply because the evil that prematurely cut short the lives of Anne Frank and other Jews is still present in our world, and we must remember and never let it happen again.

4. There's a reason why it's called RED Light District.

Go ahead, and gawk, ogle, stare and salivate all you want over the girls at Amsterdam's infamous Red Light District. For the uninitiated, the girls rent these windows or glass doors per day, and attract customers by standing in various states of déshabillément.

The RLD is a safe place, even at night, mainly due to the sheer number of people curiously milling around and taking in the sights. Japanese tour groups (with the leader waving a small flag), present!

Should you desire to sample the goods, as it were, do steer clear of windows lit with blue lights. Why? Errr. . .i will quote from Amsterdam Advisor: "To indicate they [girls] aren't technically women, or born as such. They are transgenders, travestites. . ."

Caveat emptor, indeed!! :D

5. A coffee shop is not a coffee house, nor a cafe.

"Coffee shops" are places where anyone over the age of 18 can buy weed/hash/cannabis/marijuana, and smoke it right on the premises.

If you're not into smoking, there are "space cakes" (food products, such as muffins, brownies, etc., that have cannabis as an ingredient) available. Be aware, though, that these are 3-5X more potent that smoking marijuana, so you might get 'high' and hallucinate.

When in doubt, don't.

GUS GUIDE: First-Time PARIS

2011-10-16T02:10:00.000-07:00

[I'm doing a mini-series-within-a-series, named the GUS Guides. These are by-no-means-complete travel tips for readers who will be visiting for the first time the European cities i recently went to.]

PARIS. . .City of Blinding Lights, indeed. Not only is Paris billed as the (arguably) "most romantic city in the world", there is a vast array of choices with regards to what to do, see, eat and buy.

Here's some pointers to help you maximize your stay in Paris:

1. Do not just show up at Eiffel Tower.

(Taken from the official website - M. Chazeau)

Not unless you want to get into the horrendous, outdoor queue (estimated waiting time is generally more than one hour).

The best course of action is to plan what day and time you wish to visit the Eiffel Tower, and reserve your ticket online at their official website. When you arrive, you go directly to the line specifically for prepaid/pre-booked ticket holders (whilst directing a smug glance at the poor souls who just showed up, and have been suffering in the queue).

Oh, another thing. Do try to go up from ground level to the 2nd floor (or vice versa) using the stairs (total of 704 steps!), rather than taking the lift. It will make you realize the enormity of this structure.

2. The 'Mona Lisa' is NOT a must-see.

(Photo credit: Travelandtourismtoday.blogspot.com)

If you love architecture, go to the Louvre and debate whether I.M. Pei's glass pyramid (which was built in 1989, and serves as the central entrance to the museum) is a fantastic addition, or a colossal eyesore.

If you love art, go ahead and check out the 35,000 or so works on display. But if you are just going to the Louvre to see Leonardo da Vinci's famous painting 'Mona Lisa', forget it.

It is barely bigger than a postage stamp (yes, i exaggerate, but not by much); and quite frankly, she looks a bit dumpy and creepy.

3. The French are actually very nice people.

Yes, they do pretend not to understand nor speak English. The trick here is for you, dear tourist, to make an effort to learn some basic French words and phrases before your trip.

Not only will it help in asking for directions, reading signs, etc., it disarms the locals when they see a tourist speaking in mangled French, and they will be generally more helpful and pleasant to you.

4. Buy good chocolate.

Paris has a lot of local artisanal chocolate and pastry shops, quite ideal for gift-giving. To put it bluntly, your loved ones will appreciate these goodies much more than the usual mass-market brands like Hershey, Nestle, Lindt, etc.!

La Maison du Chocolat is a good old standby. Check out Choco Paris site for more listings of shops you can visit, mainly in the St. Germain-des-Pres area.

5. Do join a walking tour.

Part of the fun of being in Paris is exploring the different neighborhoods, and you will be spoilt for choice: Latin Quarter, La Marais ("The Marsh"), Montmartre, St. Germain-des-Pres, etc. Joining a walking tour group not only provides you a guide who dishes out historical tidbits and insider gossip, it is a good way to meet fellow tourists as well.

If you are not historically-minded, there is the "Da Vinci Code" walk offered by some tour operators (yes, that novel).

Even more fun would be to just keep on walking around the area(s) of your interest after the tour, savor the scenery, and explore as you go along. So what if you get lost? Ah, that's where those basic French lessons come in.

Ayez beaucoup d'amusement!!

WHEN THINGS GO TO POT, THERE'S ALWAYS THE LOO

2011-10-12T06:33:00.000-07:00

(This is the start [and possibly the end] of a series of posts regarding my recent trip to Amsterdam-Paris-London. Yes, dear reader, i have been slacking off big time)

Rushing to catch a connecting flight in the gigantic Schipol airport, with barely enough time to wolf down a cold sandwich and soda lunch before boarding, does not do much to put one in a good mood.

But while making a quick stop a the toilet before my flight, look at what i saw:

See it? No? Here's a close-up look below:

Yup, i could hardly believe my eyes either. The Dutch (the very same people who buy and smoke marijuana legally in 'coffeeshops', and make the Red Light District in Amsterdam a tourist spot for tour groups and families) have engraved a "fly" right on the porcelain bowl.

Apparently, there are scientific studies that show that: a) Men like to imagine themselves hitting on flies whilst they pee; and b) Putting a fly as a fixed target improves aim, and reduces the amount of pee that lands on everywhere else except into the bowl.

Simple, cheap and elegant solution, eh? Environment-friendly, to boot. Not to mention fun. :D Pretty fantastic, i'd say.

Whoever thought this one up, there must be something good in the pot they're smoking.

(Photos above are from www.urinal.net)

SECOND TIME'S THE CHARM AT TIRTA SPA BORACAY

2011-05-28T03:19:00.000-07:00

Flashback: I recall visiting Tirta Spa four summers ago, with my friends R.T. and S., when it was barely a month old and just in its soft opening stage. Not even a website yet at that time! I somehow stumbled on their telephone number (courtesy of Google results), and decided to call this spa that i've never heard of and that not a single travel/tourist website had written about yet.

Now: How times have changed indeed! The spa is going strong, thanks to the hands-on approach of its owner, Ms. En Calvert. In fact, Tirta Spa won "Best Day Spa of the Year" at the AsiaSpa 2010 awards held in Hong Kong.

Thus, a return trip to the island proved to be a good excuse to revisit Tirta Spa, and catch up with Ms. En, who was svelte and impossibly well-tanned and gracious as ever.

One major change was their newly-launched sub-brand, “Prashant” , which takes its name from the Sanskrit word, “Shant,” meaning “Great Peace or Extreme Calm”.

Prashant Spa is located within the Tirta Spa estate, and has its own spa menu distinct from Tirta Spa. Ms. En explained that Prashant was geared for bigger groups of friends/family who come to the spa and want to have their massages and/or treatments together.

Thus, they put up a separate villa (see above picture) for Prashant, with separate Mens' and Womens' massage (around 5 - 6 beds each) and shower areas. By contrast, the existing Tirta villas are meant for couples.

I was quite taken with the wooden door serving as entrance to the Prashant villa. Ms. En shared that it came all the way from India, where she had taken some courses in Ayurvedic medicine.

(Yup, those white slippers were waiting for me! :D)

Likewise, the treatments and services offered by Prashant are more or less the same as those of Tirta, with minor modifications.

Since i was here early in the morning, i was the only guest present, and could have hopscotched around naked if i wanted to. (Kidding! :D)

Interestingly, Ms. En shared that 90% of their guests are foreigners, which she conceded was partly due to the premium prices they charged. I totally agreed with her assessment that what Tirta / Prashant was offering were not merely spa treatments, but the feeling of being pampered and being relaxed in a quiet place away from the frantic frenzy of the beachfront.

Anyways, being not quite foreign and being definitely a cheapo, i availed of the Neroli Facial Package (consisting of Prashant Signature Massage and Neroli Facial Scrub), which was being offered at a 30% "opening discount". YESSS!!!

My therapist expertly alternated light, fluttery strokes, with stronger, firmer ones with just the right amount of pressure; and in no time at all, i was in that zone wherein one is in a dream-like state, yet still subconsciously aware of one's surroundings, before finally surrendering to relaxed sleep.

As for the Neroli facial, all i could remember was the pleasant scents of the stuff being gently rubbed and massaged on my face. Whatever they were, they worked on my tough hide (haha), as my facial skin felt real soft and smooth when i woke up.

So, i guess you could say i got "shanted" during this visit! In an extremely good way! :D

A return trip to the island (and the spa) is definitely in the cards! Hopefully, it won't take another 4 years, though. :D

(Tirta Spa / Prashant Spa is open from 9:00AM to 9:00PM daily, and is located quite near the Boracay cockpit. Travel time via tricycle from the White Beach front would be around 15 minutes. I'd recommend coming in early for your appointment, just to meander around and take in the lovely views of the estate.

Check out their website here)

BORACAY : SEVEN LIKES AND ONE PEST

2011-05-22T01:27:00.000-07:00

Ahh, Boracay. . . .fine powdery white sand that's cool to the feet, clear blue skies, wild parties at night, one of the Top Ten beaches in the world, etc. Yeah, you know all the cliches.

I'm temporarily turning over the blog to my cousin, Grumpy Urban Beach Bum (GUBB), who was on the island recently and has a mouthful to share for those visiting Boracay soon. Especially for those who eschew active pursuits, and just like to bum around at the beach.

Stuff to like on the island (in no particular order):

1. Jonah's fruit shakes. An institution for a good reason. Still the best in terms of flavor, variety of choices and consistency.

2. Real Coffee & Tea Cafe's calamansi muffin. Moist and tangy and doesn't scrimp on the filling, it lives up to the hype. Best eaten when warm.

Here it is:

And here it is again, after 3 seconds: (Yummy!)

3. White Beach (Station 1), specifically the section encompassing Fridays, Discovery Shores, Two Seasons, White House, Pearl of the Pacific, Seawind, and Estacia Uno (formerly Waling-Waling).

Forget the sweaty masses and nauseous bedlam at Station 2, and the . . . well, just plain jolog-ity of Station 3; and hang around at this part of Station 1.

The sand is at its finest, the beach frontage at its widest (even during high tide), the water at its crystal-clearest, and the lovely bikini babes parading around in their 2-piece suits at their hottest! [wiping drool from corner of mouth]

4. Noli Aurillo, the country's premier progressive acoustic guitarist, wields the magic of his instrument M-W-F this summer at Kasbah Moroccan resto. Catch his Michael Jackson tribute medley here.
5. Tirta Spa, voted as "Best Day Spa of the Year 2010" by AsiaSpa, and with good reason. Experience relaxation at its finest [separate blog post to follow].

Warning, though: Not for the light of wallet. Nevertheless, for the avid and discriminating spa enthusiasts, well worth trying out!

6. Henna tattoos. An effective way to draw attention away from one's protuding beer belly and towards one's (hopefully) bulging. . .umm, bicep. Yeah, i have it on good authority that those hot bikini babes fall for the "ethnic-tattoo-former-Bilibid-gang-member" look. :D

7. Piped-in beach music at Two Seasons Boracay resort. All-day long! Eclectic mix of chill-out music and remix versions of more mainstream artists like Katy Perry, Regina Spektor, Snow Patrol, Moby, etc.

Perfect for easy listening, while lounging on the deck chairs while working on one's tan while reading a book and sipping a margarita or an ice-cold beer and feasting on chips, while girl-watching (don't tell me you already forgot about the bikini babes, tsk tsk), all at the same time!

Not all's bed and roses though. Here's why:

Starbucks. Yellow Cab Pizza. Shakey's Pizza. All right on the beachfront.

Shouldn't there be some sort of ordinance against these monstrosities?

Peste!

GETTING MAJORLY LOST AT ISABELO'S (SECRET) GARDEN

2011-01-01T20:23:00.000-08:00

G.U.S. NITPICKS!! (v. 21)

ISABELO GARDEN RESTO

Actually, i had sworn off writing restaurant reviews, since so many other bloggers are able to do this much better than i can; and i just reserve my efforts for the out-of-town, so-called "destination" restaurants (think Antonio's Tagaytay).

But then Isabelo's was located in the shoe city of Marikina, which, for me, might as well be at the ends of the earth, since it seems so remote and far, far away like a distant galaxy.

Add to this the fact that my wine-swilling friends, D. and Jbs., waxed rhapsodic about the food and ambiance of the place, so it was a go.

Before we get on the car and drive off, here's a few things one should know about Isabelo Garden resto:

1. They are open for DINNER only (6 PM onwards).
2. One has to make advance reservations. No reservations, no food for you!
3. One also has to order from the menu in advance.
4. The owner-chef, Portia, generally does the cooking of the food herself.
5. They will give you the exact address and location map, only AFTER you make a confirmed reservation. Ergo, curious sightseers aren't exactly welcome! :D

So, off the three of us went for our foodie excursion. Unfortunately, the girls neglected to print out the map, relying instead on their memories of the directions from their previous visit.

This resulted in us getting lost in a major major way, and we tried asking policemen, a hospital doorman, tricycle drivers, etc. for directions, to no avail. D. called the resto, but their landline was not working.

"The food had better be worth all this trouble," i muttered grumpily, whilst entertaining thoughts of ejecting Jbs. from the car.

Finally, we turned into the small, extremely narrow Isabelo St. and honked at the slightly rusty, totally non-descript, grey-colored and unmarked gate of Isabelo Garden resto.

First, a brief word or two about the place. Isabelo aims to project a rustic, "feels-like-home" garden setting, and i'd say it overwhelmingly succeeds in this aspect. With the ancestral trees and assorted plants and cool breeze, one could very well forget that just outside the gates is a booming, industrial city with concrete roads and new commercial complexes.

There are various seating options, depending on the size of the group. One can dine on the garden, alfresco-style, or inside the equally-charming wooden house, which
doubles as an art studio/gallery.

Now, on to the FOOOOOOODDD! :D We had pre-ordered the following:

Creamy Italian Paella (PHP550.00)

This paella was a bit moist and soupy, i had thought it was almost like risotto. Creamy risotto at that, with sausage, chicken, and more than a hint of cheese.

Ultimately, it didn't matter what shape or form it was; this paella was simply packed with flavour, rich and delicious, albeit a bit heavy on the stomach.

Orange Herb Chicken (PHP660.00 for small size)

This is Isabelo's signature dish - one whole chicken, stuffed inside with orange peels and roasted for 4 hours. It comes served with squash, potatoes and carrots.

Moist, tender and juicy! I could have inhaled the entire chicken all by myself, come to think of it :D

Pizza Rustica (PHP430.00) - thin crust, with a thick layer of mozzarella cheese, and roasted veggies (zucchini, mushrooms, etc.) on top.

I was initially leery of this dish, being a major carnivore; but after two bites of the crunchy pizza, i was sold! Great way to eat veggies.

Mango Float (PHP110) - Isabelo's ice cream cake. This was good, but maybe because i had already eaten too much of the other dishes, it wasn't anything fantastic. Passable.

So, obviously we have a happy, positive verdict: The food at Isabelo's not only lives up to the hype; coupled with the nice, relaxing ambiance, it is worth all the trouble getting lost in the (dare i say it) boondocks of Marikina!

I'll leave you all with this nice table accent. It's small, deft touches like this that make all the difference, no?

A return trip is in the cards, indeed-y.

Photo credits to MBismonte.

(For more details regarding menu and reservations, please check out Isabelo Garden's website. I will not publish the exact location, but here's a hint: It is very near the Marikina Shoe Museum)

The Slanted Charm

2010-10-14T00:38:00.000-07:00

**(GUS) I'm temporarily turning the floor over to my friend Sunshine Nugge t, who wrote about our fun, fun dinner together recently. Thanks, Fenny, for the wonderful pics! **

Grumpyurbanslacker said that he wanted to try Vietnamese when he comes to visit. After much planning and research, he decided that he wanted to try The Slanted Door. Right after he decided I called up to make reservations. It was a month ahead but all the preferred time were booked so we settled on a Sunday night at 7:45pm. We couldn't believe how packed the place was! GUS joked that the place resembled a bus transit station. As usual, I couldn't decide what to eat so he made all the decisions.

**Note from GUS: I think the reason you couldn't decide what to order was because, in your words, the menu was more French than Vietnamese!**

We started with the appetizer, the slanted door springrolls.

Then seared dayboat scallops with mango, toasted lemongrass and spicy fish sauce. I really liked this one very much! The scallops were cooked just right and I really liked the fresh and pickled mango. Was so glad that we ordered this over the others!

For the main course we tried the grilled ranch brother's berkshire pork chop. I know GUS loves pork! My oh my, it was really good, I really like chewing on the ribs but I don't know what GUS thought of my dinning etiquette and I didn't care to check with him and used my hand. Haha..

And the grass fed estancia shaking beef. We have no idea why it's called the shaking beef and we forgot to ask the waitress. But the beef was good and I really enjoyed the watercress in lime sauce! Haha.... I was ready to go to bed after being so contented with the meal... Hehe..

But we couldn't leave just like that, so GUS ordered the Vietnamese drip coffee. It was a tad too sweet for me but he loved it. **Note from GUS: It was fantastic noh!! :D**

I was really full and we couldn't even finish our main courses but GUS had to entice me into ordering a dessert. Good call GUS, because we orderd the almond milk tapioca. Oh my god, it was really awesome. I could just come to this place again just for this dessert and nothing else! The brown thing is puree kabocha and the white part is tapioca in almond milk and the grapes were garnished with caramelized almond I think. Bottom line is I like this dessert! Yummy!

