GUS GUIDE: First-Time LONDON

Before we start on our mini-guide for London (incidentally, my favorite part of the trip), i've noticed that most tourists tend to use the terms Great Britain, England and United Kingdom interchangeably. Whilst no harm is normally done, it is technically incorrect.

So, let us attempt to set the matter straight:

"United Kingdom" refers to the union of four separate countries, namely: England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland (the other parts of Ireland are independent).

"Great Britain" refers to only England, Wales and Scotland. (Thus, the full official name of the UK is "United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland")

"England" is the largest country in the United Kingdom, and its capital is London. So, beware! England may be part of the United Kingdom, but not everyone in Great Britain or the United Kingdom is English!

Anyway, onwards to the must-sees and must-dos in London!

1. Do enter the historic buildings.

By all means, take one of those half-day or full-day city bus sightseeing tours that promise to bring you to the House of Parliament, Westminster Abbey (where Will married Kate), St. Paul's Cathedral, Tower of London (where the Crown Jewels are kept), Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, Royal Albert Hall, etc. all in one go.





But do come back and go inside the places that actually interested or intrigued you, rather than just being content with photos of yourself with these historic buildings in the background.

2. Take a walk with London Walks.

A guided walking tour is the perfect way to get more in-depth commentary (and gossip) about your specific interests, and meeting fellow tourists.

London Walks operates tours on every day of the year (including Christmas); typically costs less than ten British pounds per person; and best of all, there's no need to reserve ahead of time. You just show up!

Their walks run the whole gamut, from movies (Harry Potter location spots) to music (Beatles Magical Mystery) to history to crime (Jack the Ripper) to haunted and hidden places in London, etc. So, if none of their walks interest you. . .well, you're probably not interesting.

3. Take a cab, just for the heck of it.

In my humble opinion, the London Underground / Metro / Tube is one of the most extensive and convenient in the world; and the bus system is pretty good, too.





So, why take a cab? Well, these black taxis really look cool in a retro sort of way. And the cab drivers have to pass a special test, called "The Knowledge" (sounds quite grand and impressive, doesn't it? :D), before they are allowed to get behind the wheel. Generally, it takes two to four years of study before one can take and pass the exam!

4. Notting Hill isn't for everyone.

If you love antiques, go ahead and visit Notting Hill on a weekday.

If you love markets and bargaining for antiques and other stuff, go on a Saturday morning and you'll enjoy the Portobello Road market.

But if you're a casual movie fan who was charmed by the movie "Notting Hill", starring Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant, be prepared to be disappointed. VERY disappointed.

Why? Well, the travel bookshop owned by Hugh Grant has been sold, and is now closed. And the house with the blue door, where he lived? It's just a door, not a real house; and the door ain't blue anymore (it has been painted black).

In short, don't bother.

5. Brush up on your English.

But the English speak English, you might protest. True, but there are differences in word usage. It's a "bin", not a trash can; a "lift", not an elevator; a "loo", not a toilet or (God forbid) CR; a "flat", instead of apartment; "fags" (!!!) instead of cigarettes, and so on.

And don't ever ever ever refer to "football" as soccer.

GUS GUIDE: First-Time AMSTERDAM

Before anything else, did you know that "Holland" and "The Netherlands" are not one and the same? Surprising, huh? According to Archimon.nl (where i also got the map below), "Holland" is the former name for part of what is now known as "The Netherlands". The black part of this map is the current Holland, the rest of the map is not. Holland these days constitutes two out of a total of twelve provinces that make up The Netherlands.




Check out World Atlas for a more detailed explanation.

Of course, for tourists, it really doesn't matter so much; and we'll leave the technicalities to the locals and go our merry way.

1. Everyone speaks anglais.

You will be relieved to know that unlike the dear French, the locals in Amsterdam are all capable (and willing) of speaking English. In fact, they take pride in their ability to do so.

Knowing basic greetings in Dutch (especially if you are staying or going out with Dutch friends) is welcome, but not really essential.

2. Canal cruise is a crushing bore. Walk instead.

Most of the tourist attractions in Central Amsterdam are walking distance of each other, albeit a long walk at times.

A typical canal cruise lasts for an hour, with recorded commentary on board ("To your left is. . . .") which can be boring after the first ten minutes or so.

Whilst the house architecture is indeed lovely, it is a better use of time to walk and explore around on foot.