I had such a great time and towards the end of the meal I was laughing so much, I hope the food wasn't spiked with happy substance that's why we all loved it so much! Hehe...

Thanks GUS for the wonderful time!! :)

**The Slanted Door is located at 1 Ferry Building, #3 San Francisco, CA 94111. Tel 415.861.8032 for reservations**

Philippine Pavilion doesn't cause palpitation

2010-09-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

Yours truly was in Shanghai recently, and decided to check out the World Expo 2010 and see what the fuss was all about.

For a very brief backgrounder, the World Expo is a six-month long event hosted by one city every 5 years. The central theme for the 2010 World Expo in Shanghai is “Better City, Better Life,” focusing on sustainability, green products, and urban planning.

I had decided to focus on the Asian and European pavilions, and duly checked the map to find out which gate (and subway stop) was most convenient. Getting there via the Shanghai Metro system was a breeze, although the walk to the Expo gate was on the longish side.

As luck (fate? pure chance?) would have it, after entering the gates, the first pavilion i saw was the Philippine pavilion. So, let's see what our dear countrymen can expect from visiting it.

Check out the facade above and below:

Pretty creative and colorful design, although i'm not quite sure about the symbolism. That boxer glove, though, surely must have been sponsored by the Pac-man. :D

There was a fairly long queue to enter the pavilion. I had heard that if you were a Pinoy, they let you bypass the line, and enter instantly. Not sure if this was true. If it was, i surely would have availed of it. Finally, after 20 minutes or so, the entrance opened, and we surged inside.

And what exactly is there inside the Philippine pavilion? Well....let's see. There is a food court-type of snack area that takes up around 40% of the total floor area. Here, you can order such Filipino delicacies as ensaymada, leche flan, turon, and the like.

RMB25 for a small piece of leche flan? Rip-off!

One can also book an appointment to avail of a free ten-minute hilot massage (see below):

If you're up for shopping, you've come to the right place. One would think the Greenhills tiangge was transplanted to Shanghai, with various stalls selling trinkets, jewelry, souvenirs and what not.

Fancy that ubiquitous polo shirt with the Philippine map embroidered? The poster of Dingdong Dantes (partly hidden) beckons you to buy one pronto.

And of course, a big stage was set with performances from various Pinoy bands. When i was there, the repertoire consisted of classic love songs, which was well-received by the mostly Chinese audience. Hmmm, maybe if they brought over Mocha or some other girl show bands, the locals would be doing the macarena pretty soon.

Oh, there were the de rigueur wooden artifacts and tribal handicraft-type of things, courtesy of the National Museum, maybe? Nobody gave them much of a second glance, though.

So, to conclude, going to the Philippine pavilion is pretty much like going to the SM Megamall. Except that going to Megamall is actually better, dahil mas mura dun ang leche flan!

To whoever conceptualized this debacle of a pavilion, leche!

For more extensive blog posts regarding the World Expo 2010, check out the ff. blogs:

The Blooming Pen
The Road Forks

INNOVATIVE DAY CARE CENTER SERVES ICE-COLD BEER

2010-09-13T08:44:00.001-07:00

How's this for a clever marketing come-on by Zanzibar bar-resto, located across the street from the renown (and always crowded) Sans Rival bakeshop in downtown Dumaguete?

I'd say they had me at 'hello'. :D

(Many thanks to Meg Koh for the photo, taken with her multi-million peso SLR camera)

GIANT BURGERSPACESHIP INVADES THE GENTLE PEOPLE!!!

2010-09-11T08:19:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the long weekend, i went to the City of Gentle People (yes, it's Dumaguete) with the Happy Gang. Will NOT be blogging much about the trip....hey, it was a vacation!?! :D

The locals were indeed very gracious people, and we all had a jolly time eating and taking photos and driving our guide crazy with our oddball requests, and more eating and drinking....and some whining about how boats tend to sink (courtesy of yours truly), and yet more eating.

Here's a rather disturbing development though.

If you look at the photo below closely enough, the giant burger-cum-alien spaceship has moved and is about to drop itself directly onto the customer!

Oh dear. Paging NASA!!!

LAYA

2010-08-12T05:48:00.000-07:00

My voluble friend Xtn was in town, and we had decided to venture forth into the far, far away neck of the woods in Antipolo, and eat at this fairly new house-resto named LAYA, which billed itself as a "Personal Dining Experience."

It was actually Xtn's 3rd or 4th time to dine at LAYA, but i guess some things never change. We still had difficulty deciphering the directions and got lost a couple of times! It didn't help that there was some roadwork going in, which made streets one-way, etc. LAYA is just past the Pinto Art Gallery, and is located at a charming house at the very end of the road.

We were famished when we got there, but nevertheless we took some time to pose for pics beside the LAYA sign, and other vantage points!

This one is of the lovely pathway leading to the house:

We were greeted warmly by charming and lovely lady of the house, Irene. She is one-half of the couple running LAYA, the other half being her husband and chef, Ricci (who was Xtn's cousin). Interestingly, Ricci used to be chief songwriter-bassist of the local indie band Mojofly, and sessions once in a while for pop star Rico Blanco; while Irene continues to gig with her band Chubibo.

Once seated, and sipping our cold, refreshing glasses of the pandan iced tea, it was impossible not to notice the stylish interiors of LAYA's dining area.

On to the food! There was a choice between the LAYA Signature Menu and the special Fathers' Day Menu. Xtn and i both chose the former, with different choice of main course (i was having the steak, while she was getting the Norwegian salmon).

First up was a little something to tickle our tastebuds (i totally forgot what it was called, unfortunately! :d)

Then the trio of appetizers came, namely: (R-L) Crabstick & Cream Cheese Dumpling with Spicy Mango Sauce, Shrimp & Chicken Wanton Bag with Thai Sweet Chili, and Stirfried Kaffir Lime Port in Lettuce Wrap.

Yes, in case you're wondering, the food tasted as good as it looked! I especially liked the wanton bag, it literally explodes with flavor. I think i could eat a dozen of these things, haha!

The grandiosely-named Thai-Spiced Pumpkin & Cashew Nut Soup with Coconut Cream Froth came next. Quite good, too, with that slightly spicy-sour kick at the end which made it taste differently from the typical pumpkin soup.

Up next was the Grilled Chicken with Mixed Greens in Oriental Soy Dressing. I'm normally not a fan of salads, but ate this one with relish. Didn't finish it though, as i was dangerously getting full, with the main course still not being served yet!

By this point, Xtn and i were deeply engrossed in our conversation, such that we forgot to take pics of the main courses, as well as the dessert (Cashew Mango Kesong Puti & Banana Chocnut Spring Rolls)! Ack!

The banana spring rolls (essentially glammed-up turon) was particularly tasty, and i wouldn't have minded taking some home :D

LAYA allows the use of its swimming pool for private parties (see below):

We got to talk with Chef Ricci and Irene. He recounted that they have been doing very brisk business lately, especially with the Fathers' Day weekend. Originally open for Saturday and Sunday lunch, and Friday and Saturday dinner only, LAYA has had to extend its hours for Sunday dinner.

Check out also some interesting display pieces:

This pic below is located (of all places) inside the restroom. I had the urge to pocket the wooden figurine on the right, but thought better of it. Haha :D

All in all, it was a very good meal in a lovely setting, with fun companions and engrossing conversation. For the price of PHP750.00 (around US$18.00) per person, this is a definite steal. (We totally forgot to leave a tip, though)

Time just seemed to roll by, and by the time Xtn and i took our leave, it was nearly 4 pm.

Here's a snapshot of the lovely couple, Irene and Ricci:

(You can book your personal dining experience at LAYA, by calling (0917) 8464322 or emailing layapersonaldining@gmail.com. Please check out LAYA's website for directions on getting there)

HEAVENLY HALO-HALO AT BALE DUTUNG

2010-07-23T18:09:00.000-07:00

So, despite stuffing ourselves to the gills with the 5-ways lechon, there was always room for dessert. Right? :D

First: the glasses

On board was Chef Claude's halo-halo (literally "mix-mix" in English), which is "basically a mixture of sweet preserved beans (red beans, chick peas), coconut meat (macapuno), jackfruit (langka), pounded dried rice (pinipig), sweet yam (ube), cream flan (leche flan), shreds of sweetened plantain (saba), filled with crushed ice, milk (or coconut milk); and topped with ice cream." (courtesy of http://www.seasite.niu.edu/)

Second : the ingredients

Chef Claude smilingly quipped that this halo-halo was special, because he served it only when our tour guide Spanky was around. (Little-known factoid: Spanky is one of Metro Manila's most eligible bachelors. For all ladies, please message me privately should you want a date with him. Jejeje :D)

Seriously though, what made it extra delicious was the use of carabao milk. It gave the halo-halo that full, rich, creamy (never-mind-it's-fattening) taste.

WALLAH!

Of course, if there was halo-halo, the leche flan could not be far behind! It was also made using carabao milk.

Yup, you guessed right. Our group demolished, annihilated and utterly wiped out the leche flan from its yummy existence from the face of the galaxy, constellation and universe!!

All in all, a fitting way to cap off a great meal.

For details/reservation for Bale Dutung, please call 64-45 8885163, or email mquioctayag@yahoo.com.

(Many thanks to Femme Panlilio and Leslie Perez for the wonderful food photos)

OH MY PORCINE FRIEND, LET ME COUNT THE 5 WAYS I LOVE THEE!

2010-06-19T06:15:00.000-07:00

The lunch served at Bale Dutung is a ten-course (mostly) Kapampangan affair, with the notable exception of Chicken Inasal. Ms. Mary Ann explained that it is like a degustacion menu, with flavors of each course progressively getting stronger to tickle the taste buds.

Being the overzealous carnivore that i am, i will gloss over the other dishes served (Ensaladang Pako, Talangka sushi, etc.) and jump immediately to the 5-ways lechon.

The atmosphere on the table was convivial, as everyone was by now on familiar terms with one another; and i guess there is nothing like the prospect of a good meal that loosens tongues. :D

So, let us start counting the ways we love dear porky piggy!

1ST WAY: Balat ng Lechon at Liver sauce

The lechon skin was chopped and passed around the table on a dish.

Unfortunately, something went wrong and it was NOT crispy, as expected. They actually had to fry the skin. It came with a choice of two dips, vinegar or liver sauce.

Consensus around the table was that the skin was a bit tough to chew, and could be hard to swallow at times. A bit of a letdown (sigh)

2ND WAY: Fried Lechon Flakes binalot sa Tortilla at Claude's Oriental Sauce

As per below pic, the lechon was shredded to resemble floss. Combined with tomato, onions, basil, kimchi and Claude's Oriental sauce, it was put together in a pancake, and eaten Peking Duck-style.

Here's a sample of how to wrap it all up:

Unanimous thumbs up!!! If this were Facebook, it would be LIKE, LIKE and LIKE! Winner!

See cheeky Femme swallowing the whole thing in one gulp! :D

3RD WAY: Sinigang na Lechon

Sinigang is a type of Philippine soup noted for its sour flavor. As Chef Claude explained, the leeks, lemongrass, garlic, etc. stuffed inside the pig were used to make a "gelatinous broth", and served with steamed rice. This adds body to the sourness, unlike in regular sinigang.

(Above) Ingredients for the broth
(Below) Here's how it looks on the plate:

I generally don't eat sinigang, and just took a tablespoonful of my seatmate MJ's dish. The sourness was well-balanced; it won't make you make a sour face. Haha.

4TH WAY: Inihaw na Tadyang na Lechon at Ensaladang Talong

In English, grilled ribs. The meat was tender and tasty, albeit a tad too salty for my taste.

The eggplant and salted egg complemented the dish very well.

5TH WAY: Inasadong Pata ng Lechon

Fifth, but not least, the hind leg was roasted, in a combination of Kapampangan and Chinese styles.

At this point, Ms. Mary Ann marvelled at our group's collective appetites, as we were all readying our plates to dig in into this dish. It turns out one of their previous groups had thrown in the towel (no, not the tuwalya con yelo :D) by this point; and they had to raffle off this dish to the lucky participant.

This ended the 5-ways lechon on a good note. Or so we thought.

Chef Claude wheeled out a brand-new lechon, and invited us to partake of the skin by ripping it directly off the pig! This time, it was perfectly crispy and crunchy! Yesss!!!

Uric acid, Triglycerides and LDL cholesterol levels be damned, i feasted on as much balat as i could!

Up next, dessert!

(Many thanks to lovely ladies Leslie Perez, Steph Chua and Femme Panlilio for the food shots)

'TUWALYA CON YELO' DOES THE TRICK AT BALE DUTUNG

2010-06-06T07:35:00.001-07:00

A hot and humid Saturday morning is not really the perfect time to be out in the sun, but i couldn't resist joining the Ultimate Pampanga Culinary & Heritage Tour run by this group of four friendly chaps-cum-bloggers, namely: Anton (Our Awesome Planet); Ivan Henares (Ivan About Town); Ivan Man Dy (Old Manila Walks); and Spanky (Manila Boy).

Itinerary for today was the following spots: First stop was Everybody's Cafe, a family-owned resto that serves authentic Kapampangan cuisine (plus some frogs and crickets - if in season), followed by Betis Church and Bacolor Church.

And for the piece de resistance, a lunch at artist-chef's Claude Tayag's house (called Bale Dutung, meaning 'House of Wood' in the Kapampangan dialect), where we will partake of their specialty, the 5-Ways Lechon!

Yesss! (with matching fist pump) Truth be told, this was the sole reason i joined this tour.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A couple of hours later, we arrived at Bale Dutung for the much-anticipated lunch. We had spent most of the morning exploring the churches, buoyed by the entertaining commentary and funny anecdotes of our guide for today, Spanky. (Oh, did i mention he is one of Manila's eligible bachelors? :D haha!)

We were welcomed by Chef Claude's gregarious wife, Mary Ann. Seeing our sweaty perspiring visages, she quipped that their house did not have air conditioning, but had frozen towels which served the same purpose.

Take a look:

I tried dropping it on the table from a foot high, and the thing is as solid as a rock!

See it here STANDING beside their delicious juice:

The towels had a really pleasant smell that calmed one's brain from the stifling heat. We tried figuring out what it was. General consensus was it came from Alcologne or baby cologne, although someone did mention baby's breath.

Whatever the scent was, these towels (which i dubbed "Towel Popsicle", or in Tagalog, "Tuwalya con Yelo") really hit the spot!

Our noisy Swiss mate Stefan applying on his forehead. Sarap ba, pare ko? :D

Demure Steph demurely applying it on the side of her neck.

Cheeky Femme loving the cold cold tingle on her cheek!

According to Steph, should one wish to try making the 'tuwalya con yelo' at home, one just wets the towel with water, and then freezes it for a couple of hours. Then, wallah!

After an hour or so, it softens and starts to unravel, and you can use it the conventional way.

Up next, the 5-ways lechon!

For more info regarding the various tours of Spanky and his friends, check out the Ultimate Philippines website.

"Slices Meat in Vain" make for Wlong Engrrish

2010-04-01T08:20:00.000-07:00

Well, during one of my trips last November to China, we were ushered to eat in a buffet restaurant that had some puzzling descriptions of the food.

Here's one of them:

Can anyone explain what the caption means?

Special price awaits the person with the best guess! :D

Grumpy Urban Slacker Goes Franciscan

2010-03-09T20:58:00.000-08:00

(With the upcoming Lenten season, i've dusted off this piece i wrote around 6 years ago. For background, i had joined a Creative Writing class, and we went on a field trip to the Franciscan churches in Rizal and Laguna.

This article was then written as an assignment for our class. I've made some changes and toned down the sarcasm, etc. Nevertheless, my advance apologies to devout Catholics, if they find it offensive. Please don't threaten me with eternal damnation, or report me to JPII. Peace!)

4:00 AM

I wish I can say that I was awakened today by the cock-a-doodle-do of the neighborhood rooster, and that I jumped out of bed, all chirpy and bouncing with energy, and whistling hidy-ho to myself as I prepared for the day’s field trip.

Nah.

I am not and never have been a morning person, so being roused at the crack of dawn in order to make it to Makati by 6 am is, for me, cruel and unusual punishment. (I am not an evening person either, but that’s another story)

7:15 AM

After some delays in getting everyone aboard, we (meaning our Creative Writing class teacher and class members and friends) are finally on our way!!! Woohoo!!!

Do I sound overly enthusiastic? Not that I am particularly so, as I am still groggy and half-wanting to get back to sleep.

It does not help my mood any little bit that our driver sees it fit to drive as though his pants are on fire. He keeps on overtaking, and has us rolling and pitching back and forth in our seats, as he negotiates the hairpin turns up the hills of Antipolo with wild abandon.

Grrrrhh!!! Who does he think he is, Michael Schumacher? Gradually though, my deep, dark thoughts of strangling him and grinding his body into dog food dissipates, what with the scenery outside exuding calmness and a relaxed pace. The dusty roads, interesting signs (a Bob Dylan eatery in the town of Teresa!?) and rural lifestyle all combine to make the route to our first stop, Morong, real comfy.

8:30 AM

We get off at Morong Church, and suddenly memories come flooding back to me. I have been here before! No, not in my previous lifetime as a Franciscan priest (very lame pun intended), but during the field trip of my Humanities class in UP so many years ago.

I remember there were two stone lions guarding the gateway entrance to the church. Well, they aren’t there anymore. Turns out they are now gathering dust at the basement. Oh.

The church has a beautiful, semi-rundown look. Incredibly, its façade was built on just one slab of rock! It had been restored through the years, but beneath the concrete one could still see some of the original wooden planks on the ceiling, as well as the floor tiles.