3. Visit the Anne Frank House. Visit the Anne Frank House. Visit the Anne Frank House.

For me, this is the one absolute must. Why? Simply because the evil that prematurely cut short the lives of Anne Frank and other Jews is still present in our world, and we must remember and never let it happen again.

4. There's a reason why it's called RED Light District.

Go ahead, and gawk, ogle, stare and salivate all you want over the girls at Amsterdam's infamous Red Light District. For the uninitiated, the girls rent these windows or glass doors per day, and attract customers by standing in various states of déshabillément.

The RLD is a safe place, even at night, mainly due to the sheer number of people curiously milling around and taking in the sights. Japanese tour groups (with the leader waving a small flag), present!

Should you desire to sample the goods, as it were, do steer clear of windows lit with blue lights. Why? Errr. . .i will quote from Amsterdam Advisor: "To indicate they [girls] aren't technically women, or born as such. They are transgenders, travestites. . ."

Caveat emptor, indeed!! :D

5. A coffee shop is not a coffee house, nor a cafe.

"Coffee shops" are places where anyone over the age of 18 can buy weed/hash/cannabis/marijuana, and smoke it right on the premises.

If you're not into smoking, there are "space cakes" (food products, such as muffins, brownies, etc., that have cannabis as an ingredient) available. Be aware, though, that these are 3-5X more potent that smoking marijuana, so you might get 'high' and hallucinate.

When in doubt, don't.

GUS GUIDE: First-Time PARIS

[I'm doing a mini-series-within-a-series, named the GUS Guides. These are by-no-means-complete travel tips for readers who will be visiting for the first time the European cities i recently went to.]


PARIS. . .City of Blinding Lights, indeed. Not only is Paris billed as the (arguably) "most romantic city in the world", there is a vast array of choices with regards to what to do, see, eat and buy.

Here's some pointers to help you maximize your stay in Paris:

1. Do not just show up at Eiffel Tower.


(Taken from the official website - M. Chazeau)


Not unless you want to get into the horrendous, outdoor queue (estimated waiting time is generally more than one hour).

The best course of action is to plan what day and time you wish to visit the Eiffel Tower, and reserve your ticket online at their official website. When you arrive, you go directly to the line specifically for prepaid/pre-booked ticket holders (whilst directing a smug glance at the poor souls who just showed up, and have been suffering in the queue).

Oh, another thing. Do try to go up from ground level to the 2nd floor (or vice versa) using the stairs (total of 704 steps!), rather than taking the lift. It will make you realize the enormity of this structure.


2. The 'Mona Lisa' is NOT a must-see.


(Photo credit: Travelandtourismtoday.blogspot.com)


If you love architecture, go to the Louvre and debate whether I.M. Pei's glass pyramid (which was built in 1989, and serves as the central entrance to the museum) is a fantastic addition, or a colossal eyesore.

If you love art, go ahead and check out the 35,000 or so works on display. But if you are just going to the Louvre to see Leonardo da Vinci's famous painting 'Mona Lisa', forget it.

It is barely bigger than a postage stamp (yes, i exaggerate, but not by much); and quite frankly, she looks a bit dumpy and creepy.


3. The French are actually very nice people.

Yes, they do pretend not to understand nor speak English. The trick here is for you, dear tourist, to make an effort to learn some basic French words and phrases before your trip.

Not only will it help in asking for directions, reading signs, etc., it disarms the locals when they see a tourist speaking in mangled French, and they will be generally more helpful and pleasant to you.


4. Buy good chocolate.

Paris has a lot of local artisanal chocolate and pastry shops, quite ideal for gift-giving. To put it bluntly, your loved ones will appreciate these goodies much more than the usual mass-market brands like Hershey, Nestle, Lindt, etc.!

La Maison du Chocolat is a good old standby. Check out Choco Paris site for more listings of shops you can visit, mainly in the St. Germain-des-Pres area.


5. Do join a walking tour.

Part of the fun of being in Paris is exploring the different neighborhoods, and you will be spoilt for choice: Latin Quarter, La Marais ("The Marsh"), Montmartre, St. Germain-des-Pres, etc. Joining a walking tour group not only provides you a guide who dishes out historical tidbits and insider gossip, it is a good way to meet fellow tourists as well.

If you are not historically-minded, there is the "Da Vinci Code" walk offered by some tour operators (yes, that novel).

Even more fun would be to just keep on walking around the area(s) of your interest after the tour, savor the scenery, and explore as you go along. So what if you get lost? Ah, that's where those basic French lessons come in.

Ayez beaucoup d'amusement!!