At the urging of our teacher, Ms. Chit, we climb all the way up to the belfry (Warning: not recommended for people with claustrophobia and night blindness), and in return for our huffing and puffing, get a unique birds’ eye view of the town. Truly awesome, i must say.

An added bonus is that we are able to catch the tail end of the parish priest’s homily during the Mass. Without going into any further details, let’s just say his sense of humor teeters dangerously on the edge of being risque.

9:30 AM

The church in Baras, Rizal is a downer compared to Morong. It is small, dark and quite honestly, nondescript.

The church has been restored, but we can still see traces of the original bricks and wooden beams. They also have some 16^th century porcelain basins, which look fairly new. You would think they have just been there for a few decades.

Interestingly, the original church walls were binded using albumen (egg whites), which were donated by the parishioners. Imagine that, egg whites! The church members of that era must have been drowning in leche flan, with absolute disregard for their HDL levels!

10:30 AM

Next stop is Tanay, Rizal. Well, this church is huge! It has its own courtyard-cum-parking area, with two large acacia trees providing shade from the heat of the sun, and concrete benches for those playing hooky from Sunday School.

I wish I can parrot out more of the cultural stuff about this church. . .ah yes, it is an example of Mission architecture. . .well, my mind is a complete blank! For good reasons, though. We are presently having the world-famous (exag ba?) Tanay turon (banana fritters) for merienda. Yum! The crunchy golden brown coating, the hot juicy banana filling. . .make that double yum! Too bad though I didn’t get to try the queso (cheese) dirty ice cream.

Truly, the spirit is willing but the stomach needs filling!

11:30 AM

We are on the road to Laguna, encircling Laguna de Bay. It is difficult not to be lulled to sleep inside the van, what with the cool breeze and our heavy snacks. The roads en route to Laguna twist and turn, making for a thrilling ride. We pass by the famous (infamous?) Exotika Restaurant, which seems to be doing roaring business, and boasts of serving rather unconventional fare like sawa (python), wild boar, lizards, etc. Of course, they have their regular sisig (pig’s ears) for faint-hearted folks like you and me.

We arrive at the town of Pakil, and duly explore their church. It features the Lady of Turumba, also known as Our Lady of Sorrows. The statue is impressive, but even more so is her clothes collection amassed from parishioners’ donations. Saying that she could give Barbie a run for her money seems irreverent and superficial, but that’s exactly what first pops up to my mind.

She is supposedly blessed with miraculous healing powers. As such, the church staff cuts up her old gowns into snippets and puts these into small plastic bags. Anyone can get as many as they want, as these souvenirs supposedly will keep one’s pockets filled with money.

The parish priest is around, and we get to chat with him. Whoa! I can’t take my eyes off his Nokia 8890, and the fact that he is smoking a cigarette. Meanwhile, my classmate, Didi, gives me a nudge, and whispers that his feet are also pedicured. I fight the urge to inquire if his official vehicle is a CR-V or a RAV-4, but decide that silence is golden, at least in this case.

12:45 PM

A short two blocks away from the church awaits our lunch. From the outside, the restaurant is your typical bahay kubo-type place. It is called (quite incredibly and incredulously, if I may say so) The Beatles Place. Old frayed posters of the Fab Four do adorn its walls, so I guess the owner was a longtime fan.

Ms. Chit informs us that the drinking water being served here comes from the Turumba Springs. The ultimate water source is not known, but it is said to be miraculous water. All this was well and jolly good, although I have to say the water tastes spicy to me.

Next door is the public swimming pool supplied by the water source, and there is a huge number of people swimming in it. No wonder the water tastes so spicy! Yikes!! Ano ba yan? (What is the matter with this matter?)

For those dear readers who are interested in ingesting this (cough, cough) miraculous water, just go to Bano St., Pakil. Iron stomach recommended though.

What else? Nearby is the ancestral house of Danny Dalena, so we sneak in a peek (and use their bathroom as well). I remember having seen this place before, again courtesy of our Humanities field trip during college.

What can I say? I personally find his paintings creepy and even disturbing. I won’t hang them in my house, not even if you pay me to. Sorry, I’m strictly a Baldemor kind of guy.

2:30 PM

Ahh, Paete. . .we came, we saw. . . we shopped! To be quite frank, I am getting woozy at this point. Another church again?! All the historical and cultural stuff has congealed inside my brain, and from hereon, I basically tune out and my eyes glaze over. The church does have nice, well-preserved antiques, and its ceiling comprising of wooden planks is quite an inspiring sight.

Anyway, about the shopping part. I guess most everyone knows that Paete is synonymous with paper mache and wood carvings. We park the van, do the rounds of the souvenir stores, and I am willing to swear on my Citibank Clear card that whatever it is you need that is carved from wood, they absolutely, positively have it.

Yup, the merchandise ranges from religious figures to practical household stuff to kitschy touristy souvenirs. My sister Elsie is particularly keen to buy a CD rack disguised as a wooden house. Naturally, I dissuade her by pointing out that it does not blend in with the interiors of her room.

Wait. . .something is not quite right. . .I make a closer scrutiny of the array of merchandise. . .where can it be? Or perhaps they don’t make it? Then I spot it out of the corner of my right eye. . .bingo! Dear readers (assuming you are all still with me at this point), the ubiquitous barrel man lives! He actually comes in 4 different sizes!

3:30 PM

Majayjay is a lesser-known town in Laguna. By now, it is torture for me to get off the van and check out yet another church.

4:30 PM

We make an unscheduled pit stop at Liliw, as the ladies can’t get enough of shopping and insist they want to buy the famous sandals made in this town.Thus, we are in a rush to reach not only the church in Nagcarlan, but also the underground cemetery, the only one of its kind in the Philippines.

This cemetery closes at 5:00 pm sharp, and we reach the gate at 4:45 pm. It is actually not that creepy at all, as the pathway leading to the actual burial tombs is lined by well-tended lawns on both sides. Once inside, we duly sign the visitors’ logbook, helped by the unsmiling caretaker on duty.

Hmm. . .having a bad hair day, aren’t we? Well, it turns out she doesn’t smile at all, ever. But then again, if your job is watching over century-old ghosts, I doubt if their otherworldly antics induce much jest.

We go down the stairs to the basement. The place isn’t really that big. We all wonder, who were these people buried here, and what were their lives like? An interesting historical fact is that the Katipuneros used to hold meetings right here, and actually dug a tunnel underneath the grounds.

Being the irrepressible bunch that we are, we can’t help imagining ghosts appearing out of nowhere. As we slowly climb up the stairs, I exclaim, "Last person out is a dead duck!”

And all of us push and shove in the race to be the first out of here, as the air inside suddenly becomes chilly and a milky-complexioned lady wearing a white lace nightgown with streaks of dried bloodstains appears behind us and she bares her teeth in a ghoulish smile and reveals her gruesome fangs and the smell of death pervades the stale basement and . . .oops, sorry, my imagination got a little wild there, huh?

5:45 PM

We are on the road going back to Manila. We decide to complete the Laguna de Bay loop, and take the more scenic, longer route passing through San Pablo City, Laguna and Sto. Tomas, Batangas.

We all maintain good spirits despite some traffic encountered along the way. Inside the van, we munch continuously on all the snacks we brought along, and share gossip, anecdotes, experiences, and ultimately, a part of ourselves.

Tomorrow will be another day, back to reality, I guess. But today has been such a wonderful adventure cum learning experience for me. Not only are these Franciscan churches treasures of our cultural past worth preserving, but the warmth and laughter (and food) shared by our tour group has made this trip a memorable one.

I am now leaning back in my seat, the side of my head pressed against the window. I feel so drowsy. My eyelids become heavy, and I close them reluctantly. A sliver of viscous drool escapes from the edge of my mouth and works its unhurried way towards my chin. Fuzzy feelings of warmth and goodness and brotherhood toward my fellow humankind wash over me.

Heck, I don’t even feel like making chopped liver of the driver anymore.

(A slightly-different version of this article was also published at the short-lived, and unlamented, publication, The Diliman Diary)

'Cool Docks' Get a Cold Reception

2009-12-05T19:45:00.000-08:00

The 'Cool Docks', colloquially known as "Lao Ma Tou", was supposed to be the new, exciting, "in" place in Shanghai, a worthy successor and worthwhile competitor to Xintiandi, a wildly popular entertainment/resto/live band complex with restored "Shikumen"-style architecture, where thousands of locals and foreigners converge every night to eat and party and let their hair loose while in Shanghai.

Hence, yours truly braved the extreme cold and ventured forth to this night spot. Surprisingly, the staff at the hotel and the taxi driver were not familiar with the place, and it took a bit of persistent questioning before someone produced the name of the Cool Docks in Chinese characters.

Which should really have been a tip-off for me. Why?

After alighting from the cab, and entering the complex, one is greeted with absolute silence, and lack of any human crowd whatsoever.

I mentally calculated the number of people present whilst talking a walk around the complex. Let me see, maybe 20 paying customers in total? Not quite the numbers the people who conceptualized this place had in mind, that's for sure!

The array of restos is not so bad. Cuisines represented are Greek, Indian, Chinese, American (steakhouse), etc. with some coffee shops and tea houses (even Starbucks is here).

I finally settled on Mythos (Greek resto), where the staff saw fit to put me on the 3rd floor. Strange, because only one table was occupied on the 1st floor (2 persons at that!), and the 2nd floor was totally empty. So, i was the only patron on the 3rd floor!
(see below pic of Mythos interiors)

And while the food wasn't bad (expensive, though), it was a rather weird experience with 3 wait-staff hanging on to your every bite of food you eat and every sip of juice you take. :D

Oh, and that ubiquitous Starbucks branch? TOTALLY EMPTY!

You might say the Cool Docks is totally un-cool at the moment (pun intended). Which is a bit puzzling, really. Lest one thinks the people in Shanghai were opting to stay at home due to the cold weather, i went to Xintiandi the night after, and the place was packed to the rafters. Go figure.

So, if you happen to be in Shanghai, check this place out. . .before it closes down! :D

(The 'Cool Docks' is located at 505 Zhongshan Nan Lu, Shanghai, a stone's throw from the Bund)

2009-08-29T09:11:00.000-07:00

WOULD YOU PAY TO BE ON FACEBOOK?

It's insidious. It's addictive. It's the productivity-sapping bane of offices worldwide.

On October 24, 2007, Microsoft announced that it had purchased a 1.6% share of Facebook for US$240 million, giving Facebook a total implied value of around US$15 billion. Knowing Bill Gates, Facebook must be rolling in dough, right?

Apparently not, it seems.

A. How does Facebook make money?

How many people are on Facebook? No one knows exactly, but latest estimates range from 175 million to 250 million users.

A cursory internet search showed the following: According to founder Mark Zuckerberg, revenues of US$300 - 350 million are projected for 2009 [Feb. '09].

FB is supposed to be breaking even, but they plan to spend US$200 million on servers next year, which might land them in the RED.

Sources of revenues are essentially the ff:

i. Advertising (brand ads, deal with Microsoft)

Apparently, companies pay Facebook a hefty sum of money to place their ads on the right-hand side of the screen. These ads are supposedly customized based on your stated interests in your profile, so that there is a higher likelihood they would be of interest to you.

But really, when was the last time you actually clicked on a banner ad? Enough said.

ii. Virtual goods

Facebook launched Gifts on February 8, 2007, which allowed users to send virtual gifts to their friends that appear on the recipient's profile. Gifts cost US$1.00 each to purchase, and a personalized message can be attached to each gift.

But can this be a major revenue driver in the coming years? I would think that people are more interested in answering quizzes, and tagging friends on countless party photos, and coming up with feeling-profound status updates (ex., "Chubbs thinks happiness is optional. Que sera sera."), than in giving each other virtual gifts.

Facebook's database on its users is a veritable goldmine, and there have been plans to sell the information to other companies, but these have been hindered by protests from users about invasion of privacy.

B. Alternative revenue-generating scheme for Facebook

Well, here's my suggestion: Stop making Facebook a free site, and START CHARGING USERS.

Of course, the idea of pay-as-you-go subscriptions for internet content is not entirely new. Stanley Bing, columnist of Fortune magazine, is skeptical of this approach. In his August 17th column, he barked, "How about Facebook? Would millions of lonely, homebound losers be encapsulating their lives in all their digital splendor if they had to whip out a credit card to do so?"

Hey, don't discount it entirely, Bing-O! I believe it's worth a shot.

Let us discuss the arguments then:

No. 1 : "If Facebook is going to start charging me for using its site, i'll just delete my account." (or not bother to log in anymore)

This is obviously a valid concern. How many people would be so disgusted / dejected / disappointed / that they would actually stop using Facebook?

Not everyone, I think.

In fact, I would bet that "heavy" Facebook users (i.e. people who log on everyday, post their pics - even those back in grade school, etc.) would be "sticky", and remain loyal to the site.

Let's do the math. For example, if 75 million users drop out and you collect US$5.00/year from the remaining 125 million or so users, that's easily US$625 million in revenue.

The key here is to make the payments as unobtrusive as possible, and reasonable enough so as not to make a significant dent on the individual user's wallet.

How can it possibly be done?

a) "Micropayments" on selected actions

Off the top of my mind (this is not an exhaustive list) :

Logging in to view friends' pics and profiles - FREE
Updating your status / profile - FREE
Posting comments on friends' pics and "likes"- FREE
Taking quizzes - hmm....okay, FREE

Adding friends - say, FREE for first 300 friends, and you get charged something like 1 US cent for each friend exceeding this number

Uploading pics - can be FREE for first 50 pics, and then a 2-cent charge on each pic thereafter (hey, bandwidth does cost money)

SuperPoke! - definitely 1 cent for each

Playing games - perhaps FREE at first, but if you keep on playing Yoville or Typing Maniac for hours on end, it will cost you.

The total amount you spend each month would then be charged to your credit card bill.

Of course, the general level of activity would likely slow down, as people think twice about taking certain actions, etc. You might even argue it makes it so much less fun!

b) Purchase of stored-value units

Taking off from the prepaid cellphone card industry, one can opt to buy a certain amount of units (say US$10.00) online from Facebook, which would be debited as you play games, give gifts, upload pics, etc.

This would work for users who fear they would be unable to control their "spending" on Facebook actions.

Meanwhile, Facebook management can allay advertisers' concerns, by pointing out that the members who dropped out tend to be those people who likely didn't log in too much; didn't update their profiles; only had a few friends, etc. (in general, those people who never got into the spirit of things, as it were). Hence the remaining membership are the "quality" ones, who are more receptive to ads.

Further, they can continue to beef up content and features, to prevent the drop-out rate from becoming too high. To convince non-users to sign up under the new pay-as-you-go scheme, they can make an online ad campaign that goes something like, "Facebook is where the fun is." or "Facebook: Where all your friends are talking about everything, except you."

No. 2 : "If Facebook is going to start charging me for using its site, i'll just move to other social networking sites."

Again, this is certainly a valid response. But which site(s) offer a viable alternative to Facebook?

Friendster is passe and full of scammers. Multiply and MySpace's features are lacking in comparison.

One might make the following riposte, "Well, i'm sure someone will create a new social networking site, with even better features, and everyone will go there."

True, this is very possible. But would this hypothetical new site's business plan be based on advertising revenues only? How then would it go about making a positive return on investment?

So, dear reader, what do you think? Is the above analysis actually worth contemplating about? Or is it pure hogwash?

Hence, I'm asking you (yes, you) this question: Would you pay to be on Facebook?

Hit the comment button NOW.

2009-05-23T05:57:00.000-07:00

COBRATOX cream with snake venom
(Bonus Post, Saigon-Siem Reap-Hanoi-Halong vacation)

I guess i had ended my series on Vietnam and Cambodia too soon. Given my love for weird, oddball stuff, i couldn't resist posting about this new discovery below.

While browsing at one of the numerous souvenir shops at the Cu Chi Tunnels, my interest was piqued by this product:

Yes, you had read the box correctly, "Cream with Snake Venom". It is intended to provide relief for arthritis, rheumatism and similar ailments.

While other creams / ointments / liniments such as Bengay (from USA), Salonpas (from Japan), White Flower (from HK), Counterpain (from Thailand), Omega (from Phils.) and Tiger Balm (from Singapore) are basically combinations of Menthol / Methyl Salicylate (Oil of Wintergreen) / Camphor with other essential oils, Cobratox does them all one better with its unique ingredient.

It says right there on the side of the box, "Dried venom of cobra 0.0005 g".

Cobratox is produced by the formal-sounding Center for Rearing, Planting, Researching & Manufacturing Pharmaceutical Products of Military Zone IX.

I don't know about you, but what comes to my mind is a bunch of grim-faced men wearing combat fatigues slitting open the throats of writhing cobras and extracting their venom before stitching their insides back again before putting them on these big glass jars filled with water, which men are supposed to buy to increase their stamina in making . . . ahh, "Boom Boom". [A Vietnamese euphemism for . . . but let's not go there, shall we? ;D]

It was kinda cheap at 20,000 VND (around US$1.15) for a 20 gram tube, so i figured there was nothing much to lose if it didn't prove effective in relieving the pain from my tennis elbow.

The accompanying piece of paper inside the box wasn't of much help (see above pic), being in Vietnamese, but there are simple instructions to "apply to painful area with massage 2 times daily" on the box.

I am not so sure about the science behind using dried cobra venom as a painkiller ingredient; i have this vague notion that cobra venom kills you by paralyzing you, so i guess tiny quantities will just deaden your nerves a bit (thereby providing pain relief), no? :D

So, the 500,000 VND question is, is Cobratox more effective than Bengay, Tiger Balm and the like?

I've used it for a week so far, and here is how Cobratox performs based on the ff. criteria:

Heat - packs a bit of a wallop in giving that warm, burning feeling to temporarily relieve joint pain

Odor - neutral, meaning no discernable "snaky" smell, haha :D Would be nice if it had some sort of scent.

Feel - non-greasy, easy to rub into the skin. Not slimy, thank God!

Bottomline, it performs about the same as other pain relief ointments, so perhaps the REAL reason to use Cobratox is to be able to stretch the truth a bit and brag to your gymmates / sports teammates / etc. as such:

"My doctor has prescribed alternative therapy for my tennis elbow. We are applying dried cobra venom on it, which will eliminate the pain, AND as a side effect, increase my agility and quickness on the courts, AND increase my stamina to make Boom Boom. Unfortunately, the ointment is highly toxic and highly limited, so it is not available to the public."

2009-04-30T04:59:00.000-07:00

HALONG BAY
(Conclusion, Saigon-Siem Reap-Hanoi-Halong vacation)

Halong Bay is a UNESCO World Heritage Site, located at Halong City at the northeastern part of Vietnam. Going to Halong City from Hanoi takes around 3 hours by van, on surprisingly well-paved roads.

Halong City itself is a singularly charmless place, with the usual mix of hotels, casinos and shopping places. Located just 90 minutes away from Vietnam's border with China, i'm willing to bet that most of these developments in the city were funded by Chinese investors. Some establishments seem to cater primarily to Chinese clients,
being fronted by Mandarin-speaking staff and quoting prices in RMB.

Halong Bay is also known by the more dramatic name [drumroll, please] "Bay of the Descending Dragon." Legend has it that dragons once descended from heaven and spouted streams of jade droplets that fell into the waters of Halong Bay, forming thousands of islands and islets, and helping defend Vietnam against attacking armies.

Of course, the truth is a bit more prosaic. The islands are limestone rock formations, with caves, lakes, etc. for exploring in the bigger ones.

Truth be told, this was the part of the trip i was looking forward to the most, and was quite happy as we boarded the Chinese-style "junk" for our tour. I had heard instances wherein the junks and sampans are not allowed to depart for the Halong Bay cruise, due to fog and inclement weather. Thankfully, the sky was all clear today.

The view from the upper deck of the junk was lovely. It was quite a sight to see the various shapes and sizes of the limestone karsts and isles, with the sails of the boats silhouetted against the horizon. We dropped by a cave (for some fairly rigorous spelunking), and checked out a 'typical' fishing boat as well.

Of course, the preferred (in)activity of a certain grumpy slacker i know is just to stretch back and relax, like so:

On board, we partook of an excellent seafood lunch, before turning back to return to shore.

Aside from the daytrip cruise we took, there are tour operators offering overnight and even 3D/2N Halong Bay cruises, on board junks which are fitted with cabins and other amenities.

Halong Bay is one of the candidates for the New 7 Wonders of Nature campaign. Click here if you want to check the official site and vote for it.

2009-04-30T04:34:00.000-07:00

SCENES FROM A 'XICH LO'
(Part Four, Saigon-Siem Reap-Hanoi-Halong vacation)

Hanoi is the cultural capital of Vietnam, and one must not fail to tour around the Old Quarter area, basically a collection of narrow and bustling streets with tube houses selling all sorts of goods right on the pavement.

Hanoi's Old Quarter was originally arranged with each street selling one category of goods, so you have Silk Street, Silver Street, Paper Street and the like. But at present, this is no longer strictly followed.

We took a tour of the Old Quarter, while riding a contraption called the 'Xich Lo' (cyclo). As can be seen from the pics, it is a semi-open carriage, with the passenger seated in front, and the driver at the back.

At first, we were a bit hesitant to take the tour. J.N.'s mom thought it would be dangerous, since the cyclo did look flimsy. Nevertheless, our daredevil spirits prevailed, and J.N., R.T. and i were soon off, with our respective cyclo drivers pedalling leisurely.

The operative word here being "leisurely", as the cyclo drivers pedal at a glacial pace. It is much quicker to walk on your own! The ride becomes enjoyable once you get over the (very real) possibility that you will get hit by a motorcycle or car.

As it is, we were honked at lots of times by impatient motorcycle drivers, who were probably cursing underneath their breath at our cyclos for partially blocking their path.

Navigating the narrow streets of the Old Quarter proved to be a delightful experience. We passed by hotels, travel agencies, art galleries, restaurants, bars, music clubs, stores selling clothes, toys, groceries, fruits, etc., even one or two stores selling propaganda art posters; sidewalk cafes; rows and rows of motorcycles parked at the curbs.

One can really see and feel the hustle and bustle of Hanoi, at full blast. I realized, this tour by cyclo was actually a perfect springboard if one wanted to walk around and explore on one's own, at a later occasion.

After going around for some 30 minutes, we were dropped off by the cyclo drivers with all limbs intact, happy yet somewhat relieved.

So, my advice to people who are wary about the cyclo, go! Laugh in the face of danger and get on that cyclo!

2009-04-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

THE 'WINDOW SILL' PHOTO SERIES AMIDST THE TEMPLES
(Part Three, Saigon-Siem Reap-Hanoi-Halong vacation)

Around a week before the trip, i was enthusiastically telling a friend about our itinerary in Siem Reap, with stops to the various temples such as Ta Prohm, Banteay Srei, Angkor Thom, and the world-famous Angkor Wat.

"That's funny, i've never thought of you as a 'temple' person," she mused.

I just laughed, and gave her remark no further thought.

My friend turned out to be quite prescient.

It was 9:30 AM, the sun was shining its warm, radiant rays cheerfully over the hordes of tourists arriving at Banteay Srei, our tour group included.

Our guide, a rather funny-looking fellow named Chay, was extremely professional and well-versed in the intricacies of ancient Khmer history. He waxed eloquently on the gods Shiva, Vishnu and Rama, amongst other things.

Unfortunately, after twenty minutes or so of standing under the sweltering heat, i was already suffering from 'temple fatigue', and wanted nothing more than to pour a cold bottle of water over my head.

So it went with our visits to the other temples. I could barely remember any of the historical tidbits narrated by Chay!

But of course, to keep myself interested, i resorted to taking my usual 'trick' camera shots and enlisted tour groupmates R.T. and J.N.

"Let's take some artsy, meticulously-arranged yet supposedly 'candid' photos, just like they do in most travel magazines," i suggested.

Hence, our visits to the temples degenerated into horsing around, making weird poses. Here are some of the 'artsy' photos we took, which i henceforth dub the "Window Sill at the Temples" series:

This one above is me, leaning against the wall while thinking despondently of my stock portfolio.

This pic above is of J.N., grinning like a cat who just devoured a whole saucer of condensed milk (instead of mixing it with his iced Vietnamese coffee ;D). He's probably thinking of his latest painting.

Due to the overwhelming, insistent clamor from my readers [i can imagine my friend, amazonic R., muttering scornfully, "yeah, right!"], i've included a face pic of myself. Haha.

Seriously now, this one was taken at Bayon Temple at Angkor Thom. I really like the contrast of this one, the dark foreground hiding the subject (me) in the shadows while the smiling image of the bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara looks down benignly on me, as he gets a suntan.

Bye for now, folks! Stay tuned for posts regarding Halong Bay and the cyclos of Hanoi.

2009-04-21T06:33:00.000-07:00

THE GUS GUIDE TO ENJOYING A FEW DAYS IN SAIGON & HANOI, VIETNAM
((Part Two, Saigon-Siem Reap-Hanoi-Halong vacation)

Part of what makes travelling to other countries fun and not-so-fun are the different customs, beliefs and practices one encounters, which leave one either open-mouthed with amazement, or shaking one's head in disgust, or exasperated by the absurdity of the locals, or all of the above.

I've come up with a partial list of stuff to expect in Saigon and Hanoi, so future first-timers to these wonderful cities have an equally wonderful experience. Here goes:

1. Money exchange

When changing money upon arrival at the airport, some banks offer a more favourable US$-VND exchange rate, but with a 3% service charge written in the fine print.

Better choose a bank which clearly states "No service charge", even if their exchange rate is less. You will come out ahead.

2. Crossing the streets

In these cities, the motorcycles rule the streets by sheer number. It constantly amazed me that there were hardly any accidents involving these vehicles.

Crossing the main streets can be problematic. Make slow, firm steps, while putting out your hand to signal "Stop!" to the onrushing motorcycles. Under NO circumstances is it advisable to do the cha-cha ("double-double-single"), as this is a surefire way to get hit.

While the motorcycles seem like ready to run you over, just stay rooted on your spot, and they will part like the Red Sea and weave around you. Take my word for it.

3. Shopping

Bargain hard, but always with a smile. The old trick of walking away when the vendor doesn't agree to your price works surprisingly well, but do not squeeze the last VND from them. Hey, they probably need the money a lot more than you do.

The lady vendors at Ben Thanh market in Saigon are particularly aggressive, to the point of pulling at your shirt and whacking you on the shoulder if you inquire about prices, but fail to buy.

4. Language

Surprisingly, English comprehension is not that good. It is best to learn some basic phrases, such as: "Xin chao" (hello), "Cam on" (thank you), "Bao nhieu" (how much?), "Mac qua" (too expensive!), and "Co dep qua" (you're beautiful).

5. Etiquette

According to Frommers, "any show of anger is a definite no-no", as this causes the locals to lose face.

Of course, if the taxi drivers are taking the long route to your destination; or the coffee shop waitress forgets the condensed milk when you ordered the "Iced Vietnamese coffee with condensed milk"; or they tell you a can of bottled water costs 15,000 VND when it is clearly stated as costing 10,000 VND on the menu (all of which happened to us), then go ahead by all means and raise your voice a bit.

6. Food & Drink

Speaking of which, not to try the "Iced Vietnamese coffee with condensed milk" (Ca phe sua dac) even once during your visit is borderline criminal!

7. Sights

When visiting the Cu Chi tunnels in Saigon (a must-see, in my opinion), bring insect repellant.
I repeat, bring insect repellant.

8. Money matters

Be extremely careful when buying stuff and getting change, especially if you pay in US Dollars and the store will give change in VND.

The various denominations of the VND notes tend to look alike (the green-colored 10,000 VND and 100,000 VND notes are deceptively similar-looking), given that they all have Uncle Ho beaming at you, making them prone to mistakes (intentional or otherwise) on the part of the seller.

After all, one must not give up one's millionaire status by being careless, right?

(Many thanks to May Ibalio and Diederick Helder for the lovely photos)

2009-04-15T07:14:00.000-07:00

HOW TO BECOME A MILLIONAIRE IN ONE EASY STEP
(Part One, Saigon-Siem Reap-Hanoi-Halong vacation)

Forget all those 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad' books, and their ilk.

All you have to do is board a plane and fly to Vietnam, where one US Dollar gets you the equivalent of 17,700 VND [Vietnam Dong].

So, when i exchanged US$100 at the airport upon arrival in Ho Chi Minh (also known as Saigon) city, i was handed more or less 1.7 million VND. Woohoo!

As can be seen from the pic below, the VND notes come in big denominations, most commonly 100,000, 50,000 and 10,000 VND.
The largest note is 500,000 VND [not in photo].

The smaller ones, such as the 500 VND and 1000 VND notes, also come in coins and are pretty much useless, since most prices seem to start at 10,000 VND.

Of course, it took a while to get used to seeing and hearing prices quoted at such huge amounts. And even more difficult was mentally converting prices into US dollars (and then on to PHPs).

While at the Ben Thanh market, i inquired how much a box of coffee was.

"50,000 VND," stated the rotund vendor.

"What?! Mac Qua! [Too expensive!]" i cried, only to realize a few seconds later that this amount was something like US$3.00 only. Well, it was still expensive, and we eventually bargained her to a more reasonable level.

A sampling of other typical prices include:

Paper fan at Ben Thanh market = 15,000 VND
Pho [noodle soup] at a Pho 24 outlet = 34,000 VND
N & M [local upscale brand] men's pants = 499,000 VND

Of course, the astute reader will point out that there is a catch to my millionaire status in Vietnam. After all, it is not the amount of money per se that matters, but the amount of goods and services one can purchase or exchange for it.

As my college thesis partner-turned-financial whiz MonT. will probably put it, "You may be a millionaire on paper, but you have the purchasing power of a pauper. Olats ka pa rin! [Loser!]"

2009-04-02T08:40:00.000-07:00

COLORFUL TIBET IN SHANGHAI

It's March. Yup, the time of the year to fly again to Shanghai for work.

It was also another chance to have dinner with my friend JPL, and the friendly couple, Mary and Looi, who had chosen a Tibetan resto this time. (We had eaten at a Xinjiang resto the last time 2 years ago)

After some walking around in circles, we finally found the resto. The exteriors are nothing much to write about, and i had a huge feeling at the back of my mind that this resto would be a stinker. Tibetan cuisine wasn't exactly setting the world on fire, was it?

But once one stepped inside, everything suddenly changed. To say this resto was bursting with color was an understatement; it was breathng and exploding with vivid colors any where one looked!

And should one feel compelled to dine inside a tent, just like they do in Tibet (?), there's a colorful tent waiting:

The staff, who are dressed in colorful costumes, go around table to table, offering toasts in their native tongue.

We had absolutely no clue what they were saying. Hopefully, it wasn't in colorful language. :D

Onwards to the food.

The menu featured a one-page ad on their whole roasted sheep (complete with a ribbon tied around its head!). It looked tempting; alas, it has to be pre-ordered a day ahead.

Mary and Looi took charge of ordering, so i didn't have an opportunity to write down the exact names of the dishes. Below is a run-through of most of the dishes we ate:

First up, a dish of Alfafa sprouts, which proved to be chewy and tasty.

Second, lamb ribs. Lip-smacking good! A tad too oily, though. Nonetheless, I could have eaten another order of this all by myself.

Third, yak meat. When i tasted this dish, i asked JPL, "Why does it taste so much like eggplant?"

Well, that's because it WAS eggplant mostly. Turns out the yak meat was those little bits and pieces ground up.

Up next, the Tibetan baked macaroni. :D

It was actually a tomato stew, with cheese, potato, etc. Looked a bit yucky at first, but it was actually pretty good. The tomato was intensely sweet, but perfectly balanced by the potatoes.

Then, it got more exotic. The picture below is of the quail egg/veggies/dates/chili/hotdog/fishball soup with Tibetan ants.

Yes, you read correctly. Ants. These were supposed to be good for one's health.

With some trepidation, i scooped a bowl of the soup, turned to JPL, and solemnly stated, "I hereby appoint you as executor of my last will and testament", to everyone's hearty laughter.

Here's a close-up view of the ants:

They're pretty big and horrific-looking, but you won't really taste them at all. Everyone agreed the soup was good, and got second helpings, myself included.

Then, spinach soup, with naan bread. More like pureed spinach, sort of a goop. It tasted like, well, spinach.

Yak tea [not pictured] was also served, which in my opinion, tasted like regular tea mixed with low-fat/skim milk powder.

Throughout dinner, we watched the cultural program being performed by the staff, which consisted mainly of dancing and singing. At the end, guests were "invited" to join in a group native dance.

To our amusement, JPL was roped in to go up the stage and partake of this audience participation segment. He proceeded to do the Tibetan tap dance and Tibetan two-step shuffle with much gusto. (No pics here though, lest his reputation take a permanent beating ;-D)

There was a raffle as well, and i won a coupon entitling me to the lamb ribs dish (worth RMB 80.00) during my next visit!

Yak!! (Tibetan word for "Yes!!!", or so i think :D)

(The resto is located at the ground floor of the Shanghai Stadium)

2009-03-19T03:18:00.000-07:00

BOHOLANO CACAO FARMER OUT TO USE THE TARSIER FOR HIS OWN NEFARIOUS ENDS
(Bohol vacation, Conclusion)

Most visitors to Bohol go to the Chocolate Hills Complex, ooh and ahh over these unique formations (there are 1,268 of them, in case you're counting), crack a few jokes about their resemblance to female mammaries and take 'trick digicam shots showing them jumping over the hills, etc.

Most are unaware that there is another side to the Chocolate Hills. I found this out quite by accident myself. Having mentioned casually to our tour guide, whom we shall call Gulliver (for that is his name), about the extremely delicious cups of hot local chocolate i had been drinking at breakfast for the last couple of days, he quickly realized he was in the presence of a fellow chocoholic.

"Did you know that cacao trees are grown at the base of the Hills in the municipality of Sagbayan?" he queried. "That's where the cocoa beans that go into our local chocolate come from."

"Really? I didn't know that at all!" i replied enthusiastically. "So REAL chocolate comes from the Chocolate Hills? How cool is that!! Do you think we could visit the farmers' plantation?"

Thus, the day after saw me and Gulliver taking a 2-hour van ride to Sagbayan, where he had arranged for an interview with Mang Bokbok, one of the 80 or so farmers active in the cultivation of the cacao tree in Bohol.

Mang Bokbok turned out to be a wiry, quiet man in his late fifties, with a weather-beaten face from too much sun exposure. He gave us a brief overview of the cultivation of the cacao tree, and the harvest, processing and production into chocolate. At present, they were growing trees at some 200 out of the 1,200+ Chocolate Hills, all in the remote parts of the municipality, so as not to spoil tourists' camera shots.

According to Mang Bokbok, the rich, fertile soil, coupled with the shade provided by the Hills, were ideal conditions for the cacao tree to flourish and bear much fruit.

Rather skeptical, i asked him, "How come the government has not promoted Bohol chocolate at all? Or your plantations as tourist spots?"

Mang Bokbok frowned slightly, and he launched into a furious tirade. Gulliver took some time to translate his words. Turned out there was a dispute between two opposite factions of the cacao farmers. It went like this:

The Bohol International Industrial Klan (BIIK), being composed of farmers whose sons and daughters were disinclined to carry on with the business, was lobbying for their farmlands to be converted into housing subdivisions.

Meanwhile, the Bohol Underground Land Owners Klan (BULOK), of which Mang Bokbok was the president, believed it was only a matter of time before the world would discover the fantastic qualities of Boholano chocolate. So, they wanted the government to give tax incentives and subsidies to their production, to make it more competitive.

With the two groups warring with each other, the Department of Tourism (DOT) was wary of promoting their cacao plantations as 'eco-nature' destinations.

Besides, to get to their location would require at least 2 hours of driving through dusty, unpaved and winding roads, not necessarily any tourist's cup of hot choco (pun intended).

Mang Bokbok had no love lost for the local government. He described the mayor as "corrupt", who hadn't yet fulfilled his campaign promise to provide the farmers with a new, automated roasting machine for their beans.

The sun was setting, and Gulliver and i were preparing to get back to Panglao.

As we thanked Mang Bokbok for his time, he slyly smiled, and confided the "secret" project he was working on right now. He had heard of the "Alamid coffee", reputedly the most expensive coffee in the world.

This is what made it unique: It is made from the beans found in the droppings (yes, we also know it as 'feces', 'poop' or 'shit') of the Philippine Civet, a cat-like nocturnal mammal closely similar to the mongoose.

The civets eat coffee berries, but the beans inside are swallowed and passed out whole (undigested) by the animal. These beans are gathered from droppings found at the farm. Then, these are filtered, dried under the sun for several days and then roasted for 7 hours.

This inspired a brain wave in Mang Bokbok. He then set about obtaining (through dubious means, i must say) three dozen tarsiers from the sanctuary in Corella, and had been force feeding cacao beans on these poor creatures. Since the tarsiers' diet was composed of crickets and other insects, they were unable to process the beans properly, and said beans go through their digestive tracts undigested.

Further, to ramp up production quickly, Mang Bokbok had installed bright compact fluourescent lights inside his tarsiers' cages, thus depriving them of sleep and raising their stress levels. This had the effect of increasing their poop production threefold.

Quite ingenious, and devious, at the same time.

I asked, "Err....how does the chocolate from the tarsiers' shit taste like?"

Mang Bokbok closed his eyes, and started waxing rhapsodically about the intense, full-bodied aroma and creamy, vanilla-like flavour with a hint of lemony after-taste of the chocolate produced from the tarsiers' droppings. He even offered us a taste, which Gulliver and i quickly declined.

Apparently, he had no qualms about exploiting an endangered animal like the tarsier at all.

"The government is shit. The DOT is full of shit," he opined. With a bemused half-smile on his lined, weary face, he added, "So why not make money from the tarsiers' shit?"

[This story is a product of my imagination, and is pure nonsense]

2009-03-17T06:11:00.000-07:00

CHASING THE DOLPHINS
(BOHOL vacation, Part Four)

We had a very early call time today, 6:00 AM. Normally, i would revolt at waking up so early (we were on vacation, after all), but i was actually sorta pumped, even though it was all dark so early in the morning, and we had to eat a hurried breakfast.

Why? Because we were going on our dolphin-watching tour at Pamilacan Island, approximately one hour's banca ride away from Panglao.

Our guide/head boatman, Teddy, led us to our banca, called "ARCA". Fortunately, it seemed to be a sturdy boat, with adequate life jackets on board.

Before we sailed off, i asked Teddy about the numerous touts we had been encountering the past day while walking on the beach, all of them offering dolphin-watching tours at low prices. So, what was the difference between the tours offered by these touts and those offered by the tour company employing him?

He replied that these touts have not undergone the Department of Tourism (DOT) seminar/accreditation for the tours. Thus, they had no license to operate said tour. Moreover, they (and their passengers) have no insurance in the event of some misfortune at high seas. Rather reassuring, eh?

We were also introduced to our 'spotter', Arnel (above pic), who was 18 years old but didn't look a day over 12! [No wonder S. had an immediate crush on him, haha :-D]

Teddy proved to be quite a gregarious guide. We had asked if there were also whales to be seen at this time of year, but no such luck. Apparently, while dolphins can be found year-round, whales can be spotted only in the months of April, May and sometimes June.

Teddy commented that he and his co-residents at Pamilacan Island used to be whale hunters. They used to catch the dolphins, whales, sharks, manta rays, etc., and butcher them for food. But they have all seen the light, so to speak; and this practice has been banned for at least ten years.

Upon my egging, though, he described in graphic detail how they used to harpoon a dolphin, and how it easily got disoriented and dizzy from the smell of its own blood. From then on, it was easy pickings to reel it in.

Then viola! Dolphin sashimi for lunch. He described its taste "like beef".

We had expected a hot sunny morning, and had slathered on as much sunblock as we could, only to be thwarted by the overcast sky. Worse, a fairly hard drizzle came and stayed, making the boat ride towards Pamilacan Island one wet, chilly experience. Good thing, though, that the waves were fairly calm.

Fortunately, the sky cleared up during the mid-way portion of our boat ride, and the sun came out.

"The dolphins are there," Teddy pointed. Then he started clapping and whistling. This seems the standard way to catch the dolphins' attention.

"Where?" I couldn't see any, despite squinting and peering like crazy.

Oh, there they were. Initially, it was hard to pick out these creatures' dark gray fins peeking out from the dark blue waters of the sea; but after some effort, they became readily apparent.

Teddy estimated there were around 200 dolphins swimming around, behind, in front, and even underneath our banca. Yes, these creatures are aware they are being watched.

Taking good pictures of them proved quite difficult, though. The banca was rocking to and fro, the dolphins were swimming fast, and one didn't really want to stretch out too far at our vessel's bow, lest one fall off. We did see a dolphin doing a triple somersault some 30 feet in front of us.

A friend (who had previously seen the dolphins) quipped to me that this tour should be called "dolphin-chasing" instead. She did have a point. After all, unlike your typical experience at Sea World or other marine amusement parks, the dolphins are NOT going to do somersaults, or wave at you, or kiss you, on demand.

Nevertheless, seeing these lovely creatures at their natural habitat was made me real happy. Yep, i didn't even grumble at waking up at such an odd hour.

(For more info, check out the website of Pamilacan Island Dolphin and Whale Watching Tours at http://whales.bohol.ph)

(Thanks yet again to Sheila Tan for the pics, taken with her new 10.0 megapixel camera)

2009-03-14T05:56:00.000-07:00

BOHOL BEE FARM
(BOHOL vacation, Part Three)

I had heard about Bohol Bee Farm a few years back from my close friend Sh., but didn't really pay too much attention. I had thought it was something like the Ilog Maria Bee Farm in Cavite, which wasn't anything much to see.

Until Sh. mentioned in passing that the food at the Bohol Bee Farm was pretty good. Faster than you can say "honeybee", i was Googling them and was surprised to learn it was a bee farm-resort-restaurant rolled in one. Oh, you can get a massage here, too.

So i had our countryside itinerary tweaked a bit, and our group visited the Bohol Bee Farm as our last stop before going back to Alona Beach (where we were staying). We were so charmed by the place that we ended up staying for dinner!

Amongst other things, they have a small store selling assorted farm products, such as breads, spreads, honey, teas, a small selection of soaps, and the like. I was particularly taken by their Honeyed Salabat (ginger tea).

We toured around the place a bit, peeking into the various nipa huts and hoping to see people being massaged in various stages of dishabille, haha :D

Below is a pic of the area where they do traditional Hilot massage:

We proceeded to their alfresco restaurant overlooking the sea. It looked pretty inviting, and the view was lovely, too.

Below is a pic of their Organic Garden Salad (Fresh picked assorted romaine lettuce, radish, turnips, mustard greens and indigenous flowers served with honeyed mustard salad dressing), which is supposed to be a must-try.

When it was served to our table, we all looked at it for a few seconds, then at each other, wondering "Are those flowers edible?" The whole thing looks too pretty to eat!

Other dishes we ordered were the: Yoga Salad with Cheese (Assorted organic veggies topped with fresh herbs without onions and garlic) - very good, too! ; Tomato Soup (Home-made tomato soup with tidbits of organic carrots, radish, okra and celery) - quite filling, good for two or three people ; Spareribs - the portions were really large.

Their home-made ice cream (we ordered buko, vanilla and chocolate flavors) were particularly good, too.

To sum it all up, there's good food, shopping for pasalubong, massage area and nice views to be had at Bohol Bee Farm. I was surprised this place isn't as well-known as it ought to be.

Perhaps the only real drawback is that it seems logistically difficult to go here if you are staying on the beachfront areas of Panglao Island. I think it involves renting a van or tricycle to take you back and forth.

(Bohol Bee Farm is located at Dao, Dauis, Panglao Island. For more info on their menu, rates, location, etc., please check out their website)

(Thanks to Sheila Tan again for the pics, taken with her new 9.0 megapixel camera)

2009-03-14T04:42:00.000-07:00

YET MORE SUNBLOCK ON MY BACK, PLEASE
(BOHOL vacation, Part Two)

Continuing our tradition of road-testing sunscreen lotions for the greater good of mankind, we pooled together all the sunblocks we brought along to Bohol, as you will see from the pic below:

We had a remarkably good batch this beach outing, since all the 5 sunblocks were easy to disperse into the skin and didn't have any 'oily' feeling.

1. Hawaiian Tropic Sun Junk SPF 45 (Tropical Fusion)

The packaging was unique, to say the least. It reminded me of the odor repellant i used in my car, which sadly, did not repel any odor. Haha. I thought this sunblock was spray-on (i.e. you just point the nozzle to the body part, and start firing away); turns out this wasn't the case.

We really liked this one, though, mainly due to its fruity, appealing smell.

2. Murad Waterproof Sunblock SPF 30

It smelled quite nice as well, with its Pomegranate extract touted to have anti-aging properties. As everyone very well knows, i'm a huge sucker for these natural fruit/herb/plant extract-type of things.

A tad too pricey, though, at around PHP1,300.00 (roughly US$26.00).

3. Soltan Extreme Sport Suncare Lotion SPF 25

The bottle says it provides "extra resistancy against water, wind, sand, cold, sweat and snow." Naks!

Compared to the others, you have to make more effort to rub this sunblock into your skin, but it does stay on. The smell is a bit weird, although not really off-putting.

4. Hawaiian Tropic Ozone Sunblock SPF 70

S. was the one who brought this sunblock. She admitted that its smell was faintly reminiscent of rust and rotten leaves, but claimed that due to its being 'thick' (i.e. viscous in texture), it was therefore effective and served its purpose well.

Hmm. . .i didn't find her logic Einstein-esque, but couldn't marshal any logical arguments to the contrary. I suppose it is more of a mental thing, since its ultra-high SPF (which is really overkill, by the way) can make one more secure and protected against the sun.

5. The Face Shop Oil-Free Sun Milk SPF 38

Being in liquid form, i had thought this would be difficult to apply, but surprisingly it wasn't. It felt a bit oilier on the skin than the others, though.

So, which one won our "Annual Beach Outing Sun Block Road Test" contest?

It was none other than the Hawaiian Tropic Sun Junk!! Not only did we like its smell and performance, at the price of PHP499.00 (around US$10), it provided fantastic value for money.

2009-03-13T05:08:00.000-07:00

TARSIER WANTS TO PHONE HOME, BUT HAS NO LOAD
(BOHOL vacation, Part One)

We spent a day touring around the popular sites in Bohol, and one of them was viewing the Philippine tarsier (Tarsius syrichta), the smallest known specie of monkey and indigenous to Bohol.

It has gray fur and a nearly naked tail. Tarsiers are named as such because of their special elongated tarsial bones, which form their ankles and enable them to leap to almost 10 feet from tree to tree. They weigh only 4 - 5 ounces, and are quite small (around 11 cm, or 4 inches only). Their diet is composed mainly of crickets.

Another interesting factoid is that tarsiers can rotate their head almost 180 degrees in each direction. Whoa!

Being classified as an endangered species, the government had stepped in and established an 'official' Tarsier sanctuary in Corella, where an approximately 134-hectare piece of land has been set aside as the Phil. Tarsier Sanctuary. Here, there are supposedly more than a hundred tarsiers living in the wild.

However, since it was not very accessible and the tarsiers were probably not keen on being disturbed, what the DENR did was to put up 4 accredited viewing sites, such as the one that we went to in Loboc.

It is essentially a small roadside shack with a few trees, each having its resident tarsier; and some souvenir stands selling all sorts of knick knacks, Peanut Kisses (it mystifies me why Hershey's has not yet sued these people in Bohol for blatant trademark infringement?!? :D), and cold drinks.

Oh, there are some strict guidelines in viewing these creatures, namely:

a) NO flash photography, as this will either scare them or damage their eyes, or both.

b) NO touching! Once stressed, they become suicidal.

c) NO, you can't buy them, and make them into household pets!

Most people i know have described these creatures as 'cute', which quite honestly, was the last word i would use to describe them!

Our guide also mentioned that these tarsiers were nocturnal creatures, which begs the obvious question: What do they do at night? After all, all tourists visit them during daytime hours, and all they ever do is hang on tree branches for dear life, with this worried, bug-eyed look.

Some questions burned in my mind:

Can the tarsiers really leap from tree to tree? I have yet to see any National Geographic or Discovery Channel documentary showing this.

What could they be doing during the 'witching' hours when they are awake? Play hopscotch? Wipe their snot on each other's eyes for fun? What?!?

Our guide, and anyone else we asked, didn't know. Hmph.

After taking pics and looking at them closely, my friend R.T. jokingly commented, "E.T. phone home."

I don't know, man, but i think they're deadringers for Gollum from LOTR! Like this one:

Fortunately, though, we also saw the lesser-known, much cuter cousin of the tarsier, as you can see below:

I'm sure you'll all agree with me that they're much more endearing, eh?

(Thanks to Sheila Tan for the pics, taken with her new 8.0 megapixel camera)

2009-02-08T05:21:00.000-08:00

SPEED DATING : A 'TWISTED' EVENT

Around late January, i realized that wretched, over-commercialized V-Day was fast coming up, and my potential V-date had turned out to be, well, lacking in potential, after all.

So, with no viable date in the far, far horizon, yours truly decided to do the next best thing: sign up for this "Early Valentine" Speed Dating event targeted to the Filipino-Chinese community.

Days before the event, i was informed there would be a "twist" with this speed dating event. But despite badgering the vivacious organizer Candie, she steadfastly refused to spill the beans.

Speed dating normally works this way: The guys and gals sit facing each other on individual tables, and talk to each other one-on-one for an allotted number of minutes (commonly 3 or 4 minutes). Then, once a buzzer or bell signifies the end of this allotted time, the guys move over to the next table where the next girl awaits, and the process starts all over again.

Each guy and gal has a checklist in their hand, wherein they "check" those people whom they liked well enough to want to see again. So, if Guy A checks Gal Z, and she also checks him, then we have a "match".

A day or two after the event, the organizers inform each participant by email how many matches they have, along with the mobile phone numbers of the said members of the opposite sex.

On the night itself, the turnout was overwhelming. There were 31 pairs signed up (whoa!). So, i guess there were that many unattached-yet-on-the-prowl people like me! Haha :D

Candie went onstage, and announced that the game. . . err, event was about to begin. Further, she revealed that the twist was that this would be a "group" speed dating, instead of the normal one-on-one set-up.

This was how it would work:

There were a total of 6 tables, and each table would have more or less 5 guys and 5 gals. They would be given 15 minutes to mingle, chat, make jokes, stare into space, etc. before the guys move on to the next table, and so on.

To break the ice (factoid: Fil-Chis, or "Tsinoys", are amongst the coldest bunch of people on earth), there would be a game question for each round, which the speed dating participants would answer. This, hopefully, would get everyone involved, and start sharing juicy tidbits about themselves.

Candie explained the rationale for the shift from one-on-one to group: Based on their previous events, participants would get hoarse from all that talking by the midpoint (and i suspect, tired about being asked and answering the same questions regarding their age, job, school, income, etc.), and sort of not enjoying themselves anymore from then on. Clearly, a case of diminishing marginal returns at work.

Also, i thought the group format was an ingenious way for the organizer to deal with last-minute no-shows/flakers, as it eliminated the need to have the exact same number of guys and gals.

Nevertheless, i had serious reservations about this so-called "twist", in all honesty. Probably because i'm anti-social, taciturn and don't like big groups.

Besides, under the usual one-on-one set-up, i have the entire 4 minutes to monopolize the girl's attention, and hopefully charm the pants off her. [IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This is a figure of speech only; DO NOT take it literally, okay?]

Whereas under the new group set-up, i have to find a way to stand out from the other 4 guys, who are all in their own way trying a find a way to stand out and impress the girls, too! Likely result: total chaos.

While i (secretly) wished that the other 4 guys at the table were all pasty-faced schmucks, so that i come across as relatively "better", i could not afford to take things to chance. After all, one has to take one's fate into one's own hands, right? You know, "Carpe Diem!" or whatever.

Without further ado, we guys were assigned our respective tables, and the game was afoot!

Amongst the questions used as starting points were:

a) Describe yourself using words which start with each letter of your first name. [For example, Candie could describe herself as "Catty, alluring, neurotic, delicate, ingenious and elegant"]

b) "If you were marooned on a desert island, who are the 3 people (whether dead or alive, real or imaginary, etc.) whom you would bring along, and why?"

c) State 3 things about yourself, 2 of which are factual and 1 being a lie. Then the members of the opposite sex at your table will guess which one is the lie, and you tell them if they had guess correctly or not.

In fairness to Candie (and contrary to my earlier reservations), this new group speed dating format worked quite well, especially during the later stages. At first, people were sort of shy, and deferred to others to start the ball rolling. But once warmed up, most everyone was willing to share interesting tidbits about themselves.

In particular, making wild guesses regarding which "fact" was in fact a lie proved to be hilarious. Not only did this game bring out interesting revelations from each of us, it brought forth lots of good-natured 'roasting' and bantering and hooting when each person had to reveal which of his/her statements was the lie, and why exactly so.

Of course, the evening was not complete without some low points, like the girls from the wretched Table no. [x]. I do not intend to sound mean, but really, they were regrettably a trifle deficient in the personality department.

For one, they kept on pointing to the others to get the discussion started, much like guests at a Chinese dinner lauriat, who move the lazy Susan back and forth the table, urging each other to be the one to dig into the food first. Then, when finally pressed to say something substantial, they hemmed and hawwed and frowned in agonizingly deep thought, as time ticked away.

One of them proferred the oh-so-fascinating tidbit that she "didn't like cheese". Equally uninspiring was another one who professed her love for travelling. When i inquired what her favorite travel destination was, or what had been her most enjoyable trip so far, she clammed up and looked at me uncomprehendingly, as though i asked her whether cold nuclear fusion was the answer to global warming.
Tsk, tsk.

Due to the late hour, Candie was not able to tabulate the results, and instead, promised to email everyone their respective "matches" shortly.

So the waiting game begins.

(For more details on the speed dating event, please check out www.my20firstdates.com)

2008-12-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

THE FINANCIAL METRICS OF RE-GIFTING

Having decided to play the Christmas Grinch this year, I have been searching through my closets and drawers for stuff to re-gift to the poor souls who managed to make my severely-downsized gift list.

Let me just point out once and for all that, contrary to popular opinion, people who re-gift are not cheap, lazy couch potatoes who are, well, too cheap and lazy to remember their loved ones at this time of the year and schlep over to the mall to buy the necessary gifts.

Au contraire, mon ami. We re-gifters (also known as RGs) are actually doing the world a huge, huge favor! Why? Just think of all the carbon emissions we are NOT emitting, by not driving our cars and burning fuel as our engines idle for 20 minutes while queuing at the mall parking entrance and driving around looking for that ever-elusive parking spot.

And don't get me started on all that wasteful packaging that comes with purchasing gifts. Why shirts have to be wrapped in fine Japanese paper, then into plastic and then into a carton shopping bag is beyond me.

If anything, it is the fault of those people who give us weird / inappropriate / unusable gifts ("Unwanted Gifts", or UGs) in the first place, that we RGs are forced to RG!!! :-D Gaddemit!!

Anyway, to get to the point, i've thought of some metrics to evaluate the effectiveness and efficiency of one's RG efforts:

1. Average Mental Regifting Period (AMRP)

= No. of days between the time you receive an UG, and the time you think of someone who would make a good victim, errr, recipient of the regifted unwanted gift (i.e. RUG).

For ex., if you receive a faux Seiko wallet from your creepy Uncle Leo on Dec. 12th and realized on Dec. 22nd that it would be an ideal gift for your lazy golf pro Cosmo, then your AMRP is ten (10) days.

Our rule of thumb is as follows:

<> 100 days - You're a bit of a dunce, aren't you?

2. Average Unwanted Gift Turnover (AUGT)

= 360
______________________________________________

No. of days between receipt of UG and actual re-gifting of the UG

This measures how efficiently you actually RG UGs, rather than stashing them in your closet and forgetting them till next Christmas.

Say that you get a ceramic white frog from your annoying nephew George on Dec. 9th and regifted it to your big-haired secretary Elaine via the office Kris Kringle on Dec. 24th, then your AUGT is 24. Pretty good!

3. Unwanted Gift Recipient Christmas Thrill Rating (UGRCTR)

= Recipient's satisfaction with the RUG (out of 10 points) _____________________________________________

Re-gifter's expected satisfaction from Recipient (out of 10 points)

Ergo, if your overweight postman Newman goes ballistic over the coffee mug you RG'd him (i.e. 3 out of 10), yet you actually thought he would enjoy drinking his daily cappuccino using it (i.e. 9 of 10), then the UGRCTR is a paltry 0.33.

On a chirpier note, if Newman liked the dog repellant you gave him (RG'd via your demanding boss Mr. Pitt), the corresponding UGRCTR would likely be 10 / 10 = 1.

Our aim is for this ratio to be equal to 1, meaning the recipient liked your gift as much as you had expected. In the event that the UGRCTR is greater than 1 (i.e. the recipient's delight goes beyond your wildest expectations), both RG and recipient are enjoined to hold hands and sing (all together now), "Fa la la la la, La la la la . . . ."

Merry Christmas, everyone!

(Thanks to "Cartoonful" for the tree photo)

2008-11-21T04:29:00.000-08:00

G.U.S. NITPICKS!! (v. 20)

VIEUX CHALET ANTIPOLO

Five years ago. . . .

GUS : "Hey R., have you heard of this Swiss resto somewhere in Antipolo? Named Vieux Chalet?"
R. : "Yeah, i ate there once, a long time ago. It's rather out of the way, and hard to find."
GUS : "Really? Is the food good? As in, worth the trip?"
R. : "Yeah, very good. And it's pretty popular with all these middle-aged Makati executive types."
GUS : "Huh, why so?"
R. : "Coz that's where they bring their mistresses for intimate dinners. For sure, no one will catch them!"

Present-Day

After months of planning and meshing together of schedules, we (meaning charming J., amazonic R., suave XQ, with baby Moon in tow; and i) were finally off to Vieux Chalet for a reunion-cum-foodtrip.

Vieux Chalet was started by Tony Hassig of Switzerland way back in 1984 (!). It is simply amazing for a resto to last this long, especially in an industry notorious for short lifespans and given its out-of-the-way location. At present, it is his wife, Susan Hassig, who is in overall charge of the restaurant.

Vieux Chalet is essentially a house converted into a family-run restaurant. It is surprisingly small, having only 5 tables. The place can best be described as unpretentious, like dining in a family friend's house. The ambiance is very informal, and laden with rustic charm. The air was cool, birds were chirping in the background, and it was as rural and laid-back as can be.

The antique piano works, and assorted bric-a-brac is pretty to look at. I was egging amazonic R. to play "Blue Moon", but sadly, this was beyond her skills.

Corner table at Vieux Chalet, with a nice view. You can see the Makati skyline (and the overhanging cloud of smog) from afar.

The paintings on the walls are all for sale. While we were there, a kid from another table accidentally knocked a picture frame to the wooden floor, and they paid for it. At our table, we made jokes about how the artist would probably go bonkers, if he were to find out that the reason his work was selling at a brisk pace was due to accidents like this.

We duly ordered, and took some photos while waiting for our food. So far, everything was okay. I was just wondering if the food would be as good as hyped. After all, one didn't drive all the way out here to get a bad meal, right?

And our food came out, in this order:

Raclette (PHP185.00)

No one amongst us was fond of black olives, but other than that, this dish was very well-received. The cheese was tart without being cloying, and the potato had the right consistency. The portion could have been bigger, though.

Pizza de la Casa (home-cured ham, mushroom, cheese and oregano)
(PHP495.00)

Crispy crust, delightful toppings!!

Rosti (Swiss-style potatoes) (PHP185.00)

I tend to think of this dish as an oversized pancake-style hash brown. Whatever it may be, R. blurted out "Sarap!", and resolved to try making her own version at home. If we were living in the time of Robin Hood, we would have responded with, "Aye, aye! Thou speakest the truth, fair damsel." Hehe :-D

Fresh Fish Fillet in White Wine Sauce (PHP485.00)

The fish used for this dish was dory, and it was absolutely tender! And the sauce was light and delicate, and complemented the fish quite nicely, too.

Osso Buco (Veal Shank in fresh Basil and Tomato sauce)
(PHP585.00)

The meat was tender, although i personally thought the sauce was a tad too salty. But charming J. absolutely loved this. Really good.

[left] Parfait du Chocolat and [right] Butter nut Ice cream

The Parfait du Chocolat was fantabulous! Terrific! Unanimous that this was fantastique! I could have eaten a whole gallon of this, i swear! And an absolute steal, at something like PHP65.00 only. Meanwhile, the Butter nut ice cream was a bit too sweet and cloying for me, but R. liked it very much, even dunking each scoop into her coffee.

For drinks, we had all chosen the Lemongrass Cooler. It was very refreshing and had just the right amount of sweetness. Suave XQ recounted how he had tried several times making lemongrass tea/juice at home, which proved devilishly difficult as sometimes it could be too strong, and he had to add lots of pandan just to balance the taste.

I wished, though, that Vieux Chalet offered a "bottomless"/unlimited refills option of this. Funnily enough, the lemongrass cooler turned out not to be to J.'s taste, so she ordered a Coke instead. I was all too willing to swoop in and finish her lemongrass for her. Haha!

To sum it all up, the food was really great, going even beyond our expectations. The bill came around to something like PHP750.00/pax, not a bad deal.

Even before we had left, i was already scheming on a return trip to Vieux Chalet!

I'll leave you all with this pic:

(Vieux Chalet is located at Taktak Road, Antipolo City. Tel# +632 697-0396, and Mobile# +63 917 856-5175 . For complete details on directions getting there, menu, prices and reservations, check out www.vieuxchaletphilippines.blogspot.com)

**Many thanks to Irwin Cruz for the photo of Vieux Chalet's facade (topmost photo)

2008-10-31T19:37:00.000-07:00

The GUS Guide to Surviving a Few Days in Mumbai
(Part Two of the Mumbai debacle)

Upon hearing that i was taking a trip to Mumbai, i was deluged with all sorts of well-intentioned (and ill-conceived) advice from friends. For example, someone actually told me to wear a face mask, while another friend reminded me sternly to get vaccination shots beforehand!

Rather overkill, don't ya think? If my memory serves me correctly, the only positive reaction came from my bodacious friend from the tennis courts, Nx, who remarked excitedly what an exotic place Mumbai seemed to be and how she wanted the chance to go there in the future.

I've decided to write a by-no-means complete travel guide for would-be first-time visitors to Mumbai, so they would have a clearer idea what to expect. Here goes:

1. Getting Around

As my friend JPL put it, "Be prepared to overpay for transportation. The motto is, if they can screw you, they will."

Upon arrival in Mumbai, avail of the prepaid taxi coupon service at the airport. DO NOT just go out to the arrival area, and accept offers by the numerous touts to take you to your hotel for a cheap price.

Why? To put it succinctly, tout offering cheap transpo + gullible, unprepared tourist = circuitous route taken by taxi driver + possible extortion.

Yep, i am not kidding. So, while the official black & yellow airport taxis do not inspire much confidence, being 1970s-era Fiats, they are your best bet.

In general, taxis are classified either as "regular" (no Aircon) or "special" (with Aircon). Avoid taking a "regular" taxi at all costs, unless you want to sweat like a pig from the heat, or have a wizened, bent-over beggar reach her crooked arm through the open window to wheedle some rupees from you.

Upon getting inside a taxi, immediately instruct the driver to turn on the meter. Nine times out of ten, he will refuse and try to convince you that the rates are fixed, depending on distance and destination.

Insist he use the meter. If he again refuses, make (an empty) threat that you will file a complaint against him. If he still refuses, get out of his cab and find another one (and tell him to "Go to hell!" in Hindi, while at it. Haha :D).

2. Drinking water

Most common advice given to us was, "Do not drink water from the tap!" Not even when gargling while brushing your teeth! Stick to bottled water all the time.

A friend of mine even made the following distinction: Buy bottled water only from 7-11 outlets, not from local groceries; and buy only international brands such as Vittel, Evian and Perrier, not local Indian brands.

In his case, he had made the mistake of buying a local bottled water brand, and endured 2 days of diarrhea as a result.

3. Eating

Stay at a 5-Star hotel and eat your meals there. Yes, this will be quite expensive. As JPL wryly commented, "There is a high cost to staying healthy."

It is best to avoid dairy products, raw seafood, fresh salads and the like. Much better to stick to food which has been thoroughly cooked. Hence, i think we ate all sorts of kebabs during our meals, which i liked very much.

Regarding drinks, do not pour your soda or juice or whatever to a glass full of ice! A thousand times no!

4. Shopping

Due to some rioting in the streets, we were not able to go out and do as much shopping as we had time for.

Prices are always negotiable, even in those pricey hotel souvenir shops. Bargain hard!
That old trick of pretending to walk away if you're not happy with the prices does work. Once in a while, at least.

Oh, if you ever walk into a shop selling Turkish carpets and have no intention of buying one, get out before the proprietor has taken you by the arm and snapped his fingers for his underlings to roll out various carpets on the floor and extolled their respective design, craftmanship and thread count virtues. Believe me, these people WILL exert more pressure on you than a turbo broiler!

5. Customs

A sense of humor goes a long way. Accept that things do not run like clockwork, and you're half-way towards bearing all sorts of craziness with some degree of grace.

Try not to pass things or eat using your left hand, as this hand is considered unclean. Locals do not really expect foreign tourists to be aware of this, but doing so does help build some goodwill.

So that they don't try too hard to fleece you!!!!

2008-10-26T05:17:00.000-07:00

SPEEDING ON THE EXPRESSWAY IN BOMBAY
(Part One of the Mumbai debacle)

That old saying comes to mind: When in Mumbai, do as the Mumbainites (Mumbaiers? Mumbites? Bombay bombers??) do.

The sun was shining unbearably hot during the middle of the afternoon. Having finished the day's work, my friend JPL and i were looking for a way to get back to the cozy, airconditioned confines of our hotel, Grand Hyatt Mumbai.

Having been fleeced big-time by a taxi driver earlier that morning, who refused to use the meter and insisted on charging us a fixed rate, JPL and i paid no heed to the taxi drivers clamoring to take us back to our hotel. Heck, if i knew how to say "Go to hell!" in Hindi, i would have done so.

So we decided to take a chance on a tuktuk, basically a souped-up tricycle (see above pic).

Unfortunately, the drivers were quite tricky and wanted to charge us a fixed fee as well, instead of using their meters. After some half-hearted protestations and muttered curses underneath our breaths, JPL and i capitulated due to the searing heat and agreed to the sum of INR150 (around US$3.00).

"Well, what can we expect? They're all Indians!" I shrugged resignedly.

There was some confusion with regards to our destination. According to Samit, our driver, "There are two Hyatt hotel, the Grand Hyatt and the Hyatt Regency. One is near domestic airport, another near international airport. Which one you in?"

JPL replied, "Grand Hyatt."

With a rather diffident look on his face, he started again, "There are two Hyatts. . . ."

I cut Samit off, "We are at Grand Hyatt!"

After so more back and forth exchanges, the terrible truth dawned on us: Samit didn't know which Hyatt was near which airport!

He asked, "Can you call them [the hotel]?"

Quite annoyed by now, i retorted, "We don't know the number!"

He persisted, "Address? Is it near Sahar airport?"

JPL and i looked at each other quizzically. We didn't know our hotel's address, nor had we heard of Sahar airport! I hesitantly replied, "It's off the expressway. . ."

But this was no help at all. Fortunately, JPL was able to fish around in his pockets for the hotel key card; and finally, it became clear to Samit where he was supposed to take us.

Samit turned out to be a whirling dervish on the road, wheeling in and out of traffic as though his pants were on fire. With all the overtaking and swerving he did, we came within inches of colliding not only with other tuktuks, but also with motorcycles, taxis, trucks and even a bus or two.

Check out the pic below, showing the view from the backseat of the tuktuk:

Of course, our ride would not have been complete without the obligatory tourist chatter. Samit asked, "First time in Mumbai?"

After hearing our assent, he smiled and asked further, "You like it?"

"Hell, NO!! Your city stinks to high heavens, the roads are dusty and full of beggars and all you taxi and tuktuk drivers are nothing but a bunch of cheats and the traffic is horrible and the heat is even more horrible!!!" was what went through my mind and was at the tip of my tongue.

But playing the nice tourist for once, i merely said, through gritted teeth, "Yes, nice place." Hell, i felt my nose getting longer by the second. Grrrr!!

Samit asked, "You from Nepal?"

I wanted to give a sharp retort, "No, we're from Timbuktu!" But JPL, being the kind person that he was, set him straight as to our country of origin.

Upon JPL's inquiry, Samit informed us that his tuktuk used Compressed Natural Gas (CNG) and oil, not gasoline or diesel. Efforts to have a continued conversation were hampered by the honking horns, rumbling motors and street noise.

Which was just as well. We pressed him regarding exactly what type of oil was he using, but dropped the matter, as Samit had the disconcerting habit of taking his eyes off the road and tilting his head to the right side, so he could look at us while talking.

"Look out!" i cried, as we barely missed falling into a roadside ditch by inches.

Eventually, we arrived at the Grand Hyatt Mumbai a bit shaken, not stirred, happily with all limbs intact.

Oh, as i reached for my wallet to pay Samit the agreed-upon sum of INR150, he smiled and said, "INR200 [around US$4.00] please, due to long distance."

With our comfy hotel room beckoning, i did not even bother to argue and handed over the Rupee notes. (Sigh) Fleeced again!

2008-10-17T04:27:00.000-07:00

G.U.S. NITPICKS!! (v. 19)

NAGOMI Japanese Resto

I had always felt that there were two types of people in this world: those who eat sushi / sashimi, and those who don't. Of course, we all know that the people in the latter category are no fun at all, right? :D

So it was, that my maldita friend KK (who absolutely adores sashimi!) and i arrived at this resto's doorsteps yesterday night. NAGOMI (meaning "Harmony" in Nihongo) has been around for many years already, but somehow i've overlooked it and this was the first time i was eating here.

Presence of a Japanese family dining at a nearby table was reassuring. The staff were uniformly friendly, even cheerful. On the downside, i detected a slight musty smell inside the resto.

NAGOMI has this thick menu with loads and loads of bright, chirpy pictures of the food. Honestly, it was actually quite hard to decide what to order, as the array of choices was simply dizzying! From sushi to teppanyaki to yoshokuya . . . it goes on and on and on! In fairness, most of the choices did look appetizing.

Check out this page of the menu, "A Variety of Attractive Sushi".

Quite vivid and attractive, isn't it?

KK and i spent no small time discussing what to order. We both felt that the pictures were very helpful, but somehow the lack of descriptions can be a hindrance, too. Like for example, what was the difference between the Dynamite Roll and the Fire Cracker Roll?

Finally, we decided on the ff: Tuna and Ika (squid) Sashimi [pictured below], miso soup, Dynamite roll, rice and Gyu Koro (beef) Teppanyaki.

The food was uniformly very good, with the sashimi firm and tasty, and the beef teppanyaki tender and juicy. Even though KK proved to have a hearty appetite (which i really, really appreciated, since i can't stand girls who are too diet-conscious), we were undone by the Dynamite roll [pictured below]. We were simply too full to finish it off.

NAGOMI, in my opinion, is not quite a fine-dining Jap resto, but i would rank it in the same tier as Sugi. A return trip (with maldita KK) is definitely in the cards.

Oh, one minor quibble though. Lest i be accused of being totally shallow and petty (which i am, anyway. Haha! ;-D), the dull salmon-pink-colored tablecloth really doesn't do it for me. A colossal eyesore! I hope the management replaces them ASAP!

(NAGOMI Japanese Restaurant is located at the El Pueblo Complex, Pasig City, right across the Podium)

2008-10-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

PUCCINI'S "LA BOHEME"
(The Greatest Love Story Ever Sung)

RENT-head (or RENThead), n : someone who is obsessed with, or at least a very big fan of Jonathan Larson's rock opera RENT.

I certainly consider myself a RENT-head. It is my favorite stage musical, having watched it 4X in total, and having listened to the 2-CD original cast recording more times than i could remember ("Another Day" and "Without You" being my favorite songs).

Hence, my excitement at watching the Philippine Opera Company's first full-length opera production, La Boheme, on which RENT was loosely based on. After all, this was the original source material for RENT. . . the mother spaceship, so to speak.

For a brief synopsis of La Boheme, and comparisons between it and RENT, please check out Karla Gutierrez's (POC Artistic and Managing Director) Multiply site and this link from Our Awesome Planet. The plot is more or less the same, with the names a bit changed: Marcello is Mark, Rodolfo is Roger, Colline is Collins, Schaunard is Angel, Benoit is Benny, Musetta is Maureen, and Mimi is. . .well, Mimi.

I corralled my caustically witty friend Wd. to watch the opening night with me, although i must admit some misgivings entered in my mind. After all, who really watches opera in this country? Cultured geriatric high-society types, of course, but who else?

I guess that by staging La Boheme, the POC was trying to capture a broader and younger audience for opera. And La Boheme was the logical thing to stage, since its storyline was familiar to the numerous RENT-heads like me.

So there we were on opening night, perched on the front row of Balcony Center, looking down below and scanning to see how big the audience turnout would be.

Initial results were not encouraging. Wd. and i estimated that at the start of the opera, only 40% of the Orchestra and Balcony seats were filled. The Parterre boxes, in particular, were virtually empty.

On to the show. National Artist Bencab's presence was acknowledged; Helen Quach, the conductress of the orchestra, was introduced, and La Boheme duly began.

Unfortunately, this is where things kinda fall downhill. From our section at Balcony Center, the sound was rather weak and the actors' faces were barely recognizable. No matter, i thought, i was intimately familiar with the plot anyway, and should have no problems following along.

But try as i might, the arias sung in Italian proved to be too much. The novelty wore off after a few minutes, and my mind started drifting off to mundane matters, like whether i prefer to eat peanut butter or strawberry jam for tomorrow's breakfast, that sort of thing.

Something does really get lost in translation, in my opinion. There is something to be said for knowing the ongoing dialogue line by line.

We didn't know exactly what the actors were gesticulating about at any one moment. For example, in Act 2, Mimi was standing and embracing Rodolfo. What was she exactly singing about? Professing her undying love towards him? In what way? Or was she merely instructing him to order for her the pancit canton? WHAT?!!?

The bloggers who had attended the special preview/dress rehearsal night on Oct. 1st gave generally high marks, one of them even writing that “the fact that the show is conducted in Italian does not detract from its enjoyment. Music is the only true universal language and Italian, one of the most mellifluous, romantic, and beautiful languages in the world, certainly does not hurt the show, either.”

Sorry to rain on everyone's parade, but really?! I feel like a dunce who forgot the password to Alibaba's cave when i say this, but really?!?

I really wish the POC decided to make use of opera supertitles (i.e. simultaneous English translation of the libretto on a horizontal video screen somewhere above the stage) for La Boheme. It would have made it much easier to understand and appreciate what exactly was going on during each act.

(I had watched 'The Romance of Magno Rubio' a few years ago at CCP Little Theater, staged in Filipino, and they did have English supertitles) Granted, while supertitles make it easier for the audience to follow the storyline, they can distract from the performers, as excellently discussed in this article from the New York Times here, titled "So That's What The Fat Lady Sang".

Let me put it this way: The perfect audience for La Boheme would have been people who could understand and/or speak Italian, not people like me whose command of the language is limited to "ciao", "grazie" and "pizza quatro formaggio".

But since only a tiny minority in the audience likely understood Italian, and not everyone can relate to two hours of singing in a foreign language they cannot comprehend, the POC would have been much better served by accommodating majority of its audience through the use of supertitles.

All in all, our eager anticipation at the start of Act 1 turned into restlessness by Act 2, then to tedium in Act 3; and by Act 4, Wd. and i were flat-out bored. It just seemed like the thing wasn't simply going to end, and Mimi was taking so long to die (oops, sorry for the spoiler!)

I was already having fantasies of rapelling down from the balcony ala Tom Cruise in 'Mission Impossible', and sticking an imaginary balisong into Mimi, to put an end to her suffering AND MY misery.

Wonder of wonders though, when La Boheme ended and the lights came on, roughly 80% of the seats were filled by then.

(Check out www.philippineoperacompany.com for updates on future productions)

OVERHEARD WHILE THE SHOW WAS GOING ON:

During Act 1:

Guy seated at row behind us (in Fookien dialect, and in a lecturing tone of voice), to his female companion: "You don't come to see them [actors] act, just to listen to the singing...."

During Act 2:

Same guy seated behind us (in Fookien): "There's just one good song in this opera."
- perhaps he was referring to Musetta's Waltz?

Woman seated at row beside us, to her companion (in Fookien): "I heard that the star gets paid PHP2,000 to PHP3,000 per night." - could this be true?

During Act 3: (while Musetta and Marcello are kissing and groping each other)

Woman seated at row behind us (in Fookien, and in a shocked voice): "Is that [kissing and groping] real? Really? Hah..." (sharp intake of breath)

During Act 4:

Woman seated 2 rows behind us: "ZZZZZZZZZ" [snoring, in perfect Italian]

2008-07-29T04:03:00.000-07:00

PARIS SANS EIFFEL
(Part Four)

THE GARGOYLES OF NOTRE DAME

After going our separate ways this morning (Newman joined the Old Marais Quarter walking tour, while i checked out Musee d' Orsay and Musee de l'Orangerie), we met up 3:00PM at the Notre Dame Cathedral, another one of the most visited tourist spots in Paris.

Except we weren't going inside the cathedral. Instead, we were in line outside, for the tour of the cathedral tower.

The Notre-Dame tower visit is a trip through all of the upper parts of the western façade, dating from the 13th century. The main attraction is the Galerie des Chimères, where the cathedral's legendary gargoyles (chimères) can be found. These were built by Viollet-le-Duc in the 19th century and the 17th century Emmanuel Bell.

It costs EURO 7.50/pax; and alarmingly, the path to the top of the South Tower takes something like 422 steps. (No, there is no elevator, obviously!)

Only around fifteen or so people are let in at any given time, so the queue can be very long. After more than 30 minutes of waiting, Newman and i were finally climbing the narrow, round stairs to the top.

Below are some pics of the gargoyles. In the spirit of fun, i've decided to make some funny [fingers crossed] captions for each pic:

"Yum! This steriod-laden, commercial chicken is much more tasty than that free-range, organic shit!"

"Oops!! Don't tell the Pope i accidentally spit on that 300lb loud American tourist wearing red and yellow plaid shorts, okay?"

"Yes, Bossing."

"This view of the Eiffel Tower is so boring. Perhaps i should invite the missus to go on a holiday to Amsterdam this summer?!"

[Sigh] "When will the equities markets ever recover? Only my APPLE stock is in the black....."

These eerie-looking (some would say "demonic") half-man, half-beast monsters are carved out of stone, and adorn the gutters of the Cathedral. The word "gargoyle" is derived from Latin, meaning gullet or drain. So that's what these creatures are, drainpipes.

Each grotesque figure has a passageway inside that carries rainwater from the roof and out through the gargoyle's mouth. But since the 16th century, when lead drainpipes were invented, the gargoyles are now only used for decorative purposes.

Of course, not everyone is satisfied with such a prosaic explanation. Superstition has it that the gargoyles are meant to ward off evil spirits.

Which doesn't really make sense, if you think about it. A Catholic cathedral needing demons to ward off evil spirits??! I don't think so.

(Check out the official website, http://www.notredamedeparis.fr, for more info)

Yet again, thanks to Newman for the pics. Click here for his post about climbing up Notre Dame Cathedral.

2008-07-04T01:34:00.000-07:00

PARIS SANS EIFFEL
(Part Three)

ROLAND GARROS

Finally, the main reason for taking the long flight to Paris was here!

First, a brief background for non-tennis fanatics. Roland Garros is one of professional tennis' most prestigious tournaments, which comprise the "Grand Slams", the others being the Australian Open (Melbourne), Wimbledon (London), and US Open (New York).

It is played on this red clay surface (crushed brick, actually), which has a slow bounce; therefore, matches tend to be full of long baseline rallies, as players try to pound each other into submission. For mens' singles, which are best-of-five sets, it is not uncommon for matches to last beyond 3 hours each.

The tournament itself runs for two weeks, but we were watching only the first 3 days.

The French, being the French, named their home Slam after a real person, the World War I aviator and war hero Roland Garros. Click here for a brief account of his career.

Of course, no one except tennis purists cares about this; and everyone refers to the tournament as simply the "French Open". Click here for Newman's vivid account of how he got our tix, through the French Tennis Federation's website.

It was an unexpectedly smooth and easy journey via the Metro, from our hotel going to the Roland Garros complex. As we entered the tennis facility during the first day of the tournament, Newman remarked that compared to the US Open, the grounds of Roland Garros are quite compact, making it very easy to walk from the big stadiums to the smaller, outside courts.

And the prices being charged at the food concession stands were expensive, but not quite exhorbitant; unlike the US Open, which he described as shameless [with matching shake of the head].

The merchandise store was another matter, though. Imagine, 30 EURO for a cotton T-shirt with the Roland Garros logo?!

For me, it was quite an experience being able to see all these world-class tennis players live. Watching tennis on TV can be very misleading, as the ball travels so slowly on screen. But in real life, all the pros (even the willow-thin, teenage girls) hit the ball quite hard and flat and with great consistency.

Check out below photos of the grounds crew as they prepared the courts in between practices and matches:

This beefy guy looks like he could be a bouncer at the Moulin Rouge during evenings, no?

Sweeping with Gallic flair makes all the difference.

We were a bit unlucky though, as during our 3rd and last day, there was a continuous drizzle and play was mostly washed out for the entire day. Yeah, quite a bummer, with nothing to do but wait and wait for the rains to stop. . .and eat Haagen-Daz ice cream while at it. Haha....

Again, thanks to Newman for the pics. Click here to see his post regarding the crazy tennis action at Roland Garros.

2008-07-03T02:32:00.000-07:00

PARIS SANS EIFFEL
(Part Two)

MONTMARTRE WALKING TOUR
(The Man Who Could Walk Through Walls)

Newman and i arrived at Paris within a few hours apart of each other, me from Manila and him from NJ, and met at our hotel. There was some delay in checking into our room, not least because the hotel's old-fashioned elevator was capable of carrying maximum 3 persons only; and could hardly contain the two of us and our luggage.

Our first order of business was to join a walking tour of Paris' Montmartre district. This area is a hill with the highest point in the city, and is rather bohemian in character; or at least, was. After all, this was where artists like Monet, Renoir, and Van Gogh spent parts of their lives, attracted by the cheap rents and artistic vibe.

In fact, the windmill depicted in Renoir's "Le Moulin de la Galette" (1876) still stands, albeit now converted into a restaurant.

At present, Montmartre has been gentrified a bit, with lots of sidewalk cafes (the Parisians are no. 1 in terms of people-watching!) and souvenir shops selling "J'aime Paris" T-shirts. Nonetheless, there are still plenty of interesting sites to see.

According to our guide, Michael (an American transplanted from Los Angeles), Montmartre originally wasn't part of Paris. In fact, until now, there are senior citizens who talk of "going down to Paris" for the day.

Check out the Basilique Sacre-Coeur (Basilica of the Sacred Heart) below, with its distinctive white finish. This is due to a certain type of stone used, which constantly weathers out its calcite, so that it bleaches with age to a chalky whiteness. In fact, this basilica never needs exterior cleaning!

There is also a plaza with lots of cafes, and lots of local artists selling their artwork, and some of them can paint your portrait right on the spot. I liked this artist's works the most:

But for me, the highlight of our walk was this statue, and the fascinating story behind it.

From my memory, here's how the story goes:

There was a man, who worked as a clerk in an office, doing the same things day in and day out. He was completely nondescript in every way.

Then one day, he discovered he had the ability to walk through walls. He consulted his doctor, who prescribed him two pills. He took one pill, and put the other one in his medicine cabinet, completely forgetting about it.

One day, a new boss was assigned to their office. Unfortunately, he fell out of favor with this man. Thus, the new boss demoted him to a dark broom closet, right beside his own private office.

Our protagonist was hurt, and angry, and looking for revenge. One day, he stuck his head through the wall and into his boss' office, and heckled him, calling him all sorts of names. Naturally, his boss couldn't believe what he was seeing; and thought he was having hallucinations.

This went on every day, until finally his boss went crazy, and was finally brought by ambulance for confinement into an asylum.

Our hero, pleased with himself, realized that his life up to that point had been a waste; and resolved to change. So, he turned into a life of crime, and became a notorious thief (while maintaining his day job, take note).

Pretty soon, all the newspapers were full of stories about this thief who simply could not be caught. Bursting with pride, and unable to keep his secret any longer, our hero reveals to the police that he was this thief.

Disbelief and derision greeted his revelation, much to his dismay. Resolving to finally get the much-deserved recognition and fame he felt he deserved, he deliberately arranged to get caught during one of his heists.

Of course, shortly thereafter, it was a simple matter of escaping from behind bars.

He decided to settle down to a quiet life. Then, one day, as he was walking along the street, he saw this beautiful lady, and it was love at first sight! For both of them!

Unfortunately, it turned out she was already married, to a brute who locked her in her bedroom every night while he went out carousing and drinking with his friends.

No problem for him. Every night, he sneaked into her bedroom where they made wild, passionate love.

One day, he felt a terrible headache coming on, and rummaged inside his medicine cabinet for some aspirin. Feeling better, he went to the woman's house for their nocturnal rendezvous.

As he was passing through the walls in her garden, he suddenly couldn't move further and became stuck inside the thick wall. Then he realized that he must have taken the pills prescribed by his doctor by mistake, instead of aspirin.

So there he is to this day.

Check out this site for the complete (and official) version of the story, and see how (in)accurate my memory is.

(Check out www.paris-walks.com for more detailed info on Paris Walks)

Thanks to Newman for the pics. Click here to see his post regarding our Montmartre walking tour.

2008-07-02T06:28:00.000-07:00

PARIS SANS EIFFEL
(Part One)

(This is a series of rambling posts regarding my trip to Paris in May with Newman. Funnily enough, we were able to visit the tourist spots on our list, except for this certain popular monument named the Eiffel Tower. Hence, the title of this series)

MUSEE DU LOUVRE and LA GIOCONDA

Bonjour, everyone!

A must-see in Paris, even for people not inclined to visit museums, is the Louvre, the world's largest museum.

The Musée du Louvre has been open since 1793, and houses 35,000 works of art drawn from eight departments, displayed in over 60,000 square meters of exhibition space dedicated to the permanent collections, ranging from Egyptian antiquities, Islamic Art, sculptures, paintings and the like.

Yup, you could say it's a repository of really ancient stuff. How ancient? Well, the cut-off point for the Louvre's collection is 1848, so if you happen to have been born during this era, you should feel right at home.

Experts and hardcore enthusiasts would say that it would take one week to fully explore and appreciate the Louvre's collections. One week! Of course, 99.99% of tourists have no such inclinations, and prefer to go direct to the "star" attractions.

Check out the pic above of the Louvre's main entrance. The pyramid, completed in 1989, was by I.M. Pei; and stands about 66 feet tall and made of clear glass about 3/4" thick. Of course, it doesn't really blend it with the building's exterior architecture, but what the heck, no one's really complaining.

The management is smart enough to post signs with directions to the main attractions. Let's check out one of them, shall we?

Take a guess what all these people below are gawking and taking countless photos of:

Any guesses? Nope, its not the Venus de Milo.

Okay, okay, here it is:

Yup, it's the world-renown Mona Lisa (also known as La Gioconda), a 16th century portrait painted during the Italian Renaissance by Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci (April 15, 1452 - May 2, 1519), who was by all accounts one of the greatest men who ever lived. He was a scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, botanist, musician and writer. Whew! (Unfortunately, the present generation knows him mainly in relation to that crappy best-seller, Da Vinci Code)

Interestingly, over the years there has been huge debate on who the subject of the painting was. According to Wikipedia, women such as Isabella of Naples or Aragon, Cecilia Gallerani, Costanza d'Avalos —who was also called the "merry one" or La Gioconda, Isabella d'Este, Pacifica Brandano or Brandino, Isabela Gualanda, Caterina Sforza, and Leonardo's mother Caterina had all been named the sitter. It was even believed to be a self-portrait of Leonardo da Vinci himself!
(in drag, perhaps? hehe ;-D)

Thankfully, at present, the subject's identity is held with certainty to be Lisa del Giocondo, a member of the Gherardini family of Florence and Tuscany, and the wife of wealthy Florentine silk merchant Francesco del Giocondo. The painting was commissioned for their new home and to celebrate the birth of their second son, Andrea.

The Mona Lisa is displayed in a purpose-built, climate-controlled enclosure behind bullet-proof glass. About 6 million people view the painting at the Louvre each year.

The expression on her face has often been described as enigmatic and mysterious, and scholars have puzzled over the years about what she was smiling about or whom she was smiling at, why her smile didn't show any teeth (sore gums from too much eating, if you ask me), etc.

My good friend, R., in her visit to the Louvre some years ago, wrote on her postcard:

"I always thought she was overrated and when i saw her up close and personal, i thought, "That's it?" But then i kept looking at her and she became more beautiful every second until she became mesmerizing and my nephew had to pull me out of her gaze. Maybe it's the hype - or maybe it's what captivated millions of people before me. Dunno."

Well, yours truly was NOT one of those millions who were captivated by her, that's for sure. She's a bit. . .umm, on the plump side, don't you think? And rather mannish-looking, too. And those eyes?! Her gaze seems to follow you everywhere; it really creeps me out.

(Check out the Louvre's official website at www.louvre.fr)

2008-06-26T05:54:00.000-07:00

G.U.S. NITPICKS!! (v. 18)

SALA BISTRO

Talk about deja vu yet again. My good friend, fresh-as-a-daisy-looking G., and i were meeting up after not having seen each other for more than half a year (during which i conveniently "forgot" to give her Christmas and birthday presents. . .hehe :D)

We had previously dined at Sala in Malate last year. Since it had transferred to Makati (the new Sala at the PLDT building, where Lumiere used to be; and a new more reasonably-priced version, Sala Bistro, in Greenbelt 3), we decided on the latter resto.

Check out Sala Bistro's interiors below, predominantly full-length glass windows interpersed with dark brown columns, with a high rather drab grey ceiling and bits of chrome and lots of mirrors thrown in.

From what my sister tells me, this place is packed even during weekday evenings. So i guess that's the whole idea behind the glass walls - this resto is 'in', and the place to be seen dining in when you're in Greenbelt.

To me, it certainly isn't the type of place one would go to, if one wanted to have a nice, quiet, intimate dinner.

But anyway, we didn't come here to gawk at celebrities (although G. discreetly pointed out this fashionista couple who walked by), or play amateur interior designer.

Onwards to the food! The original Sala has a well-deserved reputation for excellent food and superior service, albeit at a price that severely dents your wallet.

Let's see how this present incarnation fares.

Garlicky Portabella Mushrooms on Toast with Goat's Cheese (PHP490.00)

This was the most expensive starter, but expense be damned, this was quite a fantastic dish! The mushrooms had real nice chewy texture, and the garlic cream wasn't overpowering.

We overheard the lady dining beside our table tell the waiter that she had preferred their old style of serving this dish, with the portabella mushroom in one whole piece. Either way, it was yummy throughout.

Confit of Lamb Shoulder with Roasted Pumpkin and Crushed Green Peas (PHP620.00)

Being more used to eating lamb ribs, i wasn't totally thrilled with my entree. The meat was tender and flavorful, but for some strange reason, i had to double-check that i was eating lamb, as it felt more like beef. The crushed peas were terrible, though.

Fillet of today's fish cooked in paper (PHP620.00)

The day's fish was grouper, and fresh-faced G. was happy with her choice, although she didn't like the onions. I tasted a bit of this dish, and the fish was indeed soft, yet firm and tasty.

Upon our waiter's prompting, G. had ordered mashed potato as a side dish. Here it is below:

Truffle Oil Mashed Potato (PHP200.00)

As you can see, we had eaten more than half of it already before i remembered to take a pic. Yes, it was THAT good. Not too heavy on the cream, and not too bland, either; just right in taste and texture.

Unfortunately, we both didn't realize how much it cost, until we saw the bill. Talk about sticker shock! :d Yes, this was one incredibly nice-tasting mashed potato (i'd even go as far to say it's one of the best ever i've tasted), but it was flat-out the most expensive one as well!!

For desserts, our waiter was pushing for the Valrhona chocolate tart with vanilla seed ice cream (PHP290.00), and i was sorely tempted to try the Dulche de leche rice pudding with caramel oranges (PHP280.00); but in the end, we both felt so full that we just settled for one scoop homemade Strawberry ice cream (PHP100.00).

So, let's sum up Sala Bistro. Come here, and you'll get a very good meal coupled with unobtrusive service. Just make sure to bring your credit card, since the average bill would likely be PHP1,100.00 to PHP1,500.00 per person.

I can only shudder, though, when i speculate on what type of prices they are charging at the new Sala. Yikes!

2008-06-19T06:37:00.000-07:00

G.U.S. NITPICKS!! (v. 17)

CHEFS' QUARTER

I had a lunch out today with my good friend Jk., who is one of the most good-natured and sweetest souls in the whole world, although i must say she has a habit of throwing a tantrum once every ten years!!

Venue was Robinson's Place Ermita, not a mall i normally go to [i abhor Robinson's Malls in general, since they tend to be crowded and haphazardly laid-out], and we chose this resto, since the reviews i've read about it in local blogs were generally positive.

Mind you, i did have doubts about Chefs' Quarter, having read that its owners / chef / etc. were the same as Duo at Serendra. Well, i ate at Duo once, and it wasn't any great shakes. Below average even, especially considering the prices they were charging.

But anyway, onwards to our lunch.

The interiors give off a classy, fairly high-end, yet relaxed ambiance. Nothing that would intimidate you. I would describe the place as comfy, or fun. . .i liked the colorful paintings on the walls.

But i think this resto is rather too big, or maybe its just because during our lunch, only one or two other tables were occupied? I don't think RP really has much of a lunch crowd, beyond the fastfood joints.

Chefs' Quarters' blurb on its menu cover mentions that it is "a total innovation in fine continental cuisine. Here, we give you an alternative to fine dining, where the food and service is always exceptional that can be enjoyed in a very relaxed atmosphere. What's even more interesting are our reasonably priced menus."

Let's see how it lives up to these lofty words.

Jk. ordered this French Onion Soup (PHP195.00), which looks a bit terrifying, no? Like the overflowing cauldron of the wicked witch? :D But she liked it very much, finding the cheese portion substantial and something "you could really chew into". Overall, tasty and above-average.

I ordered the Crayfish Tomato soup (PHP150.00) [not pictured], which proved to be tasty, yet without being cloying, the way some tomato soups can be once you're half-way through the cup.

For the main course, i ordered this Almond-crusted Cream Dory, topped with tomato concasse and vegetable risotto (PHP495.00), with mixed results. The fish itself was tender and perfectly cooked, but the chef must have had a heavy hand that day, as it was way too salty. The risotto? Flat out the most bland i've ever tasted!

Meanwhile, Jk. ordered the Fish & Chips (PHP295.00), having fallen in love with this dish during her stint last year in London. I felt it looked kinda dry and plain and the portion seemed puny, but she loved it as well, esp. the dip.

Finally, dessert! [i think anyone who reads this blog with some regularity knows i can't wait to get to desserts every time i eat out, haha :d]

We were supposed to share one dessert, but couldn't resist and ended up sharing two! The Blueberry Cheesecake (PHP120.00) was pretty good, with firm texture albeit lacking a bit of that 'tangy' taste i like in cheesecakes.

Now, the Lemon-Ginger Creme Brulee' (PHP95.00) was a flat-out winner!!! As in!! It had a refreshing light tangy taste, balanced by the burnt sugar on top! It was only sheer politeness that prevented me from gobbling the whole thing in one go and leaving some for Jk., and from licking the bowl clean! I think i could eat 4 or 5 of this creme brulee' in one sitting, actually!

So, would i go back? Hmmm. . . .yeah, much as i hate RP, i'd go back, if only for the . . . you guessed it, creme brulee'. Chefs' Quarter also has an extensive selection of salads and steaks, which look interesting and which probably deserve a try.

Oh, damage per person was above PHP800.00, so i'm not quite sure this can be defined "reasonably priced".

But hey, that creme brulee' was reasonably priced at PHP95.00; and in my stomach's humble opinion, that's all that matters!

2008-04-20T04:30:00.000-07:00

CALL OF THE WALL
(Snapshots from Beijing, Part Four)

"He who has not climbed the Great Wall is not a true man." - Mao Zedong

Fighting words, indeed, from the Chairman.

Truth be told, i had always wanted to see the Great Wall, known in Mandarin as "Chang Cheng", literally "long wall".

With apologies to the charms of historical sites (and tour group staples) such as Summer Palace / Forbidden City / Temple of Heaven / Tiananmen Square (and that blasted panda bear), it was the chance to hike up the Great Wall which made me all excited about this trip.

Before we proceed, we might as well clarify a few things about the Wall.

First, contrary to popular belief, it CANNOT be seen from outer space.

Second, it is NOT a single continuous structure. I was rather taken aback upon learning this, to be honest.

Third, it was a dismal failure at its purpose of keeping out the Hun army from the north, as intended by Emperor Chin Shi Huang. Why? Because the guards were simply bribed to look the other way. [Click here for the official website detailing the Wall's history, etc.]

But let none of this detract from the fact that the Wall is an engineering marvel in its own right. Think about it, how were they able to build this thing in such remote areas, and given the available technology and equipment of that era?

We were initially supposed to visit Badaling, the most-visited restored section of the wall (read: swarming with tourists). Aside from the usual souvenir stands, it boasts of a cable car and yes, a KFC outlet.

However, due to heavy traffic caused by an accident of the highway, we ended up at the Juyong Guan (Dwelling in Harmony Pass) section.

The place was teeming with tourists, which made going up rather difficult. Partly because the steps were uneven in height, and were steeper than the normal "stair" height step we are used to. More than this, the throng of people all going in the same direction made it a start-stop, start-stop affair. One had to take one step forward, then pause for a few seconds before proceeding again. Rather hard on the knees, i can tell you.

However, the crowd pretty much thins out after you reach the first station. At this point, most of the intrepid hiker-wanna-be tourists realize this is a far more strenous undertaking than initially expected, and decide they will just stay where they are, puff on a cigarette or two (to mitigate the cold weather), take snapshots for posterity and buy a T-shirt or two at the souvenir stand. You know, just to say they've been to the Great Wall.

Check out some interesting signs posted on the Wall:

These guys from the Beijing Tourist Administration are really thoughtful, no?

It sort of boggles the mind why anyone would want to use a cellphone up here. Oh well.

Well, if you're climbing steps as steep as these, you'd be careful, too.

Check out also the graffiti on the Wall:

Terrible, isn't it? [Of course, while saying this and shaking my head in disgust, i made a mental note to bring a black Pentel pen next time, so i can write as well!]

Once you get used to the steep steps and shake off the other tourists, hiking up the Wall becomes a real joy. And the cold weather ceases to become a factor as well. In fact, i had to shed off my jacket since i was getting real sweaty.

Two stations down. . .three stations down. . .the adrenaline rush is pretty awesome!

Then at some point, i stopped, not sure if i wanted to go up further, or turn back and start the downward trek back to terra firma. After some twenty seconds' agonizing, i chose the latter course of action.

Why, you may ask?
The ache in my knees and thighs and hamstrings was getting too much? No.
Dizziness from the high altitude? No.
Fatigue and heart palpitations from the climb? No.

What then? Actually, i felt the need to pee; and obviously, there were no toilets up there. Darn.

Here's a sample of the view:

Of course, the Great Wall experience wouldn't be complete without bringing home some sort of souvenir. Check out the souvenir stand below, doing brisk business:

As the banner says, you can actually have a "I Climbed the Great Wall" certificate for RMB40.00. Rather desperate, don't you think? :D

I preferred to buy the T-shirt below:

YEAH!!! Been there, done that!!! :D

I'm sure the Chairman is turning over in his grave, though.

2008-04-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

MUCH QUACK ABOUT DUCK
(Snapshots from Beijing, Part Three)

One of the de rigueur things to do in Beijing is to eat Peking duck. Thus, all tour groups include a lunch or dinner at one of the famous restaurants specializing in this succulent bird.

Just right off the plane, our guide announced with great flourish that we were having lunch at Quanjude Roast Duck Restaurant. She described in great detail how the 65-day-old ducks (take note, only "white-feathered" ducks were used) were "cooked the traditional way" (i.e. roasted for several hours under a wood-fuelled fire).

Preparation of the duck also apparently involves forcefeeding it with mash for the last 20 days before cooking it . . . ahh, but let's not get into that, lest our appetites get spoiled, okay?

As we went up the dark staircase to the second floor, on the landing were black & white pictures of various well-known personalities who had eaten at this resto over the years, most notably Mao Zedong and Henry Kissinger.

So there we were, feasting on various dishes when the Peking duck was wheeled in. It looked, well, quite ordinary and the same as any other duck i've eaten locally.

The waitress was supposed to carve the crispy skin and attached meat into a hundred pieces (don't ask me why. . . so that the duck gets a 100 lives in duck heaven, perhaps? :D) before serving, but everyone had heightened expectations by this time and wanted to get their hands on it as soon as possible and no one bothered to keep count anyway.

Pretty soon, everyone at our table was busy assembling slices of duck and slivered scallions, dashed with hoisin sauce, over the thin, white pancakes.

CRRUUNCCHHHH!!!

I took that first bite, and savored the crispy skin and fat of the duck mixing with the other ingredients. Hoisin sauce started dribbling down the right side of my mouth.

So, what was the verdict?

Well, i would have loved to say that this 'authentic' Peking duck was so fantastic, that it felt like the clouds roared and the blue skies parted, and a heavenly choir of angels appeared in immaculate, gleaming white robes, singing the "Hallelujah" chorus of Handel's Messiah.

But no . . . it was just . . .okay. Nothing great or spectacular about its taste or texture or flavor. I wouldn't even say it was the best Peking duck i've ever had!

In short, overrated.

[For a much more detailed account of a Peking duck lunch, with picture of an actual duck (!), please check out fellow blogger Gypsy Soul's post here, taken during her Beijing trip last year]

2008-04-06T22:45:00.000-07:00

OC OVER WC
(Snapshots from Beijing, Part Two)

The thing with Beijing's cold weather (it was something like 4 - 13 degrees Celsius while we were there) is that it induces you to look for a toilet at every stop and take a leak.

Correct me if i'm wrong, but it seems only people from the Philippines refer to toilets as "comfort rooms" or "CRs". Asking locals where the CR is will get you nowhere; but mention "toilet" or "water closet" (i.e. WC), and you'll most likely get pointed in the right direction.

Now, if you thought only Michelin awards stars to restaurants, or only hotels proclaim themselves as having "five-star" luxury amenities, etc., well, think again.

The amiable folks at the Beijing Tourist Administration (BTA) have apparently been tasked with rating the toilets at various tourist spots. Check out these toilets at the Forbidden City:

Which begs the following questions:

How exactly are these star ratings determined? Is the criteria for traditional "hole-on-the-ground"-style toilets and Western-style toilets the same?

What happens if a particular toilet doesn't maintain the standards set by the BTA , and loses its stars? Do they close it down, and send the sanitary workers to the countryside for re-training and self-criticism?

How does a particular toilet obtain a five -star rating? For that matter, what makes the difference between a three-star and a four-star rating?

In the spirit of fun, and with due apologies to the dear comrades at BTA, yours truly decided to invent the following standard rating system:

FIVE stars - Gleaming floor tiles; bathroom fixtures are either Grohe or Kohler brand; hand dryer works perfectly, providing warm relief to your cold hands. Fragrant smell emanates from citrus air freshener.

Unfortunately, NO ONE has ever sighted any WC under the BTA's jurisdiction with features such as the above, as these can only be found at the Beijing Shangrila and the like.

FOUR stars - Urinals have automatic sensors; with soap and paper towel dispensers. Bright lighting, wide mirrors; and nice floor tiles. Taciturn attendant mops the floor every 20 minutes, while smoking a cigarette.

THREE stars - neutral smell; drab grey walls; the tissue paper actually doesn't hurt your ass. Taciturn attendant hands out paper towels grudgingly, after you wash hands using floral-scented liquid soap, and waits expectantly for a tip.

TWO stars - slightly less smelly, with Western-style toilet; and liquid soap is available. The tissue paper is as coarse as sand paper, though.

ONE star - basic stinky, smelly Chinese-style toilet, with no handlebars to help you get up. Also has poor reproductions of Impressionist paintings posted above the urinals. Oh, bring your own tissue paper.

At any rate, we men can learn an important lesson from this sign posted above the urinal of an unrated no-star toilet, found at one of our tour stops